Rehearsal Dinner...Does it seem cheap?

[Deleted User]

Hello,

I had planned on having a small, intimate, wedding with family and a few close friends, out of state.  As time has gone on, and with many of our friends having children the wedding has come to about 50 people.

My FH is paying for the entire wedding which will end up being a three day out-of-state vacation for our guests.  We are already covering hotel costs, food for the three days, the wedding itself, a day of tubing down the river....so on, but now comes the rehearsal dinner question...

We have 34 guests in all who would make up the dinner and we already plan to pay for it, but we are weary of some guests being a bit greedy? That's not a good term to use but I dont know how else to put it?

We're doing a japanese steak house and while I believe some guests will be fine with getting the regular shrimp, chicken or steak options, we fear some guests will lean more towards the $50 meals, and then to add on drinks and appetizers, we dont want it to get insane...

Is there a nice way to suggest certain meal options?  Is it in poor taste to pay for dinner but ask that each guest pay for their own alcohol?  

Again, I know some guests will be respectful and I want everyone to enjoy their meal, but if I was at a 30 person dinner with someone else paying, I would'nt go crazy, where as, I've heard other people say its a great opportunity to get whatever you want on the menu...

Thanks in advance guys!

STARMOON44

When you host a large dinner, it's common and acceptable to call the restaurant ahead of time and arrange for a special menu, which could certainly include a choice of red, white, or beer. 

it is rude to ask people to pay for their own drinks. If you can't afford this place you can always have it somewhere cheaper or dial back on some of the other optional things you are doing. 

lyndausvi

Many restaurants offer limited menus for large parties.  Not only does it keep the costs down for the hosts, it really helps out the kitchen also.

Matter of fact tonight we have a 45 top coming in.  They will have a special menus at each setting that will only have 2 salad,3 entree and one dessert option.  Basically a meat, fish and veggie option for the entrees.   

I think it's tacky to ask for them to pay for their own drinks.    You know your crowd better than me, but I come from a HUGE drinking crowd and even so they are pretty tame when it comes to drinking at the RD.  1-2 drinks, some none, some a few more.  Overall it's not bad.   Maybe have bottles of wine or pitchers of beer (if that is an option) to keep people from ordering liquor.

banana468

I'll echo that a fixed menu is fine but PLEASE don't ask your guests to pay for their alcohol.   This is a 3 day out of state destination event for your guests.   Don't quasi-host them.   

jacques27

Out of curiosity, why is the majority of your guest list coming to the rehearsal dinner?  Or conversely, why are you excluding 16 people?  I think 34 people at a rehearsal dinner is a fairly large number to begin with even with a larger wedding since it's typically just those actively participating in the wedding and their SO's (edit to change spouses to SO's), and in this case it's 2/3rds of your guest list.

I guess I would be concerned about leaving out the remaining 1/3rd in this instance given that it's such a small wedding, unless it's a case of 16 people are skipping out on the first day and not coming until the actual wedding.  If that's not the case.  I probably would pick a cheaper place and invite everyone.

But that's really neither here nor there.  For the actual question, either arrange with the restaurant to limit the menu from the start so they only have the options in your price range or pull the money from somewhere in their budget, but if you're going to host your guests you can't expect them to subsidize it.  It comes with the territory of hosting. 

SP29

Since you mentioned cost OP, I too also wondered why you are having a RD with 34 out of 50 guests.... you are only required to host those who participate in the rehearsal and their SOs.

But anyway, echoing the above, ask the restaurant to create a special menu with a couple of entree options and limited alcohol options (i.e. beer and wine only).

zitiqueen

Knottie1434682911 said:

Hello,

I had planned on having a small, intimate, wedding with family and a few close friends, out of state.  As time has gone on, and with many of our friends having children the wedding has come to about 50 people.

My FH is paying for the entire wedding which will end up being a three day out-of-state vacation for our guests.  We are already covering hotel costs, food for the three days, the wedding itself, a day of tubing down the river....so on, but now comes the rehearsal dinner question...

We have 34 guests in all who would make up the dinner and we already plan to pay for it, but we are weary of some guests being a bit greedy? That's not a good term to use but I dont know how else to put it?

We're doing a japanese steak house and while I believe some guests will be fine with getting the regular shrimp, chicken or steak options, we fear some guests will lean more towards the $50 meals, and then to add on drinks and appetizers, we dont want it to get insane...

Is there a nice way to suggest certain meal options?  Is it in poor taste to pay for dinner but ask that each guest pay for their own alcohol?  

Again, I know some guests will be respectful and I want everyone to enjoy their meal, but if I was at a 30 person dinner with someone else paying, I would'nt go crazy, where as, I've heard other people say its a great opportunity to get whatever you want on the menu...

Thanks in advance guys!

Yes to the bolded. Extremely poor taste. You are hosting them for dinner -- that means hosting the entire thing. Would you invite somebody to your house for dinner and charge them five bucks for a beer?

levioosa

Having a limited menu is fine, but if you offer alcohol it must be fully hosted. You can limit it to wine and beer and signature cocktail if you would like to keep things simple. But you cannot ask guests to pay for their own alcohol. That is very rude. I'm also echoing other posters on the concept of inviting most, but not all guests to the RD. I would just include the rest of the guest list at this point.