Invites and Paper

Who is a host? pushy mom

What defines a host of a wedding? Is it paying, being a parent, helping with planning and running the wedding? 

I know hosts need to be listed on wedding invitations. 

My mom thinks it is disrespectful for me not to list her on my wedding invites. I do not want to list any parents because I am paying for most of my wedding.  She paid for part of my wedding dress (400$) and she has been pushing herself into my wedding planning in ways that I do not appreciate. I have not been including her because I wanted to avoid confrontation with her. She threatened that she will be angry with me for a long time if I don't add her to my wedding invites. 

Am I being reasonable? Should I just do what she wants or avoid the slippery slope? 
FYI: my in laws are covering food and alcohol($$$$) but they do not want to be listed on the invitation. His mom is also helping me with lots of the logistics the day of the wedding.

Re: Who is a host? pushy mom

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    Hosting does not mean paying only. Hosting means planning, being a point person for questions from guests, greeting guests, gathering RSVPS etc.
    SP29OurWildKingdomMairePoppyNotATotalBetty
  • SP29SP29
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    As the above.

    The invitation is to provide information to your guests on the who, what, when and where of the event. The who would be who do I RSVP to, and who do I ask questions if I need to. The invitation does not inherently honour anyone, nor is it a family tree.

    Although this goes against what I said above, I think it would be a victim-less crime to put your mom or any other parent's name on the invite.

    Another option would be to put "Together with their families.....". Would that help soothe your mom's feelings without you needing to directly name her?
    OurWildKingdomernursejNotATotalBetty
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
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    I'm a big fan of "Together with their families" to cover all bases with parents who feel the need to be on the invitation. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    OurWildKingdomspockforprezNotATotalBettyKnottie1447478254
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2016
    Ms.  Jane Bridesmother (divorced?)
    Mr. and Mrs. John Groomsparents
    request the pleasure of your  company
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    Day, date
    time o'clock
    Venue
    Address
    City, State
    There is absolutely NO reason that your FI's parents shouldn't also be on it.  Perfectly proper!

    (Bonjour, y'all!)

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomSP29
  • Lots of people include parents' names who aren't hosting. I did. Seems like such an easy thing to do to avoid hurt feelings.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    scribe95 said:
    Lots of people include parents' names who aren't hosting. I did. Seems like such an easy thing to do to avoid hurt feelings.
    This is true, but OP didn't want to include parents' names.
  • I've always wondered this. And not to hijack the thread with a second question, but on a similar note, can a bride and groom host their own wedding? What wording would be suggested then? (I'm just curious!)
    OurWildKingdom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    scribe95 said:
    Lots of people include parents' names who aren't hosting. I did. Seems like such an easy thing to do to avoid hurt feelings.
    This is true, but OP didn't want to include parents' names.
    And the problem with it is that it can confuse the guests by listing people who aren't their contacts or point persons as hosts.

    If parents are doing the actual work of hosting, then they should be listed, but if not, they should get over themselves and not have hurt feelings if the couple does not choose to list them on their invitation as "honorary hosts" or at all.
  • I feel like a wedding is exactly the time that people just get super emotional over the smallest things.  If it isn't hurting anyone's feelings, I'm generally on the side of print the name and move on.

    My parents took care of the arrangements for their wedding nearly 40 years ago.   They still listed my grandparents on the invitation.
    OurWildKingdom
  • SP29SP29
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    I've always wondered this. And not to hijack the thread with a second question, but on a similar note, can a bride and groom host their own wedding? What wording would be suggested then? (I'm just curious!)
    Yes a bride and groom can host their own wedding, but they shouldn't write themselves on the invitation as the guests of honour.

    Wording would go something like:

    "The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of..."

    "The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of..."

    I have seen sample wording where the bride and groom at listed first, such as "Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their union", but someone correct me if I am wrong, this would be frowned upon as the Bride and Groom are directly presented as both the host and honorees??

    OurWildKingdomJen4948ILoveBeachMusicshort+sassy
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    SP29 said:
    I've always wondered this. And not to hijack the thread with a second question, but on a similar note, can a bride and groom host their own wedding? What wording would be suggested then? (I'm just curious!)
    Yes a bride and groom can host their own wedding, but they shouldn't write themselves on the invitation as the guests of honour.

    Wording would go something like:

    "The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of..."

    "The pleasure of your company is requested at the marriage of..."

    I have seen sample wording where the bride and groom at listed first, such as "Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company at the celebration of their union", but someone correct me if I am wrong, this would be frowned upon as the Bride and Groom are directly presented as both the host and honorees??

    Yes. Etiquette requires that if anyone is self-hosting their wedding, they word the invitations in a way that omits mention of hosts. You have the wording right.
    poodledoodleoooSP29
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    Oops, back to the drawing board for me!
  • OWK, we will be happy to help you word your invitation!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomshort+sassy
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited June 2016
    I've always wondered this. And not to hijack the thread with a second question, but on a similar note, can a bride and groom host their own wedding? What wording would be suggested then? (I'm just curious!)
    Yes, the bride and groom may properly host their own wedding.  No, they may not take credit for it on the invitation.

    The pleasure of your company is requested
    at the marriage of
    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    ILoveBeachMusicshort+sassy
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