Late last year, I was asked by my best friend from college to be a bridesmaid in her May 2017 wedding. I happily accepted.
I just graduated from grad school and am having a much more difficult time finding employment than I anticipated. As a result, DH and I are living off his income alone, which is do-able but leaves us with maybe 10.00 left over at the end of each month if we are lucky.
Last month, my friend asked me what I would be comfortable spending on a BM dress because she knows that I am in a very tight financial spot with no end in sight right now. I told her $120.00. Before giving her this number, I did my research to ensure that there were a lot of various options in this price range. I found there to be tons of gorgeous dresses in this range. Hers is a wedding that I am going to have to fly across the country for, so with those expenses, 120 is really all I can commit to for a dress.
Last week, she sends a group text to all BMs with a picture of the dress she picked for us, saying that it was $200.00 and said that the goal was to have them all purchased by September 1.
I spoke with my friend and explained to her that $120.00 was a hard limit for me (and frankly, stretching it as it is) and that I couldn't afford to spend more than that. I realize that to many, $80.00 is nothing, but for me right now, it is a whole weeks worth of groceries. Of course, I explained that I hoped to find employment between now and then, but I couldn't commit to counting my eggs before they hatched and that I needed to be firm with my budget in my present situation.
She offered that it was probably best if I resign my place as a B and attend as a guest. In the same conversation, she noted that "at least I told her this in enough advance because she has a cousin she could ask to fill my place". Knotties, I am incredibly hurt by this. Friend stated that she wanted to stay in my budget but she just couldn;t find anything that had the right look in that price range. To me, this indicates that her vision for her wedding photos is more important to her than having a good friend since college in her wedding. Also, by brushing it off and saying that she could replace me with a cousin made me feel very insignificant.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? Was it selfish of me to set such a low budget and hope that she would pick a dress within said budget?
ALSO: just a couple of months ago, I had another friend tell me that she wanted me as her MOH for her wedding, but because she didnt think I could afford it, was just going to have me be a bridesmaid. But she wanted me to know I was her first pick for MOH. Am I ridiculous for feeling like price tags have been attached to my friendships with these women? It is very isolating to feel that my friendship is valued at the amount of money I have to spend towards their weddings.If I had the money to give them each the bridal experience they want, I would. But I just dont right now.