Wedding Invitations & Paper

Yet another question!

kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
I just got off the phone with FMIL and have two invitation blunders. 

1.  FIs cousin has a girlfriend and they live on opposite coasts. The cousins mom said to make sure I knew that the outer envelope should be addressed to cousin and the inside envelope to cousin and girlfriend. I thought they both went on the outer?  

2.  FMIL is having my shower invitations made and wants the guest list so the creater can address the envelopes. Well, another cousin/GM is getting divorced and it's still a secret to everyone but us and his immediate family.  Cousin actually just got his own place and we know his wife is not coming with him. I can't leave her off of the shower list because it will raise a flag to FMIL but I also know receiving an invitation will be hurtful to her (she doesn't want the divorce. We have time before the invitations go out but she's asking for the list now. What do I do?
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Re: Yet another question!

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    1. They both go on the outer if there's no inner.

    2. So you're considering not inviting her at all because she's getting divorced? Dislike.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    AddieCake said:
    1. They both go on the outer if there's no inner.

    2. So you're considering not inviting her at all because she's getting divorced? Dislike.
    1.  There is an inner envelope.  So what Aunt proposed is correct?

    2.  She's FI's cousins soon to be ex-wife. They live in another state so while we both really like each other, we never had time to become close, despite our SO's relationship. The divorce will be final before the wedding and cousin has said that she won't be attending the wedding with him.  So we think it'd be inappropriate to extend a singular invite to a groomsman/ family members ex spouse. 

    I have actually been debating reaching out to her via FB messenger, not about the wedding of course, but just to say hi and reach out but was waiting for FI to return home to discuss it with him first. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    If she lives out of state and you're not that close, I wouldn't invite her to the shower. Send them separate wedding invitations, of course. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1) If they live separately, technically they should get their own invites. However, we didn't know the addresses of all the SOs for DD's wedding so just included the names on the inner envelope and sent the invitation to the address of the friend with only friend's name on the outer envelope.
    2) Don't send a shower invite and explain you are just including your nearest and dearest on the shower list. If your FI would want her there even without his cousin, I would go ahead and send a separate invite. It depends on FI's relationship with her.
    OurWildKingdom
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    1) What Aunt proposed is correct. If you don't have an inner envelope, you can put both names on the outside, but traditionally personal correspondence had an outer + inner envelope.

    The outer envelope is technically for the post man- it's purpose is to state where and whom is to receive the mail (way back when, your butler would have received the invitation and removed the outer envelope). Cousin is the one who lives at the address the invitation is being sent to.

    The inner envelope states who the guests are. Thus, Cousin + GF (you would list their names on separate lines).

    2) Showers are generally more intimate, so I would not think it weird to not include cousin's wife/ex-wife on the guest list. If FI or FMIL is very close to her and want her there, I would still send her an invitation even with the divorce- leave the decision up to her if she wants to attend or not. Some families still maintain close relationships with exes. If she was close enough to be invited while married, I would presume her close enough to be invited once divorced.

  • LtPowersLtPowers Upstate New York member
    Knottie Warrior 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    AddieCake said:
    1. They both go on the outer if there's no inner.
    Not if they live apart. It's rude to send mail to someone at an address that is not theirs. If they live apart they should get separate invitations.
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    LtPowers said:
    AddieCake said:
    1. They both go on the outer if there's no inner.
    Not if they live apart. It's rude to send mail to someone at an address that is not theirs. If they live apart they should get separate invitations.
    True, but not always done. I think it is NBD, especially if the SO isn't known to the B&G. The SO might not know who the B&G are and wondering about it.

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