My photographer didn't take one single shot of my family but took many of my husband's family..

Knottie82877882

I can't get over it..it is making me depressed.. For over a year and a half, I have been planning this destination wedding alone.. I say alone because I didn't get pretty much any help from my husband and/or from his big family (of four siblings).

My husband asked me if we could hire his wedding photographer friend for the event (the same guy has already registered his brother's wedding five years ago but I never got to see the photos because we live far from each other). I agreed since for him it was important.

I understood that the photographer is closer to my husband's family since they are friends for years (and they all speak english as first language). The fact that my parents don't speak english would complicate a bit the communication (although my only sister speaks fluent english).

So I have a small family: my parents + my sister + my nephew + me..
My husband's family is quite big: his parents + four siblings + two sisters-in-law + two nieces + one nephew + husband..  

On the day of the wedding, my husband's family was just chilling while my parents were working hard on last minute details and trying to help everyone that needed attention (we were all - plus some friends - staying in a big house).

When I was almost done with my make-up, the photographer came and asked how long more for me to be ready and the makeup artist said "10 minutes". After that, my sister would be the one getting ready.

He was supposed to come back after this 10 minutes but instead, he came back after almost one hour and a half when my sister was ready and everyone was rushing to go to the church; there was not a single photo of us getting ready together. Guess what he was doing for all this time: fabulous family portraits - in all different angles possible - of my husband's family!

When he finally came back to my room, he took one shot of my nephew and one bad shot of my dad, my sister, my nephew and I, without my mom..! At this point, my mom has already left for the church (which was a 30min drive) and we didn't get one single shot of our family together (we rushed in 10min to take two shots of my family without my mom).

Since he was staying in the same house with us, after the wedding, he invited both families to the living room to show a slideshow of the first photos.. We started watching with big smiles and laughing until we noticed that we only saw around five bad photos of my family (not one with all together) and another 25 or more of my husband's family alone. My nephew didn't see himself and got upset (his is autistic) and so it upset my sister also (which has found out recently that is also autistic). My parents faces were showing how disappointed they were but they are too diplomatic to say anything. I later saw my sister and nephew crying and it broke my heart badly..my mom just got to know much later that she was the only one missing in the photo because the photographer never told us when these family photos should be taken and she didn't know about it.

I trusted he was the best wedding photographer from his region as my husband kept telling me, so I just let it all in his hands..he never once tried to ask me any list of essencial photos or never told me the sequence of them. Actually, he never said anything at all about how it should be and I was too stressed to notice this things at the time..

It has been ten days since the wedding and I feel like I failed my hard working family miserably and this is eating me alive.. All the guests were so happy with the wedding and I got loads of compliments for it but I came back from it with the saddest feeling that I didn't honour my parents hard work and disappointed my special sister.

My husband felt really bad about it but he defends the photographer since they are friends. I just cannot be myself anymore with the photographer (we used to get along). The photographer never admitted his mistakes, instead, he tried to blame the situation, saying that "my family was always scattered" while he should have called everyone for a family shot..

What hurts me the most is that I don't have a family shot with my mom..

I suffered of depression before and I am falling on this big black whole again..can't smile and can't focus..I'm very sad since I worked so hard for this wedding and my husband's family was the one that got the best memories..

Please share with me if you have been through something similar or if you know how to let this bad feeling go..

Thank you.. 

ernursej

I posted a response on your other post. It is usually best to include "cross post or posted on multiple boards" if you are doing so.

MesmrEwe

I didn't see the other post yet nor the advice there - but IMO - I'd recommend to set up a photo shoot with your family together since your husband does know that you have NONE from the day itself and dress up, get some flowers done if need be - with a different photographer that you're all comfortable with!  The past is done, and heartbreaking as it may be, there is no redo, you can only dress up and take some photos together (and yes, I'd even say in your gown sooner than later!).  I'd rather have the pictures together even if done at a secondary photo shoot than none at all to mark the occasion. 

Your H and the photographer won't admit fault here, they're buddies after all!  It has NOTHING to do with you that this is the case, but whatever you do, the buddy is NEVER going to be used as a photographer again where you're involved.  IMO - how do you NOT take a photo, at the church, of the Bride with HER family, especially the MOB, in at least ONE posed picture?!?!  - even if it's a 10 minute photo session - how TF did he NOT get that one other than he was more fixated on your FI's side (a professional will tell you "I NEED" and take charge of the photo shoot aspect of your wedding).  And, there doesn't need to be an elephant in the room for the future, he screwed up your wedding photos, confront it and be honest about it.  YOU do not deserve to feel miserable over his mistake, you do not own his mistake, you do what you can to fix the situation, which means, hire a photographer and get together for some pictures! (it really won't break the bank, most photographers are reasonable for an hour or two of shooting time in-studio)..