Offering Babysitter

Knottie1440365793

I'm trying to figure out what my responsibility is here. 

Children are allowed at my wedding, but it starts at 5pm, so I know that might be a bit late for younger children. Plus, a few moms of the younger children have mentioned wanting to find a babysitter so they can enjoy a night out. Luckily, my grandparents live in the area in a retirement community and I was thinking of asking a few of my grandparents friends to babysit for the parents that would like it. 

So here's my issue. Most families opted to rent houses instead of staying in the hotel, which means there isn't a central location to designate for childcare. So each family will need their own babysitter. I can absolutely arrange enough sitters to go to each family's house, but am I also obligated to pay for the babysitters? 

MobKaz

Knottie1440365793 said:

I'm trying to figure out what my responsibility is here. 

Children are allowed at my wedding, but it starts at 5pm, so I know that might be a bit late for younger children. Plus, a few moms of the younger children have mentioned wanting to find a babysitter so they can enjoy a night out. Luckily, my grandparents live in the area in a retirement community and I was thinking of asking a few of my grandparents friends to babysit for the parents that would like it. 

So here's my issue. Most families opted to rent houses instead of staying in the hotel, which means there isn't a central location to designate for childcare. So each family will need their own babysitter. I can absolutely arrange enough sitters to go to each family's house, but am I also obligated to pay for the babysitters? 

The babysitting issue should be handled by the parents with children.  They have several options.  The parents can bring a sitter with them.  The parents can choose to leave their children at home.  The parents can choose to leave the reception when necessary dependent on the age and fatigue of their children.

Most parents will not leave their child(ren) in the care of a stranger, regardless of any connection you may have with that sitter.  You can mention in your wedding website or other communication that, if interested, you can arrange for a sitter for the family, but they would need to request it in a timely manner for you.  You would NOT be responsible to pay for the sitter. 

If families do not reach out to you, then assume they have the situation handled.

AddieCake

If you offer to provide babysitters, I think you should pay for them. Don't worry about doing this. People know if they want a sitter they have to get one. It's no different than any other day or night out needing a sitter. 

OliveOilsMom

Ditto PP.  First, many parents who choose to bring their children will allow them to be off their sleeping schedule for the night because its a special occasion.  

Second, I don't think I would use the grandparents friends.  Depending how active the children are, the older folks may not be able to keep up with the kids.  I feel its different if its their own grandchild.

Lastly, if you want to offer the babysitting, you should also be paying for it.  

So just let the parents figure out if they want to bring the kids or not.

SP29

Have your grandparents' friends offered this or done this before for you?

I think it's fine if a guest asks you if you know of any babysitters in the area (such as if they are out of town)- and no, I don't think you need to cover the cost- but it seems a bit weird to me for you to ask your grandparents to ask their friends if they want to babysit some strangers' kids.

Ultimately though it is up to the parents to figure out accommodations for their children- it is not your responsibility at all. If you were providing a sitter at the venue site I would say that would be on you to cover the cost (knowing your guests may not use it at all).

P.S. Even if your grandparents' friends (or any other sitter) have offered to do this, I would give their contact info to the family (your guests) and let them make the final arrangements. Leave it to your guests to discuss location, time and money.

MobKaz

I need to post and run, but have a genuine question.  Why would/should it be the responsibility of the couple to pay for babysitting?

If I am local and choose not to bring my child, can I expect free babysitting?  Parents with children who attend weddings have multiple choices, (as mentioned in my PP) and include declining attendance.

 I do not see where the issue falls in the realm of hospitality.  Choices that involve costs to the guest occur with any wedding, from transportation to lodging.  The couple is not responsible to cover these costs, but can and do make it as convenient as possible by providing local information, travel routes, and hotel blocks.  I think offering a babysitting option can be considerate, but I see no reason why the couple should incur that cost.  I certainly would not expect that of a couple.

Knottie1440365793

Thanks all!

All the families that might want babysitting are from out of town (CA, VT, and SC traveling to NY) and I'm from out of town also (NC), which is why I was thinking that it might be nice of me to find sitters for them to use. And my grandparents' friends (the active ones, not the ones that just had a hip replacement or anything) are the only people I can think of. After reading your responses, I'm comfortable not paying for the sitters, but instead passing along contact information. 

But I don't have kids, so I don't know about the comfort level of parents leaving their kids with strangers. Can you think of another option? Since my guests are traveling so far and I really want them all to have fun, I want to offer as much help as I can. 

ei34

My daughter just turned two and my twins will be one next month, and I haven't left them with anyone but family yet...until they're talking I'm uncomfortable leaving them with someone I don't know well.  So if I was one of your friends, I'd be bringing my own childcare.  My good friend would probably line up a sitter using care.com after doing her own research.  Long story short, every parent has their own comfort level, and is responsible for providing their own sitting.  It's nice of you to think of them but I really don't think it's necessary.
 
And ditto @mobkaz 's thinking- if you do suggest sitters on your website, I definitely don't think you're responsible to pay.  If I'm choosing to attend your wedding, it's on me to get myself there, pay for lodging, childcare, etc.  At your reception I shouldn't have to open my wallet, but everything surrounding that isn't the hosts' responsibility, IMO.

ETA spelling

ILoveBeachMusic

Totally agree with PPs. When DD was a flower girl in a cousin's wedding (many years ago), the parents of the bride arranged for sitting (for younger son) at our hotel but we paid. They had sitters at the church (ceremony and reception venue) during the wedding and reception that they paid for.

MesmrEwe

5PM ceremony is NOT too late for young kids - just say'n!  It's harder to do a 12-3 ceremony timeframe with kids because that's typically "Nap time" at about 90% of all daycare centers, so breaking up routine..  Since the kids are invited, babysitting IS NOT your "job", and even if kids weren't it still wouldn't be.  While nice to have a babysitting option, quite honestly, if I was OOT and a couple offered it, I'd be A LOT more comfortable with "17yo niece/cousin of the bride/groom is going to supervise the kids in this room at the venue" (where I can go check on them at any time or be grabbed to attend to any needs depending on their age) than I would the random person at the retirement community. 

Assuming you're serving a meal, that means you'd be wrapped up before 9 with the start of the dance.  Don't take it personally, most guests take off the second dinner is over/cake served regardless of the time of day the event is nor whether or not they've got kids.  If a parent chooses to hire a sitter so they can have an evening out alone, that's awesome, just be aware, they'll be leaving early because the sitter needs to go home..

wmam35

It is not your responsibility to deal with childcare for other couples.  If they are adult enough to have a child, then they are adult enough to find a babysitter. 

That being said, I would not be comfortable leaving my children with someone I didn't know.  I can barely leave them with my mom because I'm an insane control freak.

Heffalump

I have never expected the couple to pay for my kids' sitter.  And frankly, I'd prefer to make the arrangements on my own. 

I think it's a kind impulse, OP, but really, really unnecessary.

Jen4948

It's kind of you to offer a babysitter, but do you know for sure that these guests will in fact take advantage of your offer? Since many parents won't leave their kids with strangers, your paid babysitter may have no kids to look after if your guests choose not to use his/her services.