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Puzzling question about thanks

Jen4948Jen4948 member
First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
in Chit Chat
I'm wondering about situations like the following:

Last Friday night my dad chose to take our family out to dinner because he'd received a coupon from a friend of his at an expensive restaurant.

Then he and my mom told me and my brother "Thank my friend for this dinner."

Thing is, the request made me feel awkward. I have never met or had contact with this friend. He's a Facebook friend of my dad, but not me or my brother. He sent the coupon to my dad, and it was up to my dad what he did with it. My dad didn't have to take my mom, me, or my brother out to dinner.  I feel like while I owed my dad thanks for the dinner, and *did* thank both my dad and his friend, I didn't "owe" his friend thanks for the dinner the way my dad thinks I did.

Would you have sent thanks on command to a total stranger in the same circumstances?
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Re: Puzzling question about thanks

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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    I wouldn't have understood that to be a literal instruction to thank the friend at all, and I wouldn't do it unless I happened to be talking to friend. 
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    SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
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    lyndausvi said:
    Did he really mean thank him?   Because, at least in my social group, we will make a statement like that in a similar situation, but we don't actually mean search out someone to give them a formal thank you.  More like, CHEERS, thank so-n-so for this [insert whatever].       
    Same here.  I would interpret this as a general "yay for my friend" sort of statement, not an actual directive to seek out this person and offer your thanks.  
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Ditto the others.   I don't think you owe this person a thank you.   You owe your dad the TY and HE owes his friend the TY for dinner.   


    If a person gave you money and you gave that to charity, the charity thanks you.   But you can say thank you to the person who gave the money.   
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    Yeah, I don't think he meant to actually contact the guy and thank him. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    Did he really mean thank him?   Because, at least in my social group, we will make a statement like that in a similar situation, but we don't actually mean search out someone to give them a formal thank you.  More like, CHEERS, thank so-n-so for this [insert whatever].       
    Yes, he really meant it. He gave pretty specific instructions to contact this guy and send him thanks.
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    So he said, here's the guys contact info, please contact him?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
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    SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
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    Jen4948 said:
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
    So do that?

    Seems like a strange request from your dad, but if it's important to him...
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
    So do that?

    Seems like a strange request from your dad, but if it's important to him...
    I did. But it was weird.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2016
    ShesSoCold said:
    STARMOON44 said:
    I wouldn't have understood that to be a literal instruction to thank the friend at all, and I wouldn't do it unless I happened to be talking to friend. 


    This. It sounds like you're talking a small comment way too literally.


    Shocking.

    No, my dad was very specific about wanting me and my brother to send a thank-you note to his friend.
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    SaintPaulGalSaintPaulGal member
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    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
    So do that?

    Seems like a strange request from your dad, but if it's important to him...
    I did. But it was weird.
    Yeah, that is super weird.  I guess more kindness and consideration in the world could never be a bad thing, but it's still a very strange request.  Should you also thank his boss for employing him so he had the money to pick up any overage in the bill?  His dry cleaner for giving him a loyalty discount which lead him to have an extra $10 in his pocket that he chipped in for dinner?  The sellers of his current home for coming down in price a bit?  Where does it stop?  He is the one responsible for sharing his own good fortune, so he is the one who deserves the thanks from you.  His friends are his own to thank.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
    So do that?

    Seems like a strange request from your dad, but if it's important to him...
    I did. But it was weird.
    Yeah, that is super weird.  I guess more kindness and consideration in the world could never be a bad thing, but it's still a very strange request.  Should you also thank his boss for employing him so he had the money to pick up any overage in the bill?  His dry cleaner for giving him a loyalty discount which lead him to have an extra $10 in his pocket that he chipped in for dinner?  The sellers of his current home for coming down in price a bit?  Where does it stop?  He is the one responsible for sharing his own good fortune, so he is the one who deserves the thanks from you.  His friends are his own to thank.
    That's how I see it. But both my parents brought it up. Two direct requests to thank a total stranger for a gift that's really a pass-along just came off as really weird and awkward.
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
    So do that?

    Seems like a strange request from your dad, but if it's important to him...
    I did. But it was weird.
    Yeah, that is super weird.  I guess more kindness and consideration in the world could never be a bad thing, but it's still a very strange request.  Should you also thank his boss for employing him so he had the money to pick up any overage in the bill?  His dry cleaner for giving him a loyalty discount which lead him to have an extra $10 in his pocket that he chipped in for dinner?  The sellers of his current home for coming down in price a bit?  Where does it stop?  He is the one responsible for sharing his own good fortune, so he is the one who deserves the thanks from you.  His friends are his own to thank.
    That's how I see it. But both my parents brought it up. Two direct requests to thank a total stranger for a gift that's really a pass-along just came off as really weird and awkward.
    Are your parents the type to agree with each other to present a united front? 

    Is this in keeping with a request you'd expect based on their personality types??  As it is I'd roll my eyes as a grown woman being asked by my dad to thank his friend for the gift certificate that allowed him to take me out to dinner.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited July 2016
    banana468 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
    So do that?

    Seems like a strange request from your dad, but if it's important to him...
    I did. But it was weird.
    Yeah, that is super weird.  I guess more kindness and consideration in the world could never be a bad thing, but it's still a very strange request.  Should you also thank his boss for employing him so he had the money to pick up any overage in the bill?  His dry cleaner for giving him a loyalty discount which lead him to have an extra $10 in his pocket that he chipped in for dinner?  The sellers of his current home for coming down in price a bit?  Where does it stop?  He is the one responsible for sharing his own good fortune, so he is the one who deserves the thanks from you.  His friends are his own to thank.
    That's how I see it. But both my parents brought it up. Two direct requests to thank a total stranger for a gift that's really a pass-along just came off as really weird and awkward.
    Are your parents the type to agree with each other to present a united front? 

    Is this in keeping with a request you'd expect based on their personality types??  As it is I'd roll my eyes as a grown woman being asked by my dad to thank his friend for the gift certificate that allowed him to take me out to dinner.
    Yes, because they can be very overbearing, and yes, I'm rolling my eyes about it. And yes, they often agree with each other to present a united front.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2016

    banana468 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    banana468 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    SaintPaulGal said:
    Jen4948 said:
    Kind of. He pointed out that he's friends with the guy on Facebook and told us to send him a message.
    So do that?

    Seems like a strange request from your dad, but if it's important to him...
    I did. But it was weird.
    Yeah, that is super weird.  I guess more kindness and consideration in the world could never be a bad thing, but it's still a very strange request.  Should you also thank his boss for employing him so he had the money to pick up any overage in the bill?  His dry cleaner for giving him a loyalty discount which lead him to have an extra $10 in his pocket that he chipped in for dinner?  The sellers of his current home for coming down in price a bit?  Where does it stop?  He is the one responsible for sharing his own good fortune, so he is the one who deserves the thanks from you.  His friends are his own to thank.
    That's how I see it. But both my parents brought it up. Two direct requests to thank a total stranger for a gift that's really a pass-along just came off as really weird and awkward.
    Are your parents the type to agree with each other to present a united front? 

    Is this in keeping with a request you'd expect based on their personality types??  As it is I'd roll my eyes as a grown woman being asked by my dad to thank his friend for the gift certificate that allowed him to take me out to dinner.
    Yes, because they can be very overbearing, and yes, I'm rolling my eyes about it. And yes, they often agree with each other to present a united front.
    You live with them right?

    If I did I'd do it because it's not a battle worth fighting.    As a person in my own house, I'd laugh at Dear Old Dad.   


    I live on my own. But yes, they make big fusses over small things and pick hills to die on that they don't need to.
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    ernursejernursej member
    First Answer First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its

    My parents received a dinner out from his boss and they asked me to join in. I did send him a little note of thanks, but it was part of a Christmas note that I was already sending. Seems like a bit weird in your situation but I find that the more thanks that gets thrown around the better.

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    SP29SP29 member
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    In the camp of "yeah, that's weird". Your choice whether to go along with it or not.
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    Why did you do it? "Sure, Dad." and then you don't?
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    To get him and my mother off my back.
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    jacques27jacques27 member
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    edited July 2016
    I don't know that I find the request in general all that weird.  People like hearing their gifts were appreciated and when it comes to restaurants and experiences, a gift certificate there is like a tacit recommendation or endorsement of the place and people like getting the feedback that the gift receiver loved it as much as the gift giver - especially when it is an expensive place and not a gift card to Applebee's.  I wouldn't be all "Dear Mr. Daddy's friend, Thank you for giving him a gift card so he could take me out to eat."  But probably a casual acknowledgement like "My dad told me you were the one who gave him the certificate for fancypants restaurant he took us to last week. Just wanted you to know I appreciated the opportunity to go there and the creme brulee was to die for!"

    That said, i think this specific request is odd because OP has no pre-existing relationship with the person. But otherwise I could see my mom doing this, especially if the person may have said "treat the whole family" when giving the gift. Though my mom would probably be more like "next time you happen to talk to or write or see second cousin Jane or my coworker Jack you met at my company Christmas party or old family friend Bob who only comes to town every other year, make sure to mention how much you loved fancypants resaurant."

    ETA: realized it was a coupon, and not a certificate, but i think my general point still stands. People like feedback that their actions are appreciated. Maybe dad knows this particular gentleman is the type who needs that kind of feedback more than most?
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    CharmedPamCharmedPam member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    jacques27 said:
    But probably a casual acknowledgement like "My dad told me you were the one who gave him the certificate for fancypants restaurant he took us to last week. Just wanted you to know I appreciated the opportunity to go there and the creme brulee was to die for!"

    I just wanted to say this was a great way to address the situation/write thanks

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited July 2016
    CharmedPam said:
    jacques27 said:
    But probably a casual acknowledgement like "My dad told me you were the one who gave him the certificate for fancypants restaurant he took us to last week. Just wanted you to know I appreciated the opportunity to go there and the creme brulee was to die for!"

    I just wanted to say this was a great way to address the situation/write thanks
    This is pretty much what I did.
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