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Pre-wedding Parties

Vegetarian/Vegan food

I am in the midst of helping plan/co-host a shower for my SIL.  Her MOH is coordinating between the co-host and talking to the bride about her wants/needs/wishes.  

There are about 40 people on the guest list and there is only one person who is vegetarian with vegan tendencies (by that I mean she eat's salmon and food that others have prepared that are not vegan).  The MOH is requesting that ALL food be prepared vegan...not just vegetarian.  I am having a hard time with this because this is one person out of 40 that we are catering to, and it's not even the bride.  I always think about the majority of the guests when planning a party.  

Is this an instance where I should keep my mouth shut, or speak up for the rest of the guests that are not veg/vegan?
Anniversary

Re: Vegetarian/Vegan food

  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I'd remind her that it's a nice gesture to be sure to provide something to eat for the one guest, but that she should also be sure everyone else has food as well. Not everyone likes or will eat Tofu or whatever she's planning to bring. After you've said your piece, let it go.
    OurWildKingdomernursejInLoveInQueens
  • I would ask that you guys plan for a vegan dish for this person, but that the overall menu should cater to the majority.
    OurWildKingdomernursejSP29bohobrideCA
  • Thank you;  that's was I was thinking.  I could understand if it was the bride herself or a majority but this would be for one guest (who may not even come).  Appreciate your responses. 
    Anniversary
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    That's unreasonable. I was in a similar situation for a party recently where we were all asked to prepare foods that meet the dietary restrictions of ONE guest as opposed to just labeling our dishes. I didn't know if I was just being an asshole for thinking that was bullshit. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I certainly don't feel like you need to cater specifically to one person's dietary restrictions (I'm just going to ignore the fact that technically she would be a pescatarian and what sounds like a "free-gan" since she doesn't seem to mind eating dairy and fish as long as it's free), so long as you have options available.

    However, I did want to dispel the notion that making the entire thing vegetarian (or vegan if she really refuses to eat dairy and eggs) doesn't mean resorting to tofu, as one poster above mentions.  There are lots of delicious foods that are naturally veg*n that don't rely on meat substitutes and no one will starve to death.

    You could do hummus with veggies and crackers, fruit salad, pasta salad with veggies and chickpeas or cannellini beans and vinaigrette or pesto dressing (just leave out the parmesan on the pesto - you'll hardly miss it), a grain salad with quinoa for protein, bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms with a walnut/spinach filling, falafel or samosas, gazpacho shooters - if you're going heavier with the food then something like chili is easily made with beans only instead of meat.
    SP29redoryxGreenjinjo ahoywedding
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    jacques27 said:
    I certainly don't feel like you need to cater specifically to one person's dietary restrictions (I'm just going to ignore the fact that technically she would be a pescatarian and what sounds like a "free-gan" since she doesn't seem to mind eating dairy and fish as long as it's free), so long as you have options available.

    However, I did want to dispel the notion that making the entire thing vegetarian (or vegan if she really refuses to eat dairy and eggs) doesn't mean resorting to tofu, as one poster above mentions.  There are lots of delicious foods that are naturally veg*n that don't rely on meat substitutes and no one will starve to death.

    You could do hummus with veggies and crackers, fruit salad, pasta salad with veggies and chickpeas or cannellini beans and vinaigrette or pesto dressing (just leave out the parmesan on the pesto - you'll hardly miss it), a grain salad with quinoa for protein, bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms with a walnut/spinach filling, falafel or samosas, gazpacho shooters - if you're going heavier with the food then something like chili is easily made with beans only instead of meat.
    People get needlessly freaked out about vegan food. All of the above that @jacques27 mentioned would be delicious and approachable for non-vegans.

    Mmm . . . now I'm hungry.
    ahoyweddingCasadena
  • levioosa said:
    Cheese is life.  Cheese is forever.  Yes to everything else, haha.

    We live in Wisconsin....there is so much yes in this sentence! 

    Don't get me wrong.  Up until I had to give up most dairy for a health issue, those things most people call crispers in their fridge to store vegetables - I called my cheese drawers.  I'm just saying that in pesto, there are so many other flavors going on that the parmesan can easily be left out and not be missed if necessary (vs. going to a specialty store to buy the substitute non-dairy parmesan). 

    I think so many people are under the notion that everything veg*ns eat involve tofu/tempeh/seitan and having to buy expensive faux substitutes and really, it's just not that hard and most of it is just "normal" filling food that even omnivores will like.  Especially now that even places like Target are carrying Earth Balance vegan margarine and a variety of soy/almond/cashew/coconut milks for the same price or even less than their dairy counterparts.  They can be subbed into most recipes and you wouldn't even know the difference.  Most of my baking is vegan with those substitutions even though I'm no longer veg*n because I just don't get through eggs and milk fast enough to keep them on hand and non-dairy milk spoils much more slowly.
    OurWildKingdom
  • FH is vegan and I usually have a variety of vegan and non-vegan munchies available at parties. 

    This year for my son's birthday I made Guacamole, Hummus, vegan artichoke and spinach dip, and salsa. I served everything with corn chips, pitas, veggies and a cheese platter for the non-vegans. Trust me, there is lots you can do that is vegan without interrupting the flow of the non-vegan food. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29Heffalump
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    jacques27 said:
    I certainly don't feel like you need to cater specifically to one person's dietary restrictions (I'm just going to ignore the fact that technically she would be a pescatarian and what sounds like a "free-gan" since she doesn't seem to mind eating dairy and fish as long as it's free), so long as you have options available.

    However, I did want to dispel the notion that making the entire thing vegetarian (or vegan if she really refuses to eat dairy and eggs) doesn't mean resorting to tofu, as one poster above mentions.  There are lots of delicious foods that are naturally veg*n that don't rely on meat substitutes and no one will starve to death.

    You could do hummus with veggies and crackers, fruit salad, pasta salad with veggies and chickpeas or cannellini beans and vinaigrette or pesto dressing (just leave out the parmesan on the pesto - you'll hardly miss it), a grain salad with quinoa for protein, bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms with a walnut/spinach filling, falafel or samosas, gazpacho shooters - if you're going heavier with the food then something like chili is easily made with beans only instead of meat.
    If the food is delicious, no one's going to care if it's vegan or not. I have a friend who is vegan and gluten-free and an awesome cook. I've never heard anyone complain about anything she makes.
    SP29
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    jacques27 said:
    I certainly don't feel like you need to cater specifically to one person's dietary restrictions (I'm just going to ignore the fact that technically she would be a pescatarian and what sounds like a "free-gan" since she doesn't seem to mind eating dairy and fish as long as it's free), so long as you have options available.

    However, I did want to dispel the notion that making the entire thing vegetarian (or vegan if she really refuses to eat dairy and eggs) doesn't mean resorting to tofu, as one poster above mentions.  There are lots of delicious foods that are naturally veg*n that don't rely on meat substitutes and no one will starve to death.

    You could do hummus with veggies and crackers, fruit salad, pasta salad with veggies and chickpeas or cannellini beans and vinaigrette or pesto dressing (just leave out the parmesan on the pesto - you'll hardly miss it), a grain salad with quinoa for protein, bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms with a walnut/spinach filling, falafel or samosas, gazpacho shooters - if you're going heavier with the food then something like chili is easily made with beans only instead of meat.
    I didn't mean to imply that tofu is all vegans eat. As a hardcore carnivore, though, I'll confess to my ignorance about vegans. 
  • jacques27 said:
    I certainly don't feel like you need to cater specifically to one person's dietary restrictions (I'm just going to ignore the fact that technically she would be a pescatarian and what sounds like a "free-gan" since she doesn't seem to mind eating dairy and fish as long as it's free), so long as you have options available.

    However, I did want to dispel the notion that making the entire thing vegetarian (or vegan if she really refuses to eat dairy and eggs) doesn't mean resorting to tofu, as one poster above mentions.  There are lots of delicious foods that are naturally veg*n that don't rely on meat substitutes and no one will starve to death.

    You could do hummus with veggies and crackers, fruit salad, pasta salad with veggies and chickpeas or cannellini beans and vinaigrette or pesto dressing (just leave out the parmesan on the pesto - you'll hardly miss it), a grain salad with quinoa for protein, bruschetta, stuffed mushrooms with a walnut/spinach filling, falafel or samosas, gazpacho shooters - if you're going heavier with the food then something like chili is easily made with beans only instead of meat.
    I didn't mean to imply that tofu is all vegans eat. As a hardcore carnivore, though, I'll confess to my ignorance about vegans. 
    We have maybe one meal a week with tofu. Most of our meals are a variety of quinoa, legumes, tempeh, beans, roasted veggies, raw veggies, cous cous, rice, and other grains. We make our own pizza dough, pasta, and many of our own sauces. I can a lot of our veggies from the garden at the end of the summer and make sure that we grow stuff that we can eat throughout the year. 
    DrillSergeantCat
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2016
    Great suggestions above for vegetarian/vegan options that meat-eating people can enjoy too. You can even make a mean taco dip with faux-meat and nobody will know the difference because of the sauce and seasoning. 
    Most showers I attend are afternoon events with heavy apps, not full meals. Throw in platters of vegan cookies and cupcakes- those are delicious. 

    As a former pescatarian, I hate to say it, but a lot of people simply fear the words "vegetarian" and "vegan." If you just make all the food referenced here and never breathe a word about how the menu was chosen, nobody's going to question the menu much less bitch that the hosts catered to one person's dietary preferences. 

    ETA: but should you have to cater to one person's preferences, no, you should not have to. 
    ________________________________


    OurWildKingdomILoveBeachMusicGreenjinjo
  • I'm a vegetarian, and wouldn't be okay with this.  It would  feel super awkward walking into a party with 39 other attendees who see me as the reason there's no meat.  Plus, it puts way more pressure on me to actually attend.  Can't really come down with a flu that day.  Clearly labeled food and no hidden bacon if you can swing it, otherwise a heads up that I need to eat before hand/bring my own food.  What does this guest think of the arrangement?

    For vegan food definitely look at cuisines that aren't heavily reliant on dairy and meat.  Veggie summer rolls with peanut sauce would be awesome.  Baked goods made from scratch are also easy to sub out the eggs/dairy, there's a vegan chocolate cake recipe that I make often, and is highly rated on allrecipes.com.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Spoonsey said:
    I'm a vegetarian, and wouldn't be okay with this.  It would  feel super awkward walking into a party with 39 other attendees who see me as the reason there's no meat.  Plus, it puts way more pressure on me to actually attend.  Can't really come down with a flu that day.  Clearly labeled food and no hidden bacon if you can swing it, otherwise a heads up that I need to eat before hand/bring my own food.  What does this guest think of the arrangement?

    For vegan food definitely look at cuisines that aren't heavily reliant on dairy and meat.  Veggie summer rolls with peanut sauce would be awesome.  Baked goods made from scratch are also easy to sub out the eggs/dairy, there's a vegan chocolate cake recipe that I make often, and is highly rated on allrecipes.com.  
    I honestly don't think this one guest knows about this; the bride requested this on her behalf. 

    I did speak to the MOH about it and while she understands being sensitive to individual food needs, she was just following the brides request.   The food list was modified to include meat and plenty of options for our vegan/vegetarian/GF guests.

    I did also raise the issue that we could be going to all this work for one guest who may not even come (she was a no show for my own shower a few months ago; the bride is DH's sister and the veg guest is a cousin).  And as I mentioned above, I've seen her eat at other occasions (Thanksgiving, Christmas & my own wedding) where the food was not vegan and I've seen her eat salmon, so I was having a difficult time catering to one guests food needs.  If it was more than one guest or the bride that had a food requirement, I might have felt differently. 
    Anniversary
    DrillSergeantCatOurWildKingdom
  • My DH talking to MIL last night and found out the my SIL (the bride) is driving the MOH cray cray.  SIL told the MOH that she doesn't eat cake...and my MIL called her out ('when have you ever turned down cake?') and told her to stop being a micromanaging controlling bitch (which my MIL calls SIL 'Princess' all.the.time. so this just made my day)!  I'm glad MIL told her to step off.  

    I still don't think SIL understands that showers (and bachelorette parties) are thrown in  your honor (seriously, no one offered to throw her a shower so how she suckered MOH into doing it is beyond me) and are not a requirement when you're getting married; and if one is thrown, you should be grateful and not inputting all your wants, needs and wishes.  I feel like we are throwing a shower for her that she wants for herself (I mean, she even told us what games she wants to play...)  And the worst part is that MOH is taking everything SIL says and making it happen.  *facepalm*
    Anniversary
    OurWildKingdomJen4948
  • I think the dishes mentioned above would be fine for a crowd (I am a meat lover but all those sound delicious to me), but I also don't think anyone needs to feel like they need to have an entire vegan/vegetarian menu to cater to one guest. One of my best friends and bridesmaids is pescetarian, and while I did take it into consideration for my catering choices, we definitely still had meat there (but also had shrimp, mac and cheese, and crostinis without meat). In fact, I went to this same friend's bridal shower yesterday and they had a taco bar - with meat (and veggies and shrimp). I can't speak for all vegetarians, but she is in no way offended if others are eating meat around her and would not expect someone to cater to her needs for the entire party.
    OurWildKingdom
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited July 2016
    Heffalump said:
    lyndausvi said:
    There is no fucking way I would cater an entire menu off of ONE guest who is a vegetarian with vegan tendencies who has been seen [recently] eating salmon.  Her food choices alone are eye rolling because it doesn't really make sense.   She is nothing more than a picky eater to me.  

    She reminds of the girl who told me she was a vegan and wanted to know if DH had something on the NYE menu for her to eat.  Then added she does eat fish.  

    Umm, I don't think you know what vegan or vegetarian means.  People like her give people who really are vegetarians or vegans a bad name.    Just call it like it is, you are a picky eater.  No need to label yourself something you really are not.

    Anyway, I would have a vegetarian and/or vegan dish available.

    An entire menu?  Nope, not happening. 
    I worked with a woman once who said she was a vegetarian and then added "And I do eat chicken, too." 



    Chickens aren't very bright, but it's a bit of a stretch to call them vegetables. 
    DrillSergeantCatsparklepants41lyndausvi
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