This poor kid.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence, 
My 17-year-old cousin recently came out to his parents after they walked in on him with his boyfriend. They had a long conversation and he asked them to keep his orientation secret for now. Unfortunately, my uncle couldn’t do this, and now almost the entire family knows. I haven’t told anyone, but I have talked with several family members about how sexuality is very personal and we should respect his privacy by letting him inform people in his own time. We have a big family event coming up soon. The majority of our family is not subtle or tactful and we have a lot of very conservative older relatives. If it were me, I would want to know that everyone knew before walking into the event so I could choose whether or not to attend. Should I tell my cousin that one of his parents let it slip? Or just let it go and hope for the best?

—Revealing a Not-So-Secret

banana468

Oh FFS, shoot the cousin a quick text ("Hey, I just want to let you know that I love and support you in any way.   Please be aware that word travels fast in this family and some of our older relatives don't know when to STFU.   If you need me to help you find a quiet corner at the picnic just glance my way.") 

bleve0821

I would not want to be blindsided at a big family event with this. Coming out, especially to family, should be a choice made only when the individual is ready.  The cousin clearly wasn't ready to come out, or he would have said something to the family before his parents walked in on him.  I find it tactless, tasteless, and so cruel that the kid's dad spilled the beans.  It wasn't his news to tell.

Say something, so the kid has some warning of what he may be about to walk into.  Give him the information he needs to decide if he's ready to handle this.

charlotte989875

Uncle sucks and never should have done that. 

Also, Banana's wording is perfect. 

banana468

charlotte989875 said:

Uncle sucks and never should have done that. 

Also, Banana's wording is perfect. 

It so happens that my brother came out to my dad last night.   I've known for over a decade but he finally decided to rip off that band-aid.

He knows I love him and support him and at the same time when he's said, "Do you think this relative knows?" I answer truthfully so he's aware.   Our parents live within walking distance of relatives on Dad's side.   I called one cousin to say, "Hey, if you see my dad at your kitchen table drinking a beer tonight, this is what's going on."   Her response was, "We just want him to be happy."  :-)

MissKittyDanger

@banana468  Hope everything went well for your brother! And your wording is perfect!

Poor kid is right though No one wants their secrets outed to family - regardless of the secret.