Going back to work and school, slightly freaking out

spockforprez

Ready or not... yikes. I'm a little terrified. I just accepted an offer last week for a part-time CSR job at an insurance agency, and yesterday signed up for a full-time course load (although just 12 credits) and bought textbooks. Once everything is in swing, after training and all that, I will be working 9-5:30 Monday and Friday and 9-1 on Saturday, and going to school 8am-2pm Tuesday & Thursday, and 7-9:50pm on Wednesdays. H is also going back to school Monday-Thursday nights, and we will be trying to get him cleared for return to work soon, although it will probably be into the fall before that happens due to some upcoming tests and surgeries. 

I feel like even though it's been almost 5 months since his accident, everything is happening very quickly now. I was very ready to return to work and I was at peace with it, but since signing up for school I'm now wigging out. This is the plan we put in place after I quit my job in December - the new job is even at the same pay rate as the job offer I accepted back in February, so other than not taking a summer class like I wanted, I'm right on track with our original plans from before H got hurt. Which is great! But also scary, because it feels like we had this big huge hurricane hit us and it seems weird and bizarre that life is carrying on, even though I want it to. Does that make sense? I feel like I am not expressing myself well, lol. 

We recently got pretty negative news about H's arm prognosis and although we will not give up and are getting a 2nd opinion from Johns Hopkins soon, I'm having trouble imagining him being independent to the level that I was previously imagining him. Which I try to remind myself is ridiculous. There are triple amputees and quad amputees who do all kinds of things, and certainly they work and go to school! So having only one leg and one arm doesn't mean I will have to drive him everywhere or plan everything forever. I guess it's just going to be one of those trial-by-fire things where he has to try it and do it and adapt and it's his life and he will find a way. I try to think of and plan for every little thing, like, oh, you can't wear your backpack normally because your left shoulder is unstable due to no nerve function there. So you'll have to get a messenger bag. But your calculus textbook is too heavy and will throw you off balance, so maybe you can photocopy each chapter and just take that. And in case you're still in your chair when you go to school, you can do this with your bag, and if X then Y, and if A then B, and... ugh, it's a nightmare. I am the worst overthinker and over analyzer there ever was! 

I'm not out on a ledge or anything, but I think I'm just looking out at the horizon and getting vertigo. So if anyone could help talk me down from the vertigo, if you don't mind me murdering that metaphor, I would appreciate it!

ernursej

I think that is exciting that you've got lots of plans on the horizon. I think it is natural to being feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything happening at once.

Not great news, but I think the best advice is to take everything in the moment and try hard not to focus on the multiple possibilities and road to get to all the possibilities. I'm a worrier and love to spend time just thinking about all the roads that I could take and all the stuff that might or might not happen on each of those paths. I find that it stresses me out and is probably the most wasteful thing I do. Try hard to look no further than 3 months out ... less if you can. Also, don't be afraid to be upset that things aren't happening as well or in the time frame that you were hoping for. Hope comes from a place of coping but so much hope can sometimes be too much.

Internet hugs.

SP29

I can understand how you must feel. It's exciting, but it's A LOT! It's change, it's scary. But that's OK- as long as these are the things you and H WANT to be doing.

As for H- I would discuss your and H's concerns with his occupational therapist. You are right, some things will need extra thought. Some things will require a small adjustment, others will require a different way. The OT should have some good ideas for you and probably has dealt with similar situations before so can make recommendations on what works best for *most* people (versus you trying to think this all up yourself). As for the wheelchair- even if H is walking as his main mode of mobility, he may still find the wheelchair useful in some situations such as school- speed, endurance, a way to carry stuff- and that's OK! Don't look at it as a failure by any means, look at it as H saying, "I want to do X, what is the best way to do that so that I can enjoy X fully".

Hugs! and good luck!

glasgowtolondon

It's totally normal to feel freaked out by all this change! Even without the added pressures that your H's current limitations bring with it I think most people would have, at the very least, a severe case of the butterflies. Theres nothing else for it but to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I think it's incredibly exciting that you guys have so many positive things to look forward to. It sucks that maybe the outlook isn't as good as you had hoped for H, but at this point it's just a prediction and they may be right or wrong or somewhere inbetween. I think you need to cut yourself some serious slack. No one needs to get everything right first time, trial and error to find a pace that H is comfortable with when he starts back school and work will be necessary. Thats okay! Also, you've got to bear in mind that 5 short months ago something life changing happened to you guys. You didn't sit in a darkened room wringing your hands, you guys picked yourselves up and refused to let it affect your future. 5 months later and you guys are married and ready to go to school and start new jobs (well, come september for H). I think you need to give yourself a bit of credit!

Not to be glib about your difficulties, but girls at my old job used to be fond of this saying when the shit would hit the fan: If Britney can get through 2007, you can get through this.  

Edit: half my posts keep disappearing!

charlotte989875

You totally have this! I think it's amazing what you two have accomplished in only five months. 

When you H does go back to school have him work with his office of disability services (resources, they have lots of names..). They can work with him to determine what type of accommodations he might need I.e. online books or audio books if standard books are too heavy, early registration so he can get the first pick of classes so he can make sure he gets across campus in time in between classes. He doesn't always have to use the accommodations but they are there (and legally required of faculty to do) to ensure he has the same acces every other student has. I get all kinds of accommodations  that I'm happy to do and I learn a lot about what I can do to make my classes and material more accessible to all my students. 

There are resources available on campus, but sometimes they are hard to navigate. If there's ever anything I can do to help I'd be happy to. This is a great thing you both are doing, keep on!

JaxInBlue

charlotte989875 said:

You totally have this! I think it's amazing what you two have accomplished in only five months. 

When you H does go back to school have him work with his office of disability services (resources, they have lots of names..). They can work with him to determine what type of accommodations he might need I.e. online books or audio books if standard books are too heavy, early registration so he can get the first pick of classes so he can make sure he gets across campus in time in between classes. He doesn't always have to use the accommodations but they are there (and legally required of faculty to do) to ensure he has the same acces every other student has. I get all kinds of accommodations  that I'm happy to do and I learn a lot about what I can do to make my classes and material more accessible to all my students. 

There are resources available on campus, but sometimes they are hard to navigate. If there's ever anything I can do to help I'd be happy to. This is a great thing you both are doing, keep on!

This.  Your school is required to make reasonable accommodations for H's disability.  On our campus, that ranges from everything to larger font text books to van services to help students travel across campus.  It may be that he's entitled to services that could include help traveling, digitalization of or e-copies of books, a note taker, voice activated software, etc.

If you haven't already, I'd set up an appointment with the Student Disability Services offices now, before either of you return to class, to get the process of documenting his needs started.

drunkenwitch

If you weren't freaking out right now you would not be human. These feelings are normal. But take a step back and look at how you've handled the last 5 months, other people would have given up and crumbled YOU DIDN'T. You know you have the strength to face anything. 

You got this girl.

OurWildKingdom

drunkenwitch said:

If you weren't freaking out right now you would not be human. These feelings are normal. But take a step back and look at how you've handled the last 5 months, other people would have given up and crumbled YOU DIDN'T. You know you have the strength to face anything. 

You got this girl.

What @drunkenwitch said. You've totally got this.

short+sassy

I'm with the other PPs that it is a wonderful sign you all are now able to back up with your lives as well as you all are.  Going to school and working part-time is a challenge and a bit nerve wracking for anyone!  It's totally normal to feel that way and perhaps a bit overwhelmed at the thought.

But, taking it one day/one week at a time, will help you all manage.  It's like the old saying, "How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time."

I was diagnosed with a major disability when I was in college (though not mobility related) and was given priority registration from that point on.  So I know that is something colleges will do for your H.  There are also a lot of scholarships available to people with disabilities.  Some of them specific conditions, some of them more general.  You all should look into that also, if you haven't already.

Congrats on the new job!  Good luck and hang in there.

spockforprez

Thanks for all the messages, you guys. I am still feeling pretty down and overwhelmed, I'm not 100% sure why. I think I am just worried about everything going smoothly and having enough time to get to all the appointments, etc. Sorry for the ungracious response to such lovely encouraging replies! Hopefully I'll be back in good spirits soon! 

tigerlily6

Hey @spockforprez! Hang in there! As others have said, you (and your DH) got this!

Going back into the "status quo" after a huge, traumatic life event is scary, and in my experience, it is in some ways the hardest part because you have time and space to dwell on everything. 10 years ago when my dad had a really aggressive cancer and wasn't supposed to make it, but somehow did, I started college a few days after he was released home. I had held it together (at least, more or less) through his actually being incredibly ill and nearly dying a few times in the hospital. But once things were supposedly "back to normal" (but weren't really -- he too has some permanent physical disabilities now after his treatment and surgeries), that's when I felt like I had the breathing space to really let the weight of everything hit me and I had a bit of a breakdown. I still stayed in school, and in fact did really well academically that first year, but it was ROUGH. However, it was also a necessary stage, and good to have to process through everything and transition into the "everything is okay" place where I finally ended up. 

All this is to say, I know everybody goes through difficult times somewhat differently, but I do feel for where you are at, and just want to encourage you to keep on keeping on, and not be afraid of feeling overwhelmed a bit. It's natural, and as @drunkenwitch said, you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel that way. Make sure both you and DH have friends, family, and counselors on standby for when you need them, and don't be afraid to lean on them still during the rough times. That includes us here.