Wedding Woes

She can't even move on to the other 3 men in the world.

Dear Prudence,
I broke up with my long-time boyfriend for the fourth time yesterday. He’s a manipulator and a drunk and a narcissist but also fun and charming. I don’t have a lot of friends in this town, but I have joined some clubs and do some volunteering at an art gallery in order to see people. Seeing a therapist helps, and I also go to Al-Anon, but I don’t have a lot of friends here and I work at home. My ex has lots of homeless, unhealthy, alcoholic friends who hang out in the park. I am basically his job. He hangs out with me so he can afford his lifestyle of drinking in the park and still keep a roof over his head. I met him a few years ago in a larger city where he had normal friends and family members. He doesn’t speak to any of them anymore. He is no good, but I am kind of a weakling. Please advise.

—How to Make a Breakup Stick?

Re: She can't even move on to the other 3 men in the world.

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    LW is taking steps in the right direction but needs to take it one step further. Years ago, I had a boyfriend like that, and what finally woke me up was hearing my then-sponsor say that he wasn't going to change unless he wanted to and ask me if I could live with that. I couldn't, so I broke up with him.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    I don't see the appeal at all. Why does she keep going back to this loser?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    HeffalumpOliveOilsMom
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod

    "Please advise"?!?!

    Doing is harder than saying but stop. Just stop. Why does LW need Prudie?

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    SP29
  • I'm glad she has a therapist, b/c she really needs to examine why she keeps coming back to someone who is treating her like shit.  Also, she just needs to move, change her number, and completely ghost this MFer from her life, since she can't seem to say no.  
    OliveOilsMomOurWildKingdomShesSoCold
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    LW needs to focus on the bad of this guy and leave it - for good.  It sounds like they are broken up, but still living together?  I think Varuna has a good idea - moving, changing her phone number, AND ghosting the guy from her life.

    OurWildKingdom
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Go to more meetings.  Get a sponsor.  Focus on yourself.  Stop being his job.  Kick him out.  Make him responsible for his own roof.  He'll never hit rock bottom if you catch him every time he falls.
    image
    OurWildKingdomOliveOilsMomMNNEBride
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    AddieCake said:
    I don't see the appeal at all. Why does she keep going back to this loser?
    In my case, I felt worried about what would happen to him if I dumped him, and I was holding on to hope that he would change. 

    LW definitely needs to keep going to therapy and Al-Anon and do some reading on codependency.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    AddieCake said:
    I don't see the appeal at all. Why does she keep going back to this loser?
    In my case, I felt worried about what would happen to him if I dumped him, and I was holding on to hope that he would change. 

    LW definitely needs to keep going to therapy and Al-Anon and do some reading on codependency.
    Addicts are fantastic manipulators.  They can and will make even the strongest willed person feel guilt, remorse and regret.  It's part of what makes detachment so damned hard.
    image
    OurWildKingdom
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards