NWR: Baby Shower

CharmedPam

Who throws a baby shower?  Family?  friends? first person to suggest one?  

DrillSergeantCat

Anyone except mom and dad to be may throw a baby shower. 

CharmedPam

Thanks! OK, so I wont be stepping on toes (she has two sisters) if I suggest throwing one for one of my friends? 

DrillSergeantCat

CharmedPam said:

Thanks! OK, so I wont be stepping on toes (she has two sisters) if I suggest throwing one for one of my friends? 

Nope. Her sisters may already be planning one, though, and she just hasn't said anything. I'd just tell her "If no one else has offered, I'd love to host a baby shower for you."

CharmedPam

oh, yeah, I'll do that.  2nd question.  When is the appropriate time to have one?  My SIL is due mid Dec and her family is throwing one mid October.  Does that seem right?

I don't go to a lot of weddings or baby showers.....I think that's obvious. 

SP29

I have attended showers both before and after the baby was born. I would ask your SIL what she would prefer. I think having the shower 1-2 months on either side of the birth would be appropriate.

DrillSergeantCat

Typically any time in the last trimester, but not the last month. It gets pretty uncomfortable in that last month. 6-8 weeks before the due date is good. 

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with @DrillSergeantCat. I've never been to one after the baby was born but I know several knotties said they have.

ei34

My daughter was born 3 days after my shower...super uncomfortable and we hadn't had a chance to put everything away.  I'd say anytime before 32 weeks is best, comfort-wise.
It's very nice of you to offer to throw one for your friend.  Her sisters (or parents, or MIL, etc) may already have something in the works, but you're very kind to offer!

Heffalump

7-7.5 months, give or take 

WinstonsGirl

Up here, we do showers after the baby us born.  My Mom is superstitious that if you have the shower before something might happen to the baby.  It's also nice to pass the kid around during the shower for people to 'meet' them.  But go with what she is comfortable with 

OurWildKingdom

WinstonsGirl said:

Up here, we do showers after the baby us born.  My Mom is superstitious that if you have the shower before something might happen to the baby.  It's also nice to pass the kid around during the shower for people to 'meet' them.  But go with what she is comfortable with 

That's actually common in quite a few cultures.

ernursej

I much prefer showers after a baby is born. It is so much fun to cuddle the baby and then the new Mom has a better idea of what might be needed.

DrillSergeantCat

ernursej said:

I much prefer showers after a baby is born. It is so much fun to cuddle the baby and then the new Mom has a better idea of what might be needed.

As the mother to an infant, I couldn't imagine 1) allowing a bunch of people to pass my new, immunocompromised newborn around and 2) having to put all the stuff away while simultaneously dealing with a newborn. I know it's normal in some cultures, that's just my personal feelings as a mother. 

redwoodoriginal

DrillSergeantCat said:

ernursej said:

I much prefer showers after a baby is born. It is so much fun to cuddle the baby and then the new Mom has a better idea of what might be needed.

As the mother to an infant, I couldn't imagine 1) allowing a bunch of people to pass my new, immunocompromised newborn around and 2) having to put all the stuff away while simultaneously dealing with a newborn. I know it's normal in some cultures, that's just my personal feelings as a mother. 

This. I think the only time it's really okay to do it with the baby is if the kid was born a little early and the shower wasn't scheduled until far later than it should have. 

 (bc you also don't want a super preemie around tons of people)

DrillSergeantCat

redwoodoriginal said:

This. I think the only time it's really okay to do it with the baby is if the kid was born a little early and the shower wasn't scheduled until far later than it should have. 

 (bc you also don't want a super preemie around tons of people)

I don't really want my full-term baby around tons of people. In the hospital, they have to walk into my line of sight and I can see that they've washed their hands before they touch baby. At a shower, it's harder to see that. 

redwoodoriginal

DrillSergeantCat said:

redwoodoriginal said:

This. I think the only time it's really okay to do it with the baby is if the kid was born a little early and the shower wasn't scheduled until far later than it should have. 

 (bc you also don't want a super preemie around tons of people)

I don't really want my full-term baby around tons of people. In the hospital, they have to walk into my line of sight and I can see that they've washed their hands before they touch baby. At a shower, it's harder to see that. 

Oh I totally agree with you. I was just saying that for me, the only acceptable time having a baby at a shower is if say, kid was born at 36 weeks with no preemie issues and comes home and the shower was stupidly planned for mom at 38weeks. So the kid is two weeks old. I wouldn't like it at all bc,like you said, stay away from my newborn immunocompromised baby, but that's the only time I think it would make sense for a baby to be there. 

*i KNOW in several cultures it's always done after the baby is born but it just seems shitty for the mom to have to deal with that post birth and not so safe for the baby's health. 

kvruns

Mine is planned for 9-10 weeks before my due date which feels a bit early but my grandma will be in town from FL at that time and I really wanted her to be able to go. Fortunately it worked out ok with the hosts

labro

Maybe this is a small U/O but I think even IF her sisters/mom are already planning a shower for her that it won't be the worst thing in the world if she's open to having you host one too. I don't think it's a big deal as long as the shower guest list doesn't have overlaps.

My sister's baby showers (she had three, one with her and her husband's friends, one with our family/family friends, and one with her ILs family) all occurred at around 8-10 weeks before she was due. It was pretty good timing because she had a pretty obvious baby bump but she was still feeling pretty energetic and mobile. She also had plenty of time to wash all the baby clothes she received, organize all the gifts, and buy anything remaining off of her registry that she felt she still needed.

TrixieJess

WinstonsGirl said:

Up here, we do showers after the baby us born.  My Mom is superstitious that if you have the shower before something might happen to the baby.  It's also nice to pass the kid around during the shower for people to 'meet' them.  But go with what she is comfortable with 

I was about to say this. Up here it's the norm to have the shower about 4-6 weeks after the baby is born. That way the baby is introduced and bonus, Mama can drink!

DrillSergeantCat

@labro not a U/O. If someone has a huge amount of guests they want to invite, that's the perfect way to fit them all in without one party being overwhelmingly long. 

CharmedPam

DrillSergeantCat said:

@labro not a U/O. If someone has a huge amount of guests they want to invite, that's the perfect way to fit them all in without one party being overwhelmingly long. 

LOL that is definitely not our problem.  If it's an all ladies shower, it will be very very small.  I'm thinking co-ed but most of her friends are single males who would feel weird going solo is my guess.  

emmaaa

My baby shower is planned for 7 weeks before my due date.

ernursej

DrillSergeantCat said:

ernursej said:

I much prefer showers after a baby is born. It is so much fun to cuddle the baby and then the new Mom has a better idea of what might be needed.

As the mother to an infant, I couldn't imagine 1) allowing a bunch of people to pass my new, immunocompromised newborn around and 2) having to put all the stuff away while simultaneously dealing with a newborn. I know it's normal in some cultures, that's just my personal feelings as a mother. 

I'm not a Mom so I have no idea how I would react, but showers post baby are what is most common in my circle. Most often, big gifts like the high chair or stroller are given so it is not very much stuff to put away.

My sister said the shower post baby was a god send. She said it gave her real adult contact and helped her to set up a few visits for a few weeks down the road. She said that it helped her feel less blue about being alone with a baby (husband had gone back to work by then).

Of the showers post baby that I've gone to, most are 4 weeks after the baby is born. The first few weeks are when baby is most at risk so I get not wanting to play pass the baby.

Any shower that I've been to that is for my Nursing friends, everyone arrives and then washes their hands. No one comes sick.

ILoveBeachMusic

From my immunology classes I think I remember that the first few weeks for a full term healthy baby are not the most at risk immunologically speaking. The baby still has antibodies from the mother. If the mother is nursing, the immunity is even better. It is more like right before the vaccinations are given that immunity has dropped - mother's antibodies are decreasing.

DrillSergeantCat

ernursej said:

I'm not a Mom so I have no idea how I would react, but showers post baby are what is most common in my circle. Most often, big gifts like the high chair or stroller are given so it is not very much stuff to put away.

My sister said the shower post baby was a god send. She said it gave her real adult contact and helped her to set up a few visits for a few weeks down the road. She said that it helped her feel less blue about being alone with a baby (husband had gone back to work by then).

Of the showers post baby that I've gone to, most are 4 weeks after the baby is born. The first few weeks are when baby is most at risk so I get not wanting to play pass the baby.

Any shower that I've been to that is for my Nursing friends, everyone arrives and then washes their hands. No one comes sick.

I know that's the way it's done in some areas, it's just not my preference. We all know that opinions are like assholes...everyone has one and most of them smell. I just live by the philosphy 

lovesclimbing

I see them about 50/50 before and after the birth. I prefer after so I can see the baby. I have yet to hear of a baby becoming deathly ill from having been held by people at a baby shower. 

ernursej

@DrillSergeantCat, yes, everyone has opinions.

banana468

My understanding is that some faiths ( Jewish?) Do not do showers while mom is pregnant.   

I really liked having mine pre baby.     I received some equipment but a lot of clothing/blankets_towels that all needed to be washed.    The time pre baby was helpful to do that.   

MissKittyDanger

I've been to both kinds. Pre-baby showers that I've been to were for first baby. Post-baby showers were more of a "sprinkle" and for second baby. Even if they weren't 'sprinkles' I always brought something for mama and baby. Maybe not as much as a shower, but still shows thought and not always same gender second time.