Bridesmaid Etiquette

photokitty

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear the jewelry she gave you. It's not unreasonable for her to do that. 

It's probably easier to wear the jewelry than make a fuss, but I would likely politely decline.  I am allergic to a lot of jewelry, including some so-called hypoallergenic jewelry (I'm not just allergic to nickel), and I also have pretty particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up.  I do think it's unreasonable to try to dictate what the bridesmaids wear, jewelry-wise.  

Sigh. Yeah okay fine if you have special needs decline. But she said nothing of the sort just that she had her own stuff. 

I wouldn't just decline because of my allergies; as I said, I have particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up as well.  She would not be in the wrong for politely declining to wear jewelry picked out for her, for whatever reason.

I agree with starmoon. I think if the bride provides the accessories, shoes, shawl, etc., which she wants her bridal party to wear then it's not unreasonable. Sort of like if the bride wants red nail polish and pays for manicures. It's micromanaging and borderline prop-y, but not an unreasonable request. Assuming allergies are not an issue. WAY better than asking them to wear matching robes.

Viczaesar

photokitty said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear the jewelry she gave you. It's not unreasonable for her to do that. 

It's probably easier to wear the jewelry than make a fuss, but I would likely politely decline.  I am allergic to a lot of jewelry, including some so-called hypoallergenic jewelry (I'm not just allergic to nickel), and I also have pretty particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up.  I do think it's unreasonable to try to dictate what the bridesmaids wear, jewelry-wise.  

Sigh. Yeah okay fine if you have special needs decline. But she said nothing of the sort just that she had her own stuff. 

I wouldn't just decline because of my allergies; as I said, I have particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up as well.  She would not be in the wrong for politely declining to wear jewelry picked out for her, for whatever reason.

I agree with starmoon. I think if the bride provides the accessories, shoes, shawl, etc., which she wants her bridal party to wear then it's not unreasonable. Sort of like if the bride wants red nail polish and pays for manicures. It's micromanaging and borderline prop-y, but not an unreasonable request. Assuming allergies are not an issue. WAY better than asking them to wear matching robes.

I consider requiring nail polish and/or manicures inappropriate and overstepping as well.  The fact that it's better than asking them to wear matching robes does not make it okay.

photokitty

Viczaesar said:

photokitty said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear the jewelry she gave you. It's not unreasonable for her to do that. 

It's probably easier to wear the jewelry than make a fuss, but I would likely politely decline.  I am allergic to a lot of jewelry, including some so-called hypoallergenic jewelry (I'm not just allergic to nickel), and I also have pretty particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up.  I do think it's unreasonable to try to dictate what the bridesmaids wear, jewelry-wise.  

Sigh. Yeah okay fine if you have special needs decline. But she said nothing of the sort just that she had her own stuff. 

I wouldn't just decline because of my allergies; as I said, I have particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up as well.  She would not be in the wrong for politely declining to wear jewelry picked out for her, for whatever reason.

I agree with starmoon. I think if the bride provides the accessories, shoes, shawl, etc., which she wants her bridal party to wear then it's not unreasonable. Sort of like if the bride wants red nail polish and pays for manicures. It's micromanaging and borderline prop-y, but not an unreasonable request. Assuming allergies are not an issue. WAY better than asking them to wear matching robes.

I consider requiring nail polish and/or manicures inappropriate and overstepping as well.  The fact that it's better than asking them to wear matching robes does not make it okay.

Why is requiring a matching dress ok, but not accessories? I'm not a fan of matchy matchy, but wouldn't balk at a necklace and bracelet if they are provided. If you want to take them off or change to your own after the ceremony and photos I think that's fine too. I just don't find it an unreasonable request, IF they are provided.

banana468

Viczaesar said:

photokitty said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear the jewelry she gave you. It's not unreasonable for her to do that. 

It's probably easier to wear the jewelry than make a fuss, but I would likely politely decline.  I am allergic to a lot of jewelry, including some so-called hypoallergenic jewelry (I'm not just allergic to nickel), and I also have pretty particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up.  I do think it's unreasonable to try to dictate what the bridesmaids wear, jewelry-wise.  

Sigh. Yeah okay fine if you have special needs decline. But she said nothing of the sort just that she had her own stuff. 

I wouldn't just decline because of my allergies; as I said, I have particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up as well.  She would not be in the wrong for politely declining to wear jewelry picked out for her, for whatever reason.

I agree with starmoon. I think if the bride provides the accessories, shoes, shawl, etc., which she wants her bridal party to wear then it's not unreasonable. Sort of like if the bride wants red nail polish and pays for manicures. It's micromanaging and borderline prop-y, but not an unreasonable request. Assuming allergies are not an issue. WAY better than asking them to wear matching robes.

I consider requiring nail polish and/or manicures inappropriate and overstepping as well.  The fact that it's better than asking them to wear matching robes does not make it okay.

I think it's all in how it's done.    If it's required and paid for by here that's different.    It's micromanaging but the bride is allowed to.   It's not nice but allowed.   

Viczaesar

banana468 said:

Viczaesar said:

photokitty said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear the jewelry she gave you. It's not unreasonable for her to do that. 

It's probably easier to wear the jewelry than make a fuss, but I would likely politely decline.  I am allergic to a lot of jewelry, including some so-called hypoallergenic jewelry (I'm not just allergic to nickel), and I also have pretty particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up.  I do think it's unreasonable to try to dictate what the bridesmaids wear, jewelry-wise.  

Sigh. Yeah okay fine if you have special needs decline. But she said nothing of the sort just that she had her own stuff. 

I wouldn't just decline because of my allergies; as I said, I have particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up as well.  She would not be in the wrong for politely declining to wear jewelry picked out for her, for whatever reason.

I agree with starmoon. I think if the bride provides the accessories, shoes, shawl, etc., which she wants her bridal party to wear then it's not unreasonable. Sort of like if the bride wants red nail polish and pays for manicures. It's micromanaging and borderline prop-y, but not an unreasonable request. Assuming allergies are not an issue. WAY better than asking them to wear matching robes.

I consider requiring nail polish and/or manicures inappropriate and overstepping as well.  The fact that it's better than asking them to wear matching robes does not make it okay.

I think it's all in how it's done.    If it's required and paid for by here that's different.    It's micromanaging but the bride is allowed to.   It's not nice but allowed.   

Why do you think it's allowed?  Allowed by whom?  I disagree completely.  They are standing up in support of the people getting married.  They're not part of the decor, and they shouldn't be decorated as though they were.  It's bad enough that we as a society say it's okay to dictate the clothing, but as far as I'm concerned it is not okay to dictate hair style, jewelry, shoes, nails, or pretty much any other physical aspect of the wedding party members.

Viczaesar

photokitty said:

Viczaesar said:

photokitty said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear the jewelry she gave you. It's not unreasonable for her to do that. 

It's probably easier to wear the jewelry than make a fuss, but I would likely politely decline.  I am allergic to a lot of jewelry, including some so-called hypoallergenic jewelry (I'm not just allergic to nickel), and I also have pretty particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up.  I do think it's unreasonable to try to dictate what the bridesmaids wear, jewelry-wise.  

Sigh. Yeah okay fine if you have special needs decline. But she said nothing of the sort just that she had her own stuff. 

I wouldn't just decline because of my allergies; as I said, I have particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up as well.  She would not be in the wrong for politely declining to wear jewelry picked out for her, for whatever reason.

I agree with starmoon. I think if the bride provides the accessories, shoes, shawl, etc., which she wants her bridal party to wear then it's not unreasonable. Sort of like if the bride wants red nail polish and pays for manicures. It's micromanaging and borderline prop-y, but not an unreasonable request. Assuming allergies are not an issue. WAY better than asking them to wear matching robes.

I consider requiring nail polish and/or manicures inappropriate and overstepping as well.  The fact that it's better than asking them to wear matching robes does not make it okay.

Why is requiring a matching dress ok, but not accessories? I'm not a fan of matchy matchy, but wouldn't balk at a necklace and bracelet if they are provided. If you want to take them off or change to your own after the ceremony and photos I think that's fine too. I just don't find it an unreasonable request, IF they are provided.

I don't actually think it is, frankly.  It became socially acceptable to treat honored guests like decor, but I'm hopeful that we're moving away from that.

banana468

Viczaesar said:

banana468 said:

Viczaesar said:

photokitty said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Viczaesar said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear the jewelry she gave you. It's not unreasonable for her to do that. 

It's probably easier to wear the jewelry than make a fuss, but I would likely politely decline.  I am allergic to a lot of jewelry, including some so-called hypoallergenic jewelry (I'm not just allergic to nickel), and I also have pretty particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up.  I do think it's unreasonable to try to dictate what the bridesmaids wear, jewelry-wise.  

Sigh. Yeah okay fine if you have special needs decline. But she said nothing of the sort just that she had her own stuff. 

I wouldn't just decline because of my allergies; as I said, I have particular tastes and a strong aversion to being dressed up as well.  She would not be in the wrong for politely declining to wear jewelry picked out for her, for whatever reason.

I agree with starmoon. I think if the bride provides the accessories, shoes, shawl, etc., which she wants her bridal party to wear then it's not unreasonable. Sort of like if the bride wants red nail polish and pays for manicures. It's micromanaging and borderline prop-y, but not an unreasonable request. Assuming allergies are not an issue. WAY better than asking them to wear matching robes.

I consider requiring nail polish and/or manicures inappropriate and overstepping as well.  The fact that it's better than asking them to wear matching robes does not make it okay.

I think it's all in how it's done.    If it's required and paid for by here that's different.    It's micromanaging but the bride is allowed to.   It's not nice but allowed.   

Why do you think it's allowed?  Allowed by whom?  I disagree completely.  They are standing up in support of the people getting married.  They're not part of the decor, and they shouldn't be decorated as though they were.  It's bad enough that we as a society say it's okay to dictate the clothing, but as far as I'm concerned it is not okay to dictate hair style, jewelry, shoes, nails, or pretty much any other physical aspect of the wedding party members.

You have a right to say no.   I agree that if a bride did it then she's acting poorly but it's also her wedding.   So if you don't like the terms you can be a guest.  


Please understand that what I think is acceptable behavior and what a bride can get away with as a technicality aren't the same thing.   I'd also hope that more brides are far more relaxed.   Micromanaging is ridiculous.  

short+sassy

Viczaesar said:

holyguacamole79 said:

Regarding the Catholic aspect of the service, the priest/deacon will guide you (and the guests) regarding what to do and when to sit / stand / kneel.  You'll stand during the Gospel and the Our Father.  You'll be invited to kneel during communion (but you can sit if you prefer).  It is not appropriate to receive communion if you're not Catholic, but you can (if you're comfortable) go up for a blessing.   Simply cross your arms over your chest as a sign to the priest.   

I assume that the bride's family is Catholic; I'd follow their lead. 

Did I tell you guys about the time that I accidentally took communion while trying to receive a blessing?  (Episcopalian service)

This is why I usually just stay quietly in my seat during the communion portion of a Catholic service or wedding.  I personally feel MORE awkward going up to receive a blessing, so I stay put.

It seemed to offend my ex-bf's mother to no end that I "wouldn't" take communion in her church.  I explained so many times that I didn't mind taking communion, but was being respectful of her church because they wouldn't want me to take communion unless I was baptized Catholic.  I don't know if that is the actual benchmark, but it seemed the easiest way to (try) and explain it to her.