Should I invite?

Knottie1456707482

My fiance and I are having what probably counts as a medium-sized wedding (probably small to some people). He really would prefer to elope, and has put a hard limit on inviting 100 people, which is fine with me. There are a few people that I have on my invite list that I'm second guessing, because I rarely see/talk to them (even ones who live near me), but I would also feel weird not inviting them. They don't bring us over the 100 limit, but the goal is to have as few people as possible without feeling like we're cutting anyone. I'm not sure if cutting those people would be a big deal to me or not (they're my friends, not necessarily mutual, but my fiance knows and generally likes them). What did you do about those "on the cusp" guests?

DrillSergeantCat

If it would feel weird to not invite them, I'd go ahead and invite them.

kvruns

we kept it small and didn't invite them. We just did our closest friends that we see/talk to regularly. So people that we used to be friends with or one of us had been invited to their wedding in the past didn't mean they got on the list if we weren't currently good friends. 

I think if you're second guessing people I'd lean toward not inviting them. Why does it feel weird not to invite? Because you've known them a long time? 

OliveOilsMom

Knottie1456707482 said:

My fiance and I are having what probably counts as a medium-sized wedding (probably small to some people). He really would prefer to elope, and has put a hard limit on inviting 100 people, which is fine with me. There are a few people that I have on my invite list that I'm second guessing, because I rarely see/talk to them (even ones who live near me), but I would also feel weird not inviting them. They don't bring us over the 100 limit, but the goal is to have as few people as possible without feeling like we're cutting anyone. I'm not sure if cutting those people would be a big deal to me or not (they're my friends, not necessarily mutual, but my fiance knows and generally likes them). What did you do about those "on the cusp" guests?

Since your FI wants to elope, I would keep the invite list as small as humanly possible.  So I would not invite these people that you are worrying over. 

If they actually ask, which is rude, you just say you are keeping the wedding small and you weren't able to invite everyone you wanted.

AddieCake

If you rarely see or talk to them, I wouldn't invite them, especially since he'd rather there be no guests at all.

SaintPaulGal

What was your relationship like with them before and why did it change?  What are the chances of returning to your past closeness.

I have a friend who was my best friend in the world all through grade school and high school.  We stayed close in college, although we saw each other a lot less.  When she got married right after graduating college I was her maid of honor.  We live in the same city again after a few years apart, but I rarely see her.  Our lives have just gone in completely different directions.  I would absolutely never consider not inviting her to my wedding in honor of what we once had.  And if I did for some reason not invite her, that would probably instantly evaporate any chance that we would wind up close again at some point in the future.

SP29

If you are second guessing, then I would remove them. Particularly since you would prefer close to eloping than big wedding.

We had a hard time with this too. We made a "rule" for ourselves. If we haven't seen or communicated with you in a year, no invite. DH had some friends he was really close with in undergrad (lived with them in residence, then rented a house for a few years- so REALLY close), but once they all graduated, they drifted apart. Only one of his 4 roommates was invited, and 2 of those who were not invited were people he used to be closest to. We also have a couple of friends from high school that we run into every so often, and it's great when we see each other again, but we do not maintain a relationship with these people otherwise, so we chose not to invite.

ernursej

We were brutal with the cuts as we both had people that we wanted to invite, but our venue is small. I'm fine with the cuts we made and I think we will appreciate the intimate feeling of just having our near and dear with us. Our rule was a year without seeing/talking/emailing ... no invite. That helped us out a lot.

Knottie1456707482

Thanks, everyone! It's a mix of reasons for thinking to not invite them/why it would be weird, but all your advice is helpful!