Invites and Paper

Separated Couple

DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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My very dear friend and her husband are currently separated. She has already told me that even if they weren't separated that he would not attend my wedding. Should I go ahead and put his name on the invitation as well? 

Re: Separated Couple

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    When do you send out the invites?    I would wait till the last minute to see if they do get back together and then decide.   






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    I'm sending them today and it's already pretty last minute. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    Then I wouldn't put his name on the invite.  If you want to invite give him his own invite because you have a close relationship, then go ahead.  Otherwise just send her the invite.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    short+sassycharlotte989875
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    lyndausvi said:
    Then I wouldn't put his name on the invite.  If you want to invite give him his own invite because you have a close relationship, then go ahead.  Otherwise just send her the invite.
    I barely know him. Thanks for the advice!
  • SP29SP29
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    I would still follow the rule, "invite all SOs at the time invites are ready to be sent". Sounds like there is no SO right now, so invite only her.
    OurWildKingdom
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    edited August 2016
    The day before my own wedding, my sister decided to reunite with her husband.  They had already paid the lawyer, and all she had to do for the divorce to be final was to sign the papers.  She changed her mind (BIG mistake!), and he attended my wedding.
    This stuff does happen.  Tell her that he is welcome if she wants him to come.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    @CMGragain that was my plan. If she wants to bring him, she's absolutely welcome to. I actually solved my own problem. My printer ate 2 envelopes and the printing company didn't give me enough extras so I'm hand delivering hers. I know it's against etiquette, but she's not one that would be offended.
    CMGragainMairePoppySP29charlotte989875
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    So she and her H are back together and she RSVPd for both of them, but texted me and said "he's probably not coming." I told her that was fine and she could bring someone else. Her response was, "Well I accepted for him but he might not show." I have 30 days so it's not a big rush, but I don't think she understands that this is a catered do and I need to give a headcount to the caterer. I realize it's just one person, but it just feels like she doesn't care about spending my money. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
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    So she and her H are back together and she RSVPd for both of them, but texted me and said "he's probably not coming." I told her that was fine and she could bring someone else. Her response was, "Well I accepted for him but he might not show." I have 30 days so it's not a big rush, but I don't think she understands that this is a catered do and I need to give a headcount to the caterer. I realize it's just one person, but it just feels like she doesn't care about spending my money. 
    You may need to tell her directly: "Friend, my wedding reception will be a catered event, and on (deadline) I need to give the caterer a firm headcount. That means that I need you to give me a firm answer by that deadline as to whether or not you're bringing him or someone else. I will not be able to accommodate someone who shows up at the last minute; nor do I want to spend $X on a meal for someone who doesn't come at all. If you don't give me a firm answer by (deadline), I can only accommodate you by yourself."
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    Jen4948 said:
    You may need to tell her directly: "Friend, my wedding reception will be a catered event, and on (deadline) I need to give the caterer a firm headcount. That means that I need you to give me a firm answer by that deadline as to whether or not you're bringing him or someone else. I will not be able to accommodate someone who shows up at the last minute; nor do I want to spend $X on a meal for someone who doesn't come at all. If you don't give me a firm answer by (deadline), I can only accommodate you by yourself."
    RSVP deadline isn't until the 3rd to give me a week to follow up with no-answers. I'll definitely push her after that to tell me if she's bringing someone. 
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