Invites and Paper

Children over 18 get Separate Invites?

DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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I just read that children over 18 must receive a separate invitation even if they are still living at home. Is this true? My brother has two of his three adult children living with him. I can't address one invitation to The XYZ Family? 

Re: Children over 18 get Separate Invites?

  • I do not understand the logic behind this at all. If I want to invite both members of a couple who live together, would I send seperate invites or just "X and Y". The only thing I would caution is to name everyone on the inner envelope so they know EXACTLY who is invited with no confusion (also makes the adult children feel a little more special)
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    There aren't inner envelopes. I'm going super simple. I've seen somewhere else where I could do:

    Mr. And Mrs. Bride's Brother
    Daughter Name, Son Name
    Address

    But I don't like then that the wife's name isn't included.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    I feel your pain, but those adult children should receive their own invitations.

    The example you offer applies to families with minor children.

    I agree about the wife's name. I hate getting mail addressed to Mrs. James Poppy. I have my very own first name, please use it. But that is my personal preference. How does your SIL prefer to be addressed?
                
    SP29InLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    @MairePoppy I don't know how she likes to be addressed. 
    @madamerwin I'm 100% positive no one would be offended. The kids just graduated high school last month. 

    I think I'll do theirs as:
    The Brady Family
    Mike, Carole, Peter, & Marcia
    123 Any Street
    Any City, State 12345
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    AddieCake said:
    They are adults, not a social unit with their parents or siblings, and should receive their own invitations.

    ETA: But if they just graduated high school and you know it won't offend them, it's a victimless crime.
    Let's just say they're very simple people and most likely don't even know that's something to be offended by.
  • AddieCake said:
    They are adults, not a social unit with their parents or siblings, and should receive their own invitations.

    ETA: But if they just graduated high school and you know it won't offend them, it's a victimless crime.
    This is sort of where I am.

    In DH's family, it's rather often that there are a lot of people over 18 living at home.   The only thing that they do at their home is sleep and maybe eat dinner on Sundays.   They live their own lives and don't keep to the same schedule or 'unit' as their parents at all.   In those cases, they SHOULD get get their own invitations since it's unlikely that they'll even see something that comes in addressed to their mom and dad.

    In this situation you're probably OK. 
    AddieCakeSP29
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    banana468 said:
    AddieCake said:
    They are adults, not a social unit with their parents or siblings, and should receive their own invitations.

    ETA: But if they just graduated high school and you know it won't offend them, it's a victimless crime.
    This is sort of where I am.

    In DH's family, it's rather often that there are a lot of people over 18 living at home.   The only thing that they do at their home is sleep and maybe eat dinner on Sundays.   They live their own lives and don't keep to the same schedule or 'unit' as their parents at all.   In those cases, they SHOULD get get their own invitations since it's unlikely that they'll even see something that comes in addressed to their mom and dad.

    In this situation you're probably OK. 
    They're definitely still close enough that mom and dad would say "hey you need to take off on this date for your Aunt's wedding."
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York
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    If I want to invite both members of a couple who live together, would I send seperate invites or just "X and Y".
    "X and Y" because they're a social unit.


    SP29
  • If they've only just finished school and will all be travelling together and they're a small and close family i don't see the harm in it at all, it's not something many would take offense at in my opinion.

    If there are partners invited and it's a confusing family dynamic though i would do seperate invites purely for the ease of it. For example when we got cousins wedding invite we were all based at home but on completely different lives at uni/ work etc and three out of four had long term partners and mum was widowed so it made sense to do seperate invites. When FI's cousin invited us to her wedding one invite was sent to the parents with their names, childrens names and partners names and that was completely fine.
    DrillSergeantCatOurWildKingdom
  • I do not know any 18-20 y/o still living at home who would be offended not to receive their own wedding invitation.
    I think at that age, you don't really care about weddings.
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    Technically etiquette says that an adult should get his/her invitation separate from parents because he/she should be managing his/her own social calendar. I agree that it's a probably a minor issue, especially in the case of adults who are still in high school. 

    Still, "The Smith Family" is never appropriate. If you're going to include them all, you'd do it just as if the adult children were minor children:

    Mr. and Mrs. John [and Jane] Smith
    Sally, Susie, Bobby
    124...


    "And family" is lazy and unclear. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29InLoveInQueens
  • Technically etiquette says that an adult should get his/her invitation separate from parents because he/she should be managing his/her own social calendar. I agree that it's a probably a minor issue, especially in the case of adults who are still in high school. 

    Still, "The Smith Family" is never appropriate. If you're going to include them all, you'd do it just as if the adult children were minor children:

    Mr. and Mrs. John [and Jane] Smith
    Sally, Susie, Bobby
    124...


    "And family" is lazy and unclear. 
    Eh, still feel like it's a "know your crowd" type of thing. We used "The [LastName] Family" for families with children who were invited. Not a single family we invited needed clarification on what that meant. No one inquired as to if their Aunt Suzie was included as part of the "family" or to make sure that it included their children. And we invited a large number of families.

    I think it looks weird to list the kids under the parents' names like your example above. Is my way technically etiquette-correct? No, but there was zero confusion and I highly doubt anyone thought I was being lazy by not listing the kids.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    edited July 2016
    I do not know any 18-20 y/o still living at home who would be offended not to receive their own wedding invitation.
    I think at that age, you don't really care about weddings.
    I don't know, I lived at home (part-time; I was away at school most of the year) till I was 22, and I would have been flattered to receive my own invitation. 

    I have three young adult cousins still living at home, and one who is older (31). They'll all get their own invitations, and my 20-year-old cousin's boyfriend will get his own invitation too.
    charlotte989875SP29
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    Technically etiquette says that an adult should get his/her invitation separate from parents because he/she should be managing his/her own social calendar. I agree that it's a probably a minor issue, especially in the case of adults who are still in high school. 

    Still, "The Smith Family" is never appropriate. If you're going to include them all, you'd do it just as if the adult children were minor children:

    Mr. and Mrs. John [and Jane] Smith
    Sally, Susie, Bobby
    124...


    "And family" is lazy and unclear. 
    Eh, still feel like it's a "know your crowd" type of thing. We used "The [LastName] Family" for families with children who were invited. Not a single family we invited needed clarification on what that meant. No one inquired as to if their Aunt Suzie was included as part of the "family" or to make sure that it included their children. And we invited a large number of families.

    I think it looks weird to list the kids under the parents' names like your example above. Is my way technically etiquette-correct? No, but there was zero confusion and I highly doubt anyone thought I was being lazy by not listing the kids.
    Good for you, but it's still rude.

    You have no idea what people thought. Many people find it lazy when you can't be bothered to address them by name. It looks like you didn't know their names and didn't care enough to find out. 
    SP29InLoveInQueens
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    I do not know any 18-20 y/o still living at home who would be offended not to receive their own wedding invitation.
    I think at that age, you don't really care about weddings.
    I don't know, I lived at home (part-time; I was away at school most of the year) till I was 22, and I would have been flattered to receive my own invitation. 

    I have three young adult cousins still living at home, and one who is older (31). They'll all get their own invitations, and my 20-year-old cousin's boyfriend will get his own invitation too.
    I think for the $.50 it costs, I prefer to send separate invitations.  While it may be "victimless", I think there is a subtle message about recognizing 18+ as adults. 

    If any of those younger adults are dating, how do you handle SO's if the children are lumped in a family invitation?  I think it also gives the 18+ old a sense of personal responsibility, learning how to RSVP properly.
    OurWildKingdomMairePoppymadamerwinSP29
  • madamerwinmadamerwin
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    edited July 2016
    Technically etiquette says that an adult should get his/her invitation separate from parents because he/she should be managing his/her own social calendar. I agree that it's a probably a minor issue, especially in the case of adults who are still in high school. 

    Still, "The Smith Family" is never appropriate. If you're going to include them all, you'd do it just as if the adult children were minor children:

    Mr. and Mrs. John [and Jane] Smith
    Sally, Susie, Bobby
    124...


    "And family" is lazy and unclear. 
    Eh, still feel like it's a "know your crowd" type of thing. We used "The [LastName] Family" for families with children who were invited. Not a single family we invited needed clarification on what that meant. No one inquired as to if their Aunt Suzie was included as part of the "family" or to make sure that it included their children. And we invited a large number of families.

    I think it looks weird to list the kids under the parents' names like your example above. Is my way technically etiquette-correct? No, but there was zero confusion and I highly doubt anyone thought I was being lazy by not listing the kids.
    Good for you, but it's still rude.

    You have no idea what people thought. Many people find it lazy when you can't be bothered to address them by name. It looks like you didn't know their names and didn't care enough to find out. 
    Nope, still subjective. Just because YOU personally would be offended by an invitation addressed to "The Smith Family" does not mean, universally, that it's offensive or that everyone finds it lazy and rude. In fact, my family has received such invitations, and guess what? I did not think the host was lazy or rude. 

    And to be clear: I agree "And Family" is unclear, but seriously, seems like you're getting your panties in a twist over this.

    ETA: The families we invited were very close friends. Friends we see on a weekly basis, whose kids we babysit on occasion. There was absolutely no way they could question whether we knew their kids names. We did not invite anyone to our wedding whose kids we did not know personally. It's ridiculous to think that anyone would feel like we didn't care to find out the names of kids we see all. the. time.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York
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    Rudeness is not defined by who isn't offended.
    charlotte989875SP29
  • Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    MobKaz said:
    I think for the $.50 it costs, I prefer to send separate invitations.  While it may be "victimless", I think there is a subtle message about recognizing 18+ as adults. 

    If any of those younger adults are dating, how do you handle SO's if the children are lumped in a family invitation?  I think it also gives the 18+ old a sense of personal responsibility, learning how to RSVP properly.
    My nephew has a girlfriend, my niece is single. I really don't want my nephew or his pot selling girlfriend at my wedding, but I feel like I can't not invite him if I invite the rest of the family.

    Speaking of that...my brother (same family I'm talking about here) has another adult daughter who is out on her own. I'm not planning on inviting her because we're no longer close, she's incredibly childish and self-involved, and will have a newborn at the time. I'm not sure if I should extend an invitation anyway.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    It might seem "victimless" to you, but two things:

    1) We don't endorse violations of etiquette, and "The Smith Family" just isn't proper etiquette -- regardless of whether or not you or your intended recipients think it would be "offensive" to anyone or "victimless."

    2) It also opens the door for a lot of confusion.  "The Smith Family" could include parents, children, SOs of children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to the nth degree, and the family pets.  (For the same reason, we don't generally endorse "And Guest" either.) Sending each social unit its own invitation makes clearer who is invited and respects each social unit's status.
    SP29LtPowersMyNameIsNot
  • @DrillSergeantCat if your nephew is under 18, then his "social unit" is his immediate family and you don't have to invite his girlfriend. If he's over 18 then you should invite his girlfriend as well. 

    As for the adult daughter, she is no longer part of the immediate family "social unit" so you can chose to invite her or not based on what you want. Personally, I wouldn't invite her if I really didn't want her there. But only you know if that will result in a lot of hurt feelings or drama within your family. 
    ILoveBeachMusicSP29InLoveInQueens
  • madamerwinmadamerwin
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    edited July 2016
    Jen4948 said:
    Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    It might seem "victimless" to you, but two things:

    1) We don't endorse violations of etiquette, and "The Smith Family" just isn't proper etiquette -- regardless of whether or not you or your intended recipients think it would be "offensive" to anyone or "victimless."

    2) It also opens the door for a lot of confusion.  "The Smith Family" could include parents, children, SOs of children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to the nth degree, and the family pets.  (For the same reason, we don't generally endorse "And Guest" either.) Sending each social unit its own invitation makes clearer who is invited and respects each social unit's status.
    1) If you look back to my very first post on this thread, I stated that separate invites are proper etiquette right at the beginning. I also shared my personal experience. I am in no way telling everyone that they should do it how I did; I was, however, sharing my personal situation, which I am allowed to do. So please do not tell me how to post. 

    2) Maybe this was not clear to you, but the only people we addressed as "The [Name] Family" were people we were very close to, who we speak with regularly. All of these people knew before we sent invitations that they and their children were invited. In my particular situation, there was no confusion, since everyone (meaning, like, three families total) knew ahead of time. I also know there was not confusion because they all RSVP'd with the correct number of people (them and their children), and - shocker - no one tried to bring great aunt Sally and cousin Mae.

    AGAIN - I was sharing my situation and stating that for my particular circle, "The [Name] Family" is extremely common. I am not saying it is correct, just that there are occasions and circles where it's common.

    Also, I don't think you understand the term "victimless crime" - yes, it's still a breach of etiquette, but it is not likely to cause any damage. Doesn't make it right, but it is the least offensive thing someone could do that is a breach of etiquette.

    You all can keep telling me I am wrong and keep talking in circles, but this is getting tiresome.

    ETA: What does the bolded have to do with anything? A family IS a social unit. I never said anything about not sending one invitation to one family. I stated there was one exception at my wedding where I included adult children with their parents, but otherwise I am only referring to families with actual children.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Jen4948 said:
    Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    It might seem "victimless" to you, but two things:

    1) We don't endorse violations of etiquette, and "The Smith Family" just isn't proper etiquette -- regardless of whether or not you or your intended recipients think it would be "offensive" to anyone or "victimless."

    2) It also opens the door for a lot of confusion.  "The Smith Family" could include parents, children, SOs of children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to the nth degree, and the family pets.  (For the same reason, we don't generally endorse "And Guest" either.) Sending each social unit its own invitation makes clearer who is invited and respects each social unit's status.
    1) If you look back to my very first post on this thread, I stated that separate invites are proper etiquette right at the beginning. I also shared my personal experience. I am in no way telling everyone that they should do it how I did; I was, however, sharing my personal situation, which I am allowed to do. So please do not tell me how to post. 

    2) Maybe this was not clear to you, but the only people we addressed as "The [Name] Family" were people we were very close to, who we speak with regularly. All of these people knew before we sent invitations that they and their children were invited. In my particular situation, there was no confusion, since everyone (meaning, like, three families total) knew ahead of time. I also know there was not confusion because they all RSVP'd with the correct number of people (them and their children), and - shocker - no one tried to bring great aunt Sally and cousin Mae.

    AGAIN - I was sharing my situation and stating that for my particular circle, "The [Name] Family" is extremely common. I am not saying it is correct, just that there are occasions and circles where it's common.

    Also, I don't think you understand the term "victimless crime" - yes, it's still a breach of etiquette, but it is not likely to cause any damage. Doesn't make it right, but it is the least offensive thing someone could do that is a breach of etiquette.

    You all can keep telling me I am wrong and keep talking in circles, but this is getting tiresome.

    Please indicate where in my post I told you how to post.  Hint: You can't because I didn't.

    And it doesn't matter how clear you tried to make it.

    Maybe this isn't clear to you: the purpose of this site, and especially this folder (which is titled "Etiquette"), is to promote proper etiquette. If someone proposes to do something, or claims to have done something that isn't proper etiquette, they are going to get called out on it, regardless of whether or not something is a "victimless crime" or what your family and friends think of "The [Name] Family", which are not the criteria by which something is judged acceptable or proper etiquette. 
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    edited July 2016
    Jen4948 said:
    Please indicate where in my post I told you how to post.  Hint: You can't because I didn't.

    And it doesn't matter how clear you tried to make it.

    Maybe this isn't clear to you: the purpose of this site, and especially this folder (which is titled "Etiquette"), is to promote proper etiquette. If someone proposes to do something, or claims to have done something that isn't proper etiquette, they are going to get called out on it, regardless of whether or not something is a "victimless crime" or what your family and friends think of "The [Name] Family", which are not the criteria by which something is judged acceptable or proper etiquette. 
    We're actually on the invites and paper board. Otherwise, I get what you're saying. 
    SP29
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    It might seem "victimless" to you, but two things:

    1) We don't endorse violations of etiquette, and "The Smith Family" just isn't proper etiquette -- regardless of whether or not you or your intended recipients think it would be "offensive" to anyone or "victimless."

    2) It also opens the door for a lot of confusion.  "The Smith Family" could include parents, children, SOs of children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to the nth degree, and the family pets.  (For the same reason, we don't generally endorse "And Guest" either.) Sending each social unit its own invitation makes clearer who is invited and respects each social unit's status.
    1) If you look back to my very first post on this thread, I stated that separate invites are proper etiquette right at the beginning. I also shared my personal experience. I am in no way telling everyone that they should do it how I did; I was, however, sharing my personal situation, which I am allowed to do. So please do not tell me how to post. 

    2) Maybe this was not clear to you, but the only people we addressed as "The [Name] Family" were people we were very close to, who we speak with regularly. All of these people knew before we sent invitations that they and their children were invited. In my particular situation, there was no confusion, since everyone (meaning, like, three families total) knew ahead of time. I also know there was not confusion because they all RSVP'd with the correct number of people (them and their children), and - shocker - no one tried to bring great aunt Sally and cousin Mae.

    AGAIN - I was sharing my situation and stating that for my particular circle, "The [Name] Family" is extremely common. I am not saying it is correct, just that there are occasions and circles where it's common.

    Also, I don't think you understand the term "victimless crime" - yes, it's still a breach of etiquette, but it is not likely to cause any damage. Doesn't make it right, but it is the least offensive thing someone could do that is a breach of etiquette.

    You all can keep telling me I am wrong and keep talking in circles, but this is getting tiresome.

    Please indicate where in my post I told you how to post.  Hint: You can't because I didn't.

    And it doesn't matter how clear you tried to make it.

    Maybe this isn't clear to you: the purpose of this site, and especially this folder (which is titled "Etiquette"), is to promote proper etiquette. If someone proposes to do something, or claims to have done something that isn't proper etiquette, they are going to get called out on it, regardless of whether or not something is a "victimless crime" or what your family and friends think of "The [Name] Family", which are not the criteria by which something is judged acceptable or proper etiquette. 
    Ugh, I get it. I acknowledged I did not follow proper etiquette. I am still allowed my opinion. Can we stop now?

    Also, this is NOT the etiquette board, for the record. Though yes, I know "we" (which you keep using, since you are the spokesperson for everyone on TK now, apparently) are only supposed to espouse proper etiquette. Doesn't mean I cannot state my opinion, especially since I acknowledged what is "proper."
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    It might seem "victimless" to you, but two things:

    1) We don't endorse violations of etiquette, and "The Smith Family" just isn't proper etiquette -- regardless of whether or not you or your intended recipients think it would be "offensive" to anyone or "victimless."

    2) It also opens the door for a lot of confusion.  "The Smith Family" could include parents, children, SOs of children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to the nth degree, and the family pets.  (For the same reason, we don't generally endorse "And Guest" either.) Sending each social unit its own invitation makes clearer who is invited and respects each social unit's status.
    1) If you look back to my very first post on this thread, I stated that separate invites are proper etiquette right at the beginning. I also shared my personal experience. I am in no way telling everyone that they should do it how I did; I was, however, sharing my personal situation, which I am allowed to do. So please do not tell me how to post. 

    2) Maybe this was not clear to you, but the only people we addressed as "The [Name] Family" were people we were very close to, who we speak with regularly. All of these people knew before we sent invitations that they and their children were invited. In my particular situation, there was no confusion, since everyone (meaning, like, three families total) knew ahead of time. I also know there was not confusion because they all RSVP'd with the correct number of people (them and their children), and - shocker - no one tried to bring great aunt Sally and cousin Mae.

    AGAIN - I was sharing my situation and stating that for my particular circle, "The [Name] Family" is extremely common. I am not saying it is correct, just that there are occasions and circles where it's common.

    Also, I don't think you understand the term "victimless crime" - yes, it's still a breach of etiquette, but it is not likely to cause any damage. Doesn't make it right, but it is the least offensive thing someone could do that is a breach of etiquette.

    You all can keep telling me I am wrong and keep talking in circles, but this is getting tiresome.

    Please indicate where in my post I told you how to post.  Hint: You can't because I didn't.

    And it doesn't matter how clear you tried to make it.

    Maybe this isn't clear to you: the purpose of this site, and especially this folder (which is titled "Etiquette"), is to promote proper etiquette. If someone proposes to do something, or claims to have done something that isn't proper etiquette, they are going to get called out on it, regardless of whether or not something is a "victimless crime" or what your family and friends think of "The [Name] Family", which are not the criteria by which something is judged acceptable or proper etiquette. 
    Ugh, I get it. I acknowledged I did not follow proper etiquette. I am still allowed my opinion. Can we stop now?

    Also, this is NOT the etiquette board, for the record. Though yes, I know "we" (which you keep using, since you are the spokesperson for everyone on TK now, apparently) are only supposed to espouse proper etiquette. Doesn't mean I cannot state my opinion, especially since I acknowledged what is "proper."
    Actually, the whole forum is about etiquette, regardless of which folder you post in.  You can certainly state your opinion, but anyone who states an opinion that violates etiquette is going to have their post addressed, whether or not it's in the folder labeled "Etiquette."  And we have just as much right to do that as you have to state your opinion.

    That said, your request to drop the subject is granted if you do the same.
  • Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    It might seem "victimless" to you, but two things:

    1) We don't endorse violations of etiquette, and "The Smith Family" just isn't proper etiquette -- regardless of whether or not you or your intended recipients think it would be "offensive" to anyone or "victimless."

    2) It also opens the door for a lot of confusion.  "The Smith Family" could include parents, children, SOs of children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to the nth degree, and the family pets.  (For the same reason, we don't generally endorse "And Guest" either.) Sending each social unit its own invitation makes clearer who is invited and respects each social unit's status.
    1) If you look back to my very first post on this thread, I stated that separate invites are proper etiquette right at the beginning. I also shared my personal experience. I am in no way telling everyone that they should do it how I did; I was, however, sharing my personal situation, which I am allowed to do. So please do not tell me how to post. 

    2) Maybe this was not clear to you, but the only people we addressed as "The [Name] Family" were people we were very close to, who we speak with regularly. All of these people knew before we sent invitations that they and their children were invited. In my particular situation, there was no confusion, since everyone (meaning, like, three families total) knew ahead of time. I also know there was not confusion because they all RSVP'd with the correct number of people (them and their children), and - shocker - no one tried to bring great aunt Sally and cousin Mae.

    AGAIN - I was sharing my situation and stating that for my particular circle, "The [Name] Family" is extremely common. I am not saying it is correct, just that there are occasions and circles where it's common.

    Also, I don't think you understand the term "victimless crime" - yes, it's still a breach of etiquette, but it is not likely to cause any damage. Doesn't make it right, but it is the least offensive thing someone could do that is a breach of etiquette.

    You all can keep telling me I am wrong and keep talking in circles, but this is getting tiresome.

    Please indicate where in my post I told you how to post.  Hint: You can't because I didn't.

    And it doesn't matter how clear you tried to make it.

    Maybe this isn't clear to you: the purpose of this site, and especially this folder (which is titled "Etiquette"), is to promote proper etiquette. If someone proposes to do something, or claims to have done something that isn't proper etiquette, they are going to get called out on it, regardless of whether or not something is a "victimless crime" or what your family and friends think of "The [Name] Family", which are not the criteria by which something is judged acceptable or proper etiquette. 
    Ugh, I get it. I acknowledged I did not follow proper etiquette. I am still allowed my opinion. Can we stop now?

    Also, this is NOT the etiquette board, for the record. Though yes, I know "we" (which you keep using, since you are the spokesperson for everyone on TK now, apparently) are only supposed to espouse proper etiquette. Doesn't mean I cannot state my opinion, especially since I acknowledged what is "proper."
    Actually, the whole forum is about etiquette, regardless of which folder you post in.  You can certainly state your opinion, but anyone who states an opinion that violates etiquette is going to have their post addressed, whether or not it's in the folder labeled "Etiquette."  And we have just as much right to do that as you have to state your opinion.

    That said, your request to drop the subject is granted if you do the same.
    Unrelated to the original subject: On the bolded - did you not even read my post that you responded to? I expressly stated that TK members are supposed to espouse proper etiquette regardless. Makes me wonder if you read entire posts.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    edited July 2016
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Good lord, people. Addressing an invitation to "The Smith Family" is seriously a victimless offense.

    I texted one of my friends (whose invitation to our wedding was, indeed, addressed as such) and asked: 

    If you got an invitation to an event addressed to "The [Name] Family," would you be offended or think the host was rude?

    Her exact response: "?? What part of that would be offensive?"

    Another family we addressed that way actually sent us an invite a couple of weeks ago addressed the same way, so it's fair to assume they also don't find it rude. Maybe my friends are more laid back than most, I don't know. But in my circles, it's really, really common to address invitations/letters/etc. that way.

    I know some of you will continue to tell me I'm rude, and that's fine. We are not friends in real life, so luckily I will not offend you personally.
    It might seem "victimless" to you, but two things:

    1) We don't endorse violations of etiquette, and "The Smith Family" just isn't proper etiquette -- regardless of whether or not you or your intended recipients think it would be "offensive" to anyone or "victimless."

    2) It also opens the door for a lot of confusion.  "The Smith Family" could include parents, children, SOs of children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins to the nth degree, and the family pets.  (For the same reason, we don't generally endorse "And Guest" either.) Sending each social unit its own invitation makes clearer who is invited and respects each social unit's status.
    1) If you look back to my very first post on this thread, I stated that separate invites are proper etiquette right at the beginning. I also shared my personal experience. I am in no way telling everyone that they should do it how I did; I was, however, sharing my personal situation, which I am allowed to do. So please do not tell me how to post. 

    2) Maybe this was not clear to you, but the only people we addressed as "The [Name] Family" were people we were very close to, who we speak with regularly. All of these people knew before we sent invitations that they and their children were invited. In my particular situation, there was no confusion, since everyone (meaning, like, three families total) knew ahead of time. I also know there was not confusion because they all RSVP'd with the correct number of people (them and their children), and - shocker - no one tried to bring great aunt Sally and cousin Mae.

    AGAIN - I was sharing my situation and stating that for my particular circle, "The [Name] Family" is extremely common. I am not saying it is correct, just that there are occasions and circles where it's common.

    Also, I don't think you understand the term "victimless crime" - yes, it's still a breach of etiquette, but it is not likely to cause any damage. Doesn't make it right, but it is the least offensive thing someone could do that is a breach of etiquette.

    You all can keep telling me I am wrong and keep talking in circles, but this is getting tiresome.

    Please indicate where in my post I told you how to post.  Hint: You can't because I didn't.

    And it doesn't matter how clear you tried to make it.

    Maybe this isn't clear to you: the purpose of this site, and especially this folder (which is titled "Etiquette"), is to promote proper etiquette. If someone proposes to do something, or claims to have done something that isn't proper etiquette, they are going to get called out on it, regardless of whether or not something is a "victimless crime" or what your family and friends think of "The [Name] Family", which are not the criteria by which something is judged acceptable or proper etiquette. 
    Ugh, I get it. I acknowledged I did not follow proper etiquette. I am still allowed my opinion. Can we stop now?

    Also, this is NOT the etiquette board, for the record. Though yes, I know "we" (which you keep using, since you are the spokesperson for everyone on TK now, apparently) are only supposed to espouse proper etiquette. Doesn't mean I cannot state my opinion, especially since I acknowledged what is "proper."
    Actually, the whole forum is about etiquette, regardless of which folder you post in.  You can certainly state your opinion, but anyone who states an opinion that violates etiquette is going to have their post addressed, whether or not it's in the folder labeled "Etiquette."  And we have just as much right to do that as you have to state your opinion.

    That said, your request to drop the subject is granted if you do the same.
    Unrelated to the original subject: On the bolded - did you not even read my post that you responded to? I expressly stated that TK members are supposed to espouse proper etiquette regardless. Makes me wonder if you read entire posts.
    Look, you were the one who wanted to end this conversation, and I was taking you up on it. If you want to waste time wondering about whether or not I read entire posts, I have to do the same about you.
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