Guest list confusion

wingsgal

We are having a small wedding (65 people) of immediate family and really close friends.  My cousin and his wife are on the list but do I need to invite their 2 sons, ages 18 and 20?

OurWildKingdom

Do the sons live with them? If they do, then yes, and they each get their own invitation. If not . . . I'll leave that up to other Knotties to answer.

glasgowtolondon

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

OurWildKingdom

glasgowtolondon said:

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

@glasgowtolondon is correct -- whatever you choose, be consistent. Either invite all your cousins' children or none.

SaintPaulGal

OurWildKingdom said:

glasgowtolondon said:

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

@glasgowtolondon is correct -- whatever you choose, be consistent. Either invite all your cousins' children or none.

I actually disagree here.  It's a good general framework to go from, particularly if your cousins are all close to each other and you are equally close to all of their adult children.  But if you have much stronger relationships with some than others, I don't think there is anything wrong with only inviting the ones you feel close to.

madamerwin

OurWildKingdom said:

Do the sons live with them? If they do, then yes, and they each get their own invitation. If not . . . I'll leave that up to other Knotties to answer.

Even if the sons live with them, they do not need to invite them. It's perfectly okay not to invite someone's children, no matter their ages. Though like PPs said, it's best to invite in circles to avoid hurt feelings. If you do not invite these cousin's kids, it would be best not to invite any cousin's kids, assuming your cousins are close and would notice/care.

OurWildKingdom

glasgowtolondon said:

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

I just realized that I'm breaking this rule. My Dad is from a huge family, and I've lost count of how many cousins I have. All my first cousins and their children are invited, and I have three of my Dad's first cousins (my first cousins once removed) on the guest list. If I invite all the cousins, our guest list could end up being 300-350 people. 

madamerwin

OurWildKingdom said:

glasgowtolondon said:

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

I just realized that I'm breaking this rule. My Dad is from a huge family, and I've lost count of how many cousins I have. All my first cousins and their children are invited, and I have three of my Dad's first cousins (my first cousins once removed) on the guest list. If I invite all the cousins, our guest list could end up being 300-350 people. 

Not a hard and fast rule... You don't HAVE to invite in circles, but for some families it's best to do so to avoid hurt feelings. 

Pretty sure I invited some of my cousins with their kids and some without, based on whether I knew the kids/was in regular contact with the cousins. 

glasgowtolondon

OurWildKingdom said:

glasgowtolondon said:

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

I just realized that I'm breaking this rule. My Dad is from a huge family, and I've lost count of how many cousins I have. All my first cousins and their children are invited, and I have three of my Dad's first cousins (my first cousins once removed) on the guest list. If I invite all the cousins, our guest list could end up being 300-350 people. 

I wouldn't stress about it OWK, it's definitely not a rule. It's a good starting place if you are trying to narrow down a guestlist but it's not a rule.

AddieCake

It doesn't sound like you're close with them, since you don't seem interested in inviting them. I wouldn't. 

SP29

You are never required to invite anyone's children- and these children are adults, so they would get their own invitations anyway. The rule about not splitting up families means don't invite one child but not the other (i.e. you are OK with inviting the 15 year old but don't want the 10 year old).

Inviting in circles is a recommendation as a way to navigate the drama filled waters of family. It's a safe way to make sure you aren't hurting feelings, but it is not an etiquette rule. It is fine to invite some cousins, or some children (again, not splitting in the same family), but not others.

aurianna

SaintPaulGal said:

OurWildKingdom said:

glasgowtolondon said:

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

@glasgowtolondon is correct -- whatever you choose, be consistent. Either invite all your cousins' children or none.

I actually disagree here.  It's a good general framework to go from, particularly if your cousins are all close to each other and you are equally close to all of their adult children.  But if you have much stronger relationships with some than others, I don't think there is anything wrong with only inviting the ones you feel close to.

In addition, some cousins might have young kids and maybe you want to invite the young kids so that it's easier for their parents, your cousins, to attend. But an 18 and 20 year old can stay at home alone. So if you're not close to them, and it doesn't help their parents out, I'd say you wouldn't need to invite them even if you did invite other cousins' minor children.

ILoveBeachMusic

OurWildKingdom said:

glasgowtolondon said:

No, you don't. Generally it's a bit easier to invite in circles to avoid excess hurt feelings - eg inviting your cousins, but none of their children.

I just realized that I'm breaking this rule. My Dad is from a huge family, and I've lost count of how many cousins I have. All my first cousins and their children are invited, and I have three of my Dad's first cousins (my first cousins once removed) on the guest list. If I invite all the cousins, our guest list could end up being 300-350 people. 

I am one of 47 first cousins. I am extremely close to three of them (more like siblings). They were the only ones invited to my wedding 33 years ago. They and their adult children were invited to DD's wedding. I think it definitely depends on your relationships with your cousins.

wingsgal

Thank you all for your opinions!!  I see my cousins 2-3 times a year. One cousin has no kids, one has 2 young ones (7&5) and the third has the 18&20 year old. I don't want to offend anyone but I'm not that close to the kids and needed feedback on what I should do!!

PaperTigersx

wingsgal said:

Thank you all for your opinions!!  I see my cousins 2-3 times a year. One cousin has no kids, one has 2 young ones (7&5) and the third has the 18&20 year old. I don't want to offend anyone but I'm not that close to the kids and needed feedback on what I should do!!

I don't know about etiquette in this but I can share a bit of my current dilemma:


We invited aunts and uncles and not cousins (who are around the same age as the children you are taking about). I'm stressing hard about this lately and wish I had just included everyone on the list from the start. Now I'm stuck with a wedding 3 months away, kicking myself for not inviting everyone in the first place. 

If inviting all cousins children doesn't put you over your budget it could prevent any future drama or even confusion from the family on who is invited. If you're still in the early planning stages, adding them now can give you time to readjust your budget. 

Just my two cents. 

ILoveBeachMusic

wingsgal said:

Thank you all for your opinions!!  I see my cousins 2-3 times a year. One cousin has no kids, one has 2 young ones (7&5) and the third has the 18&20 year old. I don't want to offend anyone but I'm not that close to the kids and needed feedback on what I should do!!

It is your decision, but if the minor children aren't invited the parents may decline especially if it is an OOT wedding for them. Personally if I were you and could afford it I would invite the four kids - it isn't like you would be adding 20 people to your list. If you can't afford it, don't do it.