Moms and Maids

Unreasonable MOB?

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Re: Unreasonable MOB?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    No, I don't want a "Disney fairytale wedding" at all. Aside from the fact that it isn't to my taste, I can actually do with a very simple wedding. All that matters to me is that I marry my FI and that the guests I do invite are properly hosted and have a good time. Everything else is just details.
    Greenjinjo
  • Hm...Snow White woke up to find a strange man kissing her.  She jumped on his white horse and rode off with him.  She didn't even know his name!  I liked the Wicked Queen better.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    DrillSergeantCatPaperTigersx
  • jacques27jacques27
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    member
    edited July 2016
    Thanks all.  I'm thinking as a lot of money has been invested by her into a dressmakers dummy and she has started "practising" her skills by making more clothes for family and friends, she will probably make the dress, but I have a few ideas for what I could do if she did withhold it.

    She started asking this morning how I intended to get to the venue as she and my Dad wouldn't be helping out, so I just said it was up to her when she arrived, but my Dad would definitely be there.  Which he will, he has a habit of putting his foot down about these things at the last minute, to shorten the period of emotional blackmail.

    As to those being a little harsh about the whole "disney fairytale" vision...come on, don't we ALL want our weddings to be like that?  I'm not much of a princess; I'm most excited about marrying such a wonderful man for the rest of my life, but nevertheless, we're investing money, time, and care into making our wedding day beautiful, and whilst I know no-one can "fix" my mother, you can't blame me for needing a bit of comfort on the subject.
    No. Not at all.
    Ditto.

    Honestly, I can't say I've spent a whole lot of time having visions and fantasies, period.  What little I did have maybe had the fairytale aura in my teens, but that has long since passed.  I've long realized and accepted what the reality of my life is and the reality of my family is and I long ago realized that one party (which is essentially what a wedding reception is) isn't going to change that.  I spend my time focusing on the marriage aspect, not the party.  The only things party related I really care about are making sure everyone is comfortable, well fed, and having fun in whatever setting that may be, which is pretty much all I care about at any event I throw (birthday, holiday, dinner party, etc.).  ETA:  I was never much into the fluff or pomp and circumstance to begin with and the longer I look at it here or on other similar sites, the less I want it. 

    So, really, I don't think people were being harsh, they were giving you a reality check.  Yes, you had a vision, but it's time to accept the reality of your situation.  Have a margarita and a pity party for a night to come to grips with it, readjust your vision, and move forward setting healthy boundaries unless you just want to keep repeating the same cycle over and over.  No one said it didn't suck that your mom is acting this way, but by that same token no one is going to blow smoke and reassure you that your mom is suddenly going to change who she is and give you your fantasy if you just try harder, especially since you yourself said you never had a good relationship.  That's just setting you up for more disappointment.

    ETA:  After reading the comment after mine, I decided to just edit to just say, I don't think OP is whining about not getting to be a Disney princess.  I understand disappointment when the reality of your family doesn't give you the fuzzy Hallmark movie family togetherness moments you hope for.  I just also think it's a fool's game to give into the demands of a manipulative woman hoping it's going to suddenly give you the relationship you never had in the first place.  If you're going to derive your happiness about this event from that, you're in for a disappointing engagement and wedding.  I just think it's time to shift the vision and finding happiness in the planning process in other ways.  I personally would have peaced out on that situation after the demand that I no longer invite my friend (the ex in this case).  If you can't adult and be in a room with that person along with 100 people, it's clear you're not a reasonable person who is going to make this a pleasant experience.
    SP29short+sassy
  • OP - what specifically is she saying about your venue - I think a little braking needs to be put on in that single aspect in regards to your post as you mentioned those famous words here "outdoor and rustic"..  We've had horror stories on top of horror stories of brides putting their bridal vision over guest comfort (one going so far as to have an outdoor wedding on a frozen lake in the middle of January in Michigan and only serving hot chocolate later on with the BM's just wearing wraps during the ceremony - because vision over guests!) - is she complaining about the lack of bathrooms?  Lack of backup in case of rain?  Lack of handicap accessibility?  Lack of running water/caterer staging area?  Lack of heat/electricity/air conditioning?  Basically - anything associated with guest comfort..  If those are her complaints about your venue - they are real issues that need to be taken into account ASAP! 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Gareweddingshort+sassy
  • Huge hugs, OP. Reading your first post with things your mother has said to you made me tear up a little. I know it hurts, and you don't deserve it.

    I'll dissent from the crowd; I think the more recent PPs are a little harsh. It's obvious you're not whining about a horse and carriage, a fluffy dress, and flower arrangements. It's not just a party, it's the day you make a significant public commitment to your FH and a nearly universal rite of passage for adults. You're picturing a day with familial harmony, where you can rely on your closest family to be happy for you and give their blessing by participating in your wedding day. I don't think it's odd or immature that you've pictured those close, special moments with your mom, (congrats to all the posters who literally never, ever, ever, thought about getting married or having a wedding... insert JLaw "OK" gif here...) and I don't think you should be judged for being disappointed that they may not happen, or may possibly happen but only after a long period of emotional turmoil that might not even be worth it! That totally sucks and it's definitely OK to be disappointed by it. 

    It isn't the same, but I've had a really rough relationship with my MIL since I got married. She's said some incredibly nasty things to me and treated me with open contempt. While, yes - I do stand up for myself, I draw boundaries and enforce them, and H and I make sure we are a united front - it doesn't make the broken relationship hurt any less.

    It seems like you're doing a pretty good job of handling things. I agree with the posters who said you should limit wedding talk with your mom - and if that includes turning down the offer of the dress, you may need to do that. Let her know you love her and you'd like her to be a part of your wedding, but that you are an adult and you make decisions about your life with your FH and in order to be a part of your life she is required to respect that - it's not optional. Good luck!
    I usually agree with you @spockforprez, but I feel like you're judging people who didn't dream of a wedding just as much as some PPs were judging the OP for dreaming about a wedding. Can't we all agree that we all have different approaches to the type of wedding we have without putting down the choices or approaches of others?
    InLoveInQueensCMGragainlnixon8
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Huge hugs, OP. Reading your first post with things your mother has said to you made me tear up a little. I know it hurts, and you don't deserve it.

    I'll dissent from the crowd; I think the more recent PPs are a little harsh. It's obvious you're not whining about a horse and carriage, a fluffy dress, and flower arrangements. It's not just a party, it's the day you make a significant public commitment to your FH and a nearly universal rite of passage for adults. You're picturing a day with familial harmony, where you can rely on your closest family to be happy for you and give their blessing by participating in your wedding day. I don't think it's odd or immature that you've pictured those close, special moments with your mom, (congrats to all the posters who literally never, ever, ever, thought about getting married or having a wedding... insert JLaw "OK" gif here...) and I don't think you should be judged for being disappointed that they may not happen, or may possibly happen but only after a long period of emotional turmoil that might not even be worth it! That totally sucks and it's definitely OK to be disappointed by it. 

    It isn't the same, but I've had a really rough relationship with my MIL since I got married. She's said some incredibly nasty things to me and treated me with open contempt. While, yes - I do stand up for myself, I draw boundaries and enforce them, and H and I make sure we are a united front - it doesn't make the broken relationship hurt any less.

    It seems like you're doing a pretty good job of handling things. I agree with the posters who said you should limit wedding talk with your mom - and if that includes turning down the offer of the dress, you may need to do that. Let her know you love her and you'd like her to be a part of your wedding, but that you are an adult and you make decisions about your life with your FH and in order to be a part of your life she is required to respect that - it's not optional. Good luck!
    I usually agree with you @spockforprez, but I feel like you're judging people who didn't dream of a wedding just as much as some PPs were judging the OP for dreaming about a wedding. Can't we all agree that we all have different approaches to the type of wedding we have without putting down the choices or approaches of others?
    What you described is exactly what I'm protesting with that comment. OP said she pictured special moments with her mom on her wedding day and now she's bummed about the way things are going, and in response she got a pile of "Life is not a Disney fairytale, time to grow up, I never dreamed about my wedding so you just need to let it go" comments which in this context are pretty mean. If OP was upset about some unnecessary detail of the wedding, I could understand that, but implying immaturity on her part because she's bummed her mom won't be a part of her wedding day is rude. IMO, of course! 
    Yeah, but you implied they were lying. I didn't have a great relationship with my mom's parents. At no point did I dream of having them there, or wish the relationship were better. So the "sure ok you didn't" comment was judgy. Yes, people are allowed to wish those things were different, but then they also need to get over it. (And no, not everyone wishes their lives/relationships were different for their wedding.) Could that have been stated more kindly? Maybe.

    Anniversary

    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875
  • I'm having a very simple wedding.  It's in a barn, which is part of an open air museum.  It's in summer, so should be warm enough, but we'll have back-up heaters on standby just in case.  We were hoping that the guests could sit outside during the ceremony (UK law prohibits actually getting married outside, but we could get married just inside the doorway!) but if it rains, there is plenty of space inside.

    My first priority was that it would be a fun and comfortable day for the guests.  Personally, I've been to a lot of traditional hotel weddings (and been forced into some uncomfortable bridesmaid outfits!) and found them a little boring.  That's why we've chosen the museum, which has loads of beautiful, historical buildings and educational activities for kids, so everyone can go exploring whilst we have our photographs taken etc. and (hopefully!) no-one will get bored.

    When I say "Disney fairy-tale" I'm definitely not talking about super sparkly princess froth- just celebrating our love for each other in an environment that's not hostile, with people who are happy for us!  

    Unfortunately, wearing heels or very formal clothing will not really be appropriate, as some parts of the museum are a little muddy, which my Mum is upset about.

    The main issue for her is that we've chosen to get married where we live now, rather than where I grew up.  It's not even where I was born, or where my family is originally from.  I have no idea how I'd plan it so far away.

    I sat my Mum down a few days ago, and said that she was hurting us both with her comments. She said that she was hurt by our decision, and I told her that actually, that didn't matter, it was her job to suck it up, smile, and get on with it.  I told her that for one day, she had to put her feelings aside, be the adult, and let someone else come first.  

    I'm not expecting miracles, but she did listen, and it felt good to say it.  
    OliveOilsMomSP29short+sassy
  • spockforprezspockforprez Virginia
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    Huge hugs, OP. Reading your first post with things your mother has said to you made me tear up a little. I know it hurts, and you don't deserve it.

    I'll dissent from the crowd; I think the more recent PPs are a little harsh. It's obvious you're not whining about a horse and carriage, a fluffy dress, and flower arrangements. It's not just a party, it's the day you make a significant public commitment to your FH and a nearly universal rite of passage for adults. You're picturing a day with familial harmony, where you can rely on your closest family to be happy for you and give their blessing by participating in your wedding day. I don't think it's odd or immature that you've pictured those close, special moments with your mom, (congrats to all the posters who literally never, ever, ever, thought about getting married or having a wedding... insert JLaw "OK" gif here...) and I don't think you should be judged for being disappointed that they may not happen, or may possibly happen but only after a long period of emotional turmoil that might not even be worth it! That totally sucks and it's definitely OK to be disappointed by it. 

    It isn't the same, but I've had a really rough relationship with my MIL since I got married. She's said some incredibly nasty things to me and treated me with open contempt. While, yes - I do stand up for myself, I draw boundaries and enforce them, and H and I make sure we are a united front - it doesn't make the broken relationship hurt any less.

    It seems like you're doing a pretty good job of handling things. I agree with the posters who said you should limit wedding talk with your mom - and if that includes turning down the offer of the dress, you may need to do that. Let her know you love her and you'd like her to be a part of your wedding, but that you are an adult and you make decisions about your life with your FH and in order to be a part of your life she is required to respect that - it's not optional. Good luck!
    I usually agree with you @spockforprez, but I feel like you're judging people who didn't dream of a wedding just as much as some PPs were judging the OP for dreaming about a wedding. Can't we all agree that we all have different approaches to the type of wedding we have without putting down the choices or approaches of others?
    What you described is exactly what I'm protesting with that comment. OP said she pictured special moments with her mom on her wedding day and now she's bummed about the way things are going, and in response she got a pile of "Life is not a Disney fairytale, time to grow up, I never dreamed about my wedding so you just need to let it go" comments which in this context are pretty mean. If OP was upset about some unnecessary detail of the wedding, I could understand that, but implying immaturity on her part because she's bummed her mom won't be a part of her wedding day is rude. IMO, of course! 
    Yeah, but you implied they were lying. I didn't have a great relationship with my mom's parents. At no point did I dream of having them there, or wish the relationship were better. So the "sure ok you didn't" comment was judgy. Yes, people are allowed to wish those things were different, but then they also need to get over it. (And no, not everyone wishes their lives/relationships were different for their wedding.) Could that have been stated more kindly? Maybe.
    I agree. I'm sorry for my bitchiness. I thought the first part of this thread was awesome and then after OP made the "dreamed about this day" comment I felt like she was unfairly shat upon so I felt defensive on her behalf. 
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    MandTFebruary62011ILoveBeachMusickkcc2015
  • I'm having a very simple wedding.  It's in a barn, which is part of an open air museum.  It's in summer, so should be warm enough, but we'll have back-up heaters on standby just in case.  We were hoping that the guests could sit outside during the ceremony (UK law prohibits actually getting married outside, but we could get married just inside the doorway!) but if it rains, there is plenty of space inside.

    My first priority was that it would be a fun and comfortable day for the guests.  Personally, I've been to a lot of traditional hotel weddings (and been forced into some uncomfortable bridesmaid outfits!) and found them a little boring.  That's why we've chosen the museum, which has loads of beautiful, historical buildings and educational activities for kids, so everyone can go exploring whilst we have our photographs taken etc. and (hopefully!) no-one will get bored.

    When I say "Disney fairy-tale" I'm definitely not talking about super sparkly princess froth- just celebrating our love for each other in an environment that's not hostile, with people who are happy for us!  

    Unfortunately, wearing heels or very formal clothing will not really be appropriate, as some parts of the museum are a little muddy, which my Mum is upset about.

    The main issue for her is that we've chosen to get married where we live now, rather than where I grew up.  It's not even where I was born, or where my family is originally from.  I have no idea how I'd plan it so far away.

    I sat my Mum down a few days ago, and said that she was hurting us both with her comments. She said that she was hurt by our decision, and I told her that actually, that didn't matter, it was her job to suck it up, smile, and get on with it.  I told her that for one day, she had to put her feelings aside, be the adult, and let someone else come first.  

    I'm not expecting miracles, but she did listen, and it felt good to say it.  
    Good for you for standing up for yourself and drawing boundaries. At least she listened and hopefully she will take it to heart. 

    As as to the bolded, I would be upset if I went to a wedding, even a causal outdoor wedding, and it was muddy. Even the most "laid back, outdoor" weddings I've been to I've always worn sandals and a dress so if I went to a museum and realized I had to walk in/around mud I'd definitely be unhappy and annoyed. So if this is what your Mom is upset about I don't think she's out of time. You do have other arrangements in case there is bad weather/mud/too hot or cold, right?
    SP29InLoveInQueens
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    Your plans sound pretty good OP.  I'm glad you stood up to your mom too.  Just don't be surprised if she continues to push back.

    Also, you should be providing refreshments for your guests during the time you are getting your pictures taken.  If they are also allowed to explore the museum, that is fine.  But there should at least be something to drink and a small bites to eat.  You don't have to have a giant and crazy cocktail hour, but at the least some cheese and cracker trays, veggie tray, or a fruit tray with at least water to drink for all guests.

    Lastly, change you username and stick around with us!

    DrillSergeantCatSP29short+sassyInLoveInQueens
  • Huge hugs, OP. Reading your first post with things your mother has said to you made me tear up a little. I know it hurts, and you don't deserve it.

    I'll dissent from the crowd; I think the more recent PPs are a little harsh. It's obvious you're not whining about a horse and carriage, a fluffy dress, and flower arrangements. It's not just a party, it's the day you make a significant public commitment to your FH and a nearly universal rite of passage for adults. You're picturing a day with familial harmony, where you can rely on your closest family to be happy for you and give their blessing by participating in your wedding day. I don't think it's odd or immature that you've pictured those close, special moments with your mom, (congrats to all the posters who literally never, ever, ever, thought about getting married or having a wedding... insert JLaw "OK" gif here...) and I don't think you should be judged for being disappointed that they may not happen, or may possibly happen but only after a long period of emotional turmoil that might not even be worth it! That totally sucks and it's definitely OK to be disappointed by it. 

    It isn't the same, but I've had a really rough relationship with my MIL since I got married. She's said some incredibly nasty things to me and treated me with open contempt. While, yes - I do stand up for myself, I draw boundaries and enforce them, and H and I make sure we are a united front - it doesn't make the broken relationship hurt any less.

    It seems like you're doing a pretty good job of handling things. I agree with the posters who said you should limit wedding talk with your mom - and if that includes turning down the offer of the dress, you may need to do that. Let her know you love her and you'd like her to be a part of your wedding, but that you are an adult and you make decisions about your life with your FH and in order to be a part of your life she is required to respect that - it's not optional. Good luck!
    I usually agree with you @spockforprez, but I feel like you're judging people who didn't dream of a wedding just as much as some PPs were judging the OP for dreaming about a wedding. Can't we all agree that we all have different approaches to the type of wedding we have without putting down the choices or approaches of others?
    What you described is exactly what I'm protesting with that comment. OP said she pictured special moments with her mom on her wedding day and now she's bummed about the way things are going, and in response she got a pile of "Life is not a Disney fairytale, time to grow up, I never dreamed about my wedding so you just need to let it go" comments which in this context are pretty mean. If OP was upset about some unnecessary detail of the wedding, I could understand that, but implying immaturity on her part because she's bummed her mom won't be a part of her wedding day is rude. IMO, of course! 
    Yeah, but you implied they were lying. I didn't have a great relationship with my mom's parents. At no point did I dream of having them there, or wish the relationship were better. So the "sure ok you didn't" comment was judgy. Yes, people are allowed to wish those things were different, but then they also need to get over it. (And no, not everyone wishes their lives/relationships were different for their wedding.) Could that have been stated more kindly? Maybe.
    I agree. I'm sorry for my bitchiness. I thought the first part of this thread was awesome and then after OP made the "dreamed about this day" comment I felt like she was unfairly shat upon so I felt defensive on her behalf. 
    I'm with you, @spockforprez.  I think some posters saw the words "Disney fairy tale" and jumped on that phrase instead of the sentiment behind it.  I could not possibly give any fewer shits about a Disney fairy tale wedding.  That is basically the polar opposite of my style.  

    But I do very much want a bonding experience with my mom.  I'm very fortunate that we have a good relationship, but I expect that I would still be longing for that mother-daughter bonding even if we didn't.  In fact, I have something similar with my dad.  My parents are married and he has always been around, but he's just not one for emotional closeness so I don't even feel like we really know each other.  I would love a speech filled with love and an emotional father-daughter dance, but I doubt those things are going to happen.  It's just not part of the relationship we have.  I'll be fine.  I'm not lying awake at night crying about it.  But that doesn't mean I can't mourn the loss of the picture-perfect moment just a little bit.

    So OP: be sad.  It's sad that your mother isn't willing or able to support you in the ways you long for.  It is perfectly normal to feel sad about that.  But you also need to come to terms with the fact that your mother is who she is.  You are just going to cause yourself more pain and disappointment if you try to force her into a mold (supportive mommy sharing a lovely wedding experience with her daughter) that just doesn't fit.  
    SP29ernursejkkcc2015


  • As as to the bolded, I would be upset if I went to a wedding, even a causal outdoor wedding, and it was muddy. Even the most "laid back, outdoor" weddings I've been to I've always worn sandals and a dress so if I went to a museum and realized I had to walk in/around mud I'd definitely be unhappy and annoyed. So if this is what your Mom is upset about I don't think she's out of time. You do have other arrangements in case there is bad weather/mud/too hot or cold, right?

    It's a big place.  I've been there in sandals and been fine, but then, if it's particularly bad weather, there are some bits that might be best avoided if wearing sandals.  Hopefully, in August, we won't have any problems; worst case scenario is some people might not be able to visit all the attractions, and others might choose to wear wellies.  Tbh, in the UK, there are only a few days a year that sandals are warm enough anyway!

    Your plans sound pretty good OP.  I'm glad you stood up to your mom too.  Just don't be surprised if she continues to push back.

    Also, you should be providing refreshments for your guests during the time you are getting your pictures taken.  If they are also allowed to explore the museum, that is fine.  But there should at least be something to drink and a small bites to eat.  You don't have to have a giant and crazy cocktail hour, but at the least some cheese and cracker trays, veggie tray, or a fruit tray with at least water to drink for all guests.

    Lastly, change you username and stick around with us!


    Yes, there will be food provided as well, but it won't be a traditional cocktail hour. 
    OliveOilsMom
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    Huge hugs, OP. Reading your first post with things your mother has said to you made me tear up a little. I know it hurts, and you don't deserve it.

    I'll dissent from the crowd; I think the more recent PPs are a little harsh. It's obvious you're not whining about a horse and carriage, a fluffy dress, and flower arrangements. It's not just a party, it's the day you make a significant public commitment to your FH and a nearly universal rite of passage for adults. You're picturing a day with familial harmony, where you can rely on your closest family to be happy for you and give their blessing by participating in your wedding day. I don't think it's odd or immature that you've pictured those close, special moments with your mom, (congrats to all the posters who literally never, ever, ever, thought about getting married or having a wedding... insert JLaw "OK" gif here...) and I don't think you should be judged for being disappointed that they may not happen, or may possibly happen but only after a long period of emotional turmoil that might not even be worth it! That totally sucks and it's definitely OK to be disappointed by it. 

    It isn't the same, but I've had a really rough relationship with my MIL since I got married. She's said some incredibly nasty things to me and treated me with open contempt. While, yes - I do stand up for myself, I draw boundaries and enforce them, and H and I make sure we are a united front - it doesn't make the broken relationship hurt any less.

    It seems like you're doing a pretty good job of handling things. I agree with the posters who said you should limit wedding talk with your mom - and if that includes turning down the offer of the dress, you may need to do that. Let her know you love her and you'd like her to be a part of your wedding, but that you are an adult and you make decisions about your life with your FH and in order to be a part of your life she is required to respect that - it's not optional. Good luck!
    I usually agree with you @spockforprez, but I feel like you're judging people who didn't dream of a wedding just as much as some PPs were judging the OP for dreaming about a wedding. Can't we all agree that we all have different approaches to the type of wedding we have without putting down the choices or approaches of others?
    What you described is exactly what I'm protesting with that comment. OP said she pictured special moments with her mom on her wedding day and now she's bummed about the way things are going, and in response she got a pile of "Life is not a Disney fairytale, time to grow up, I never dreamed about my wedding so you just need to let it go" comments which in this context are pretty mean. If OP was upset about some unnecessary detail of the wedding, I could understand that, but implying immaturity on her part because she's bummed her mom won't be a part of her wedding day is rude. IMO, of course! 
    Yeah, but you implied they were lying. I didn't have a great relationship with my mom's parents. At no point did I dream of having them there, or wish the relationship were better. So the "sure ok you didn't" comment was judgy. Yes, people are allowed to wish those things were different, but then they also need to get over it. (And no, not everyone wishes their lives/relationships were different for their wedding.) Could that have been stated more kindly? Maybe.
    I agree. I'm sorry for my bitchiness. I thought the first part of this thread was awesome and then after OP made the "dreamed about this day" comment I felt like she was unfairly shat upon so I felt defensive on her behalf. 
    I'm with you, @spockforprez.  I think some posters saw the words "Disney fairy tale" and jumped on that phrase instead of the sentiment behind it.  I could not possibly give any fewer shits about a Disney fairy tale wedding.  That is basically the polar opposite of my style.  

    But I do very much want a bonding experience with my mom.  I'm very fortunate that we have a good relationship, but I expect that I would still be longing for that mother-daughter bonding even if we didn't.  In fact, I have something similar with my dad.  My parents are married and he has always been around, but he's just not one for emotional closeness so I don't even feel like we really know each other.  I would love a speech filled with love and an emotional father-daughter dance, but I doubt those things are going to happen.  It's just not part of the relationship we have.  I'll be fine.  I'm not lying awake at night crying about it.  But that doesn't mean I can't mourn the loss of the picture-perfect moment just a little bit.

    So OP: be sad.  It's sad that your mother isn't willing or able to support you in the ways you long for.  It is perfectly normal to feel sad about that.  But you also need to come to terms with the fact that your mother is who she is.  You are just going to cause yourself more pain and disappointment if you try to force her into a mold (supportive mommy sharing a lovely wedding experience with her daughter) that just doesn't fit.  
    So much this, and that happens a lot around here. People tend to zero in with blinders on a word or phrase and completely blow it out of proportion. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    ILoveBeachMusickmmssg
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