feeling pretty terrible....what would Knotties do?

kaos16

Over the holiday weekend we went boating with friends. The couple that went with is are expecting a baby in September. When we left the water was relatively calm. We went to a little town on the water, hung out for a bit, then came home. During the ride home the wind picked up and the water got pretty rough. We were all being bounced around a little bit. The pregnant friend never mentioned anything until we got back to the dock, then indicated that she felt a little cramping. I grabbed her a bottle of water, asked her what else I could do. We sat for a few minutes, then she said she wanted to go home to relax and they left. I texted her about an hour or so later to see how she was feeling and she indicated that she felt fine but was really worried. She's afraid that the boat ride caused neurological problems to her unborn child. I feel terrible that she thinks that, and that her and her husband seem to blame my husband for the bumpy ride (despite the fact that he was going out of his way to take a smoother route, changing speed to ease the bumps, and staying behind bigger boats to ease the ride). At one point he even said he would drop us off at the beach and swing back for us in the car. I tried to check in with her yesterday, and now she isn't even responding to me. . . . I think her husband is even more upset. This is their first child, and they are a bit on edge (as many new parents are!) but I just feel bad about the situation, and I feel bad for my husband too. Would you do anything at this point, or just wait it out and see if they come around?

ThisShamanluvsaMage

It would have to have been one hell of a boat ride to cause issues with her baby. A fetus basically lives in a giant, protective water balloon and is jiggled, bumped, and bounced around daily.  Unless the choppy ride caused her to slam her belly against something, her baby is most likely fine.  Cramping is more likely to come from dehydration.  Just leave them alone for now.

-- mother of five, but not a doctor.

kaos16

ThisShamanluvsaMage said:

It would have to have been one hell of a boat ride to cause issues with her baby. A fetus basically lives in a giant, protective water balloon and is jiggled, bumped, and bounced around daily.  Unless the choppy ride caused her to slam her belly against something, her baby is most likely fine.  Cramping is more likely to come from dehydration.  Just leave them alone for now.

-- mother of five, but not a doctor.

She was sitting in the back with my 5 month old where the bumps are less jarring. . . . she certainly didn't slam into anything (thank goodness!!)

OliveOilsMom

I would wait it out.  You can't make them answer the phone.  Just like you couldn't control the wind on your ride back.  Your H did the best he could to minimize the bumping for all passengers.  They should not fault you for that.  They accepted the boat trip and should have known that weather conditions can change at anytime and to be prepared to accept any changes or to turn down the trip.

charlotte989875

I would leave them alone for now. Check in with her in a week or so. Hopefully in that time she will have gone to see her OB/GYN and be assured that nothing is wrong. This isn't your fault. 

JaxInBlue

I agree with Shaman.  If I remember correctly from this time last year (had our first last September), if your friend is at/around 32 weeks, Baby is already pretty developed in terms of brain and neurology.  Short of abdominal trauma, Baby's got a very well-protected environment and can tolerate bouncy around.

I remember freaking out because there were a few times I had to stop short while driving on the highway - I felt the jolt in my upper body and was really worried.  This may be a case of new parent jitters (especially if the cramping could be Braxton-Hicks contractions starting up) and feeling overly cautious. 

I'd hold back, let them get through a couple of days of good kick counts and through the next OB appointment.  Some reassurance things are going well will probably put both parents' minds at ease.  They may actually be beating themselves up more for wanting to take the boat ride; you and H are likely just easier/safer targets for their worries.

thisismynickname2

JaxInBlue said:

I'd hold back, let them get through a couple of days of good kick counts and through the next OB appointment.  Some reassurance things are going well will probably put both parents' minds at ease.  They may actually be beating themselves up more for wanting to take the boat ride; you and H are likely just easier/safer targets for their worries.

This is a polite way of saying what I think. 

OP I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. They chose to enjoy a boat ride. Think of all the things that jostle us- like, hitting a pothole while driving, plane turbulence, train tracks. Think of the days before modern conveniences- covered wagons? The human race wouldn't have survived if our bodies couldn't handle some jostling while pregnant. Geez. 

kaos16

thisismynickname said:

JaxInBlue said:

I'd hold back, let them get through a couple of days of good kick counts and through the next OB appointment.  Some reassurance things are going well will probably put both parents' minds at ease.  They may actually be beating themselves up more for wanting to take the boat ride; you and H are likely just easier/safer targets for their worries.

This is a polite way of saying what I think. 

OP I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. They chose to enjoy a boat ride. Think of all the things that jostle us- like, hitting a pothole while driving, plane turbulence, train tracks. Think of the days before modern conveniences- covered wagons? The human race wouldn't have survived if our bodies couldn't handle some jostling while pregnant. Geez. 

I'm just thinking that god forbid something is wrong with their baby neurologically for any reason at all (unrelated to the boat ride) once she arrives, they are going to say it was DH's fault!

thisismynickname2

kaos16 said:

thisismynickname said:

JaxInBlue said:

I'd hold back, let them get through a couple of days of good kick counts and through the next OB appointment.  Some reassurance things are going well will probably put both parents' minds at ease.  They may actually be beating themselves up more for wanting to take the boat ride; you and H are likely just easier/safer targets for their worries.

This is a polite way of saying what I think. 

OP I don't think you have anything to feel bad about. They chose to enjoy a boat ride. Think of all the things that jostle us- like, hitting a pothole while driving, plane turbulence, train tracks. Think of the days before modern conveniences- covered wagons? The human race wouldn't have survived if our bodies couldn't handle some jostling while pregnant. Geez. 

I'm just thinking that god forbid something is wrong with their baby neurologically for any reason at all (unrelated to the boat ride) once she arrives, they are going to say it was DH's fault!

Are those the types of friends you want though?

ThisShamanluvsaMage

God, I can already imagine the drive-by post on the bump.  Pg lady freaking out.  The regs telling her to chill and call her doctor, because the regs aren't medical peeps.  Pg lady calling them all meanies for not looking into her ute with their magic goggles.  Fun times.

madamerwin

Hopefully she goes to the doctor soon and gets reassurance. Like PPs said, unless she took a blow to the abdomen, the boat ride did not hurt the baby. It's safe to run while pregnant, according to my doctor; that could be, like, 45 min to an hour of jostling, and that's perfectly safe for most women.

kaos16 said:

I'm just thinking that god forbid something is wrong with their baby neurologically for any reason at all (unrelated to the boat ride) once she arrives, they are going to say it was DH's fault!

Ugh, decent, rational people shouldn't do this. If something is wrong with their baby, hopefully their OB will, again, reassure them that a boat ride didn't cause the damage. But if they do still blame you, they are not really good friends anyway.

MairePoppy

I feel sorry for the anxious parents. If they're truly worried, they'll call their OB and go in for a check-up. The care of this pregnancy is the responsibility of the parents, always.

Your H exercised caution and offered to drive them by car when the trip became bumpy. What else could he do? I'd leave them alone for a week and then call to see how everyone is doing. After that, the next move should be theirs.

kaos16

madamerwin said:

Hopefully she goes to the doctor soon and gets reassurance. Like PPs said, unless she took a blow to the abdomen, the boat ride did not hurt the baby. It's safe to run while pregnant, according to my doctor; that could be, like, 45 min to an hour of jostling, and that's perfectly safe for most women.

kaos16 said:

I'm just thinking that god forbid something is wrong with their baby neurologically for any reason at all (unrelated to the boat ride) once she arrives, they are going to say it was DH's fault!

Ugh, decent, rational people shouldn't do this. If something is wrong with their baby, hopefully their OB will, again, reassure them that a boat ride didn't cause the damage. But if they do still blame you, they are not really good friends anyway.

good point. I ran 2-3 days a week through my pregnancy until 5 weeks before he was born, and even then I only stopped because my DH was getting nervous about the possibility of a fall, my doctor wasn't concerned at all, because I had been a runner before getting pregnant.

madamerwin

kaos16 said:

madamerwin said:

Hopefully she goes to the doctor soon and gets reassurance. Like PPs said, unless she took a blow to the abdomen, the boat ride did not hurt the baby. It's safe to run while pregnant, according to my doctor; that could be, like, 45 min to an hour of jostling, and that's perfectly safe for most women.

kaos16 said:

I'm just thinking that god forbid something is wrong with their baby neurologically for any reason at all (unrelated to the boat ride) once she arrives, they are going to say it was DH's fault!

Ugh, decent, rational people shouldn't do this. If something is wrong with their baby, hopefully their OB will, again, reassure them that a boat ride didn't cause the damage. But if they do still blame you, they are not really good friends anyway.

good point. I ran 2-3 days a week through my pregnancy until 5 weeks before he was born, and even then I only stopped because my DH was getting nervous about the possibility of a fall, my doctor wasn't concerned at all, because I had been a runner before getting pregnant.

Yeah, this is probably the one thing that would keep me from running while pregnant - I have never fallen while running, but I have definitely stumbled before!

teddygirl9

I actually had a similar experience this weekend. We went boating with my cousins baby mama, and she is ~8m now. We went suuper slow when she was in the boat. I don't think it was the baby they were worried about, but more so her! It's hard on your back, and bouncing around is not comfortable when you're a bit unbalanced.

I'd doubt there is anything wrong with her baby, but I could see that SHE might be crazy sore. Hopefully after they talk to a Dr and realize nothing is wrong they'll come back to you.

kvruns

Sounds like she and her H are being overly anxious, which I get. The first time I felt some cramping/pressure I freaked out a little but it was just a result of going for a run and the muscles stretching more so I get the anxiety. Hopefully she talks to her Dr's office and realizes that she is just having normal cramps or BH. .

badbnagdway

kaos16 said:

ThisShamanluvsaMage said:

It would have to have been one hell of a boat ride to cause issues with her baby. A fetus basically lives in a giant, protective water balloon and is jiggled, bumped, and bounced around daily.  Unless the choppy ride caused her to slam her belly against something, her baby is most likely fine.  Cramping is more likely to come from dehydration.  Just leave them alone for now.

-- mother of five, but not a doctor.

She was sitting in the back with my 5 month old where the bumps are less jarring. . . . she certainly didn't slam into anything (thank goodness!!)

If the five month old is fine I don't see how the bouncing could hurt a baby in utero.  It's unfortunate that the expectant parents are so anxious about it, but I just don't see how it really could damage a baby to bounce around on a boat. 

DrillSergeantCat

The baby was not harmed. It would take a whole lot more than some bouncing to harm it. I'm sorry your friend is being a tool. I just had a baby 4.5 months ago and the last trimester was hell! I'm sure I'd have been cramping too, but that's not your fault. 

banana468

She is probably an over anxious first time mom.   Give her some time.  

ei34

Ditto @JaxInBlue they're probably second-guessing themselves and would rather shift the blame to other people.  If they're terribly concerned they'll make a special trip to the OB, but the baby should be totally fine. Barring a blow to the abdomen, babies are pretty safe in there.  Sorry that your nice holiday weekend and generosity ended in feeling guilty OP!

ellamber

My trainer rode horses (like for real, not walking around on a trail ride) until she was 32 weeks. Her baby is totally healthy and normal.

justsie

amberdaisy1005 said:

My trainer rode horses (like for real, not walking around on a trail ride) until she was 32 weeks. Her baby is totally healthy and normal.

My mom rode horses until the week before I was born. She also didn't know she was pregnant for the first 5 months. I sometimes think I came out alright. 

[Deleted User]

There have been mothers who were severely beaten who have delivered healthy babies. I'm sure your friend is over reacting and will be fine once she has been given time to cool down. I'm not sure if she missed the memo but cramps are part of pregnancy. 

banana468

Cramps are a major sign of dehydration.     My doula even said that when I was pregnant with DS (my summer baby) to make sure I stayed hydrated or I could think I was going into labor with contractions.