Registering and Gifts

Gift for wedding you didn't attend

So I was invited to a wedding that just recently happened. It was out of town and I wouldn't have been able to go regardless due to finances. However, I was sent the invitation months ago and between when I was invited and now, there's been a falling out. If we hadn't had the falling out, I was going to send her a card with a gift card to a restaurant for date night. However now I'm not sure because we are barely speaking and I didn't even go to the wedding.  

Would it it be really rude to not send anything? I don't know if this friendship can be salvaged but I don't want this to be the final nail in the coffin....

Re: Gift for wedding you didn't attend

  • SP29SP29
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    Gifts are never required, so the decision is solely yours.

    As for the relationship.... you were initially planning on sending a gift but are reconsidering due to a relationship fall out. Do you want it to be a nail in the coffin? Sounds like you are upset enough to consider not sending a gift, thus sounds like the relationship may be over? If it isn't, and you're willing to work through things, then send the gift as planned. Or, send a card with a nice note.
    OurWildKingdomernursej
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    Definitely send a card with a nice note, maybe a small gift if finances permit.
  • I guess my actual question is.... If you were in her position would you take the lack of a present/card as a big FU or would you not even notice/care especially since I didn't even attend?
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
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    Ironring said:
    I guess my actual question is.... If you were in her position would you take the lack of a present/card as a big FU or would you not even notice/care especially since I didn't even attend?
    That's a tough one.
  • edited August 2016
    Ironring said:
    I guess my actual question is.... If you were in her position would you take the lack of a present/card as a big FU or would you not even notice/care especially since I didn't even attend?
    That's a tough one.
    Haha, thanks. I mean, I really don't want to send anything, but I also don't want it to be this huge screw-off type statement. I'm not ready for anything quite as permanent as that yet. 

    ETA: if I didn't receive a gift/card from someone who didn't attend but was on good terms with, it wouldn't cause me to think twice. 
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    Ironring said:
    Ironring said:
    I guess my actual question is.... If you were in her position would you take the lack of a present/card as a big FU or would you not even notice/care especially since I didn't even attend?
    That's a tough one.
    Haha, thanks. I mean, I really don't want to send anything, but I also don't want it to be this huge screw-off type statement. I'm not ready for anything quite as permanent as that yet. 

    ETA: if I didn't receive a gift/card from someone who didn't attend but was on good terms with, it wouldn't cause me to think twice. 
    If I were her and we had had a falling out, I would probably see your lack of a gift as a bit of a slap in the face especially since you didn't attend. 
  • Did the falling out have anything to do with you not attending the wedding? If you want to leave an opening, I'd send a card with a nice note but not necessarily anything else.

    I also wouldn't think anything of not receiving a gift from someone who didn't attend my wedding.
  • SP29SP29
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    If I received nothing, BECAUSE of the recent falling out, I would probably assume it was a slap in the face, even if that wasn't the case.

    I think I would send a card with a nice note.

    IMO, the giving of a gift is the relationship versus going or not. If I couldn't attend one of my friends' weddings (which has been the case before), I would still send a gift and card. If it's a case of "I really want to attend your wedding but can't because of X,Y,Z" I would still send a gift. If it's a case of, "ehhhhh.... I'm not going to go out of my way to attend" then I would likely send my RSVP no and not think about it again.

    Thus, if you COULD attend this friends wedding and would, (even with the fall out), I'd send a gift. Otherwise, go with the card.
    OurWildKingdomILoveBeachMusicDrillSergeantCat
  • The falling out wasn't related to me not going to her wedding (if she was upset about that she didn't say). It was far away so it would have been tough financially to go regardless. It's related to her new marriage and she's had a falling out with many other friends as a result (not just me). 

    Thank you for all of your input. I will send a card and a gift certificate to a nice restaurant. I'm not quite ready to shut the door with her, especially since I'm not sure how many friends she has left and don't want to leave her feeling completely alone if she needs support with a potentially challenging marriage. 
    InLoveInQueensgeebee908eileenrob
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
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    Ironring said:
    The falling out wasn't related to me not going to her wedding (if she was upset about that she didn't say). It was far away so it would have been tough financially to go regardless. It's related to her new marriage and she's had a falling out with many other friends as a result (not just me). 

    Thank you for all of your input. I will send a card and a gift certificate to a nice restaurant. I'm not quite ready to shut the door with her, especially since I'm not sure how many friends she has left and don't want to leave her feeling completely alone if she needs support with a potentially challenging marriage. 
    Be wary of this. It's really sweet of you to want to be there for her, but this kind of stuff always bites me in the butt. I befriend someone because I feel sorry for them and they end up draining me. 
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