I'd like to hear some opinions on the way I have my registries set up. I think I found an approach that will satisfy my more traditional guests but also allow us to register for some fun extras on our honeymoon.
------- Background -------
My FI and I have lived together 7 years, so we're in the increasingly common situation where we don't need a lot of traditional stuff (towels, blenders, etc.). In researching honeymoon funds the consensus was that they are rude for the following reasons:
1. It is asking for money
2. It is deceptive in that it doesn't do the reservation/booking (and therefore just sends money)
When I asked people their opinion on them I noticed a generational divide. Anyone I talked to under 30 seemed to think they were common and not in bad taste. My older family members seemed to think that "no one" does them (even though I've experienced several weddings in the past year where Traveler's Joy and Honeyfund were the only registries).
There also seemed to be a conflicting consensus that not setting up a registry at all is equally rude. What a conundrum!
------- Solution -------
I set up some small registries at Amazon and Crate & Barrel. My approach was that if I wasn't super excited to receive the item then I didn't put it on the registry. I found 3-5 items on each site that I would be really excited to receive as gifts. This should appease the extremely traditional guests who prefer 'hard gifts'.
Next I set up a Honeyfund, but I only put very specific items that would be considered extra on the honeymoon. I did not put flights, accommodations, or anything that we can't already pay for. Instead I put things like "Foodie Tour: Tapas and Sidecars" and "Oktoberfest: Reservation at [Specific Tent]". I did full amounts for 2; so if the beer tent reservation was $40 per person then I requested 2 for $40. My reasoning is that in this manner someone can feel responsible for a complete experience. A guest saying "I paid for her to get into the Oktoberfest beer tent" has a lot more weight than saying "I paid for 1/20th of her flight." In my opinion this is a nicer option than gifting cash because the person will know the specific activity that the money will be used for and can expect a personalized thank-you (aka pictures!) regarding the experience.
I also put this message below on the registry section of our wedding website. I found it online and revised it to be a little more clear about how Honeyfund works (in order to resolve issue #2 above that it is deceptive).
-------- Message ------
[Edited to reflect the new message taken from suggestions.]
On wedding website:
Used The Knot's pre-defined option: "The happy couple is registered at:" (list of links)
On the honeyfund website page:
"We are honored you will share in our special day. Your presence is our gift!
We're lucky to already have a home full of everything we need, so please enjoy browsing this wish list. We are paying for the honeymoon! However on this registry are ideas for extra, specific experiences you can gift to us. We'll be sure to send you a picture!
To be clear: this site cannot make the bookings or reservations. If you'd like to make the reservation for us and take out the middle-man then please feel free; otherwise we will make the booking as soon as it is gifted to us. Please note that with a Honeyfund registry, the gift you are purchasing is actually a cash value minus the service charge, depending on how you check out.
Thanks for visiting and we can't wait to see you on our big day!"
Opinions time: What do you think? What do you like about this set-up? What do you hate?