Wedding Woes

Bridesmaid Ettiquette?


Re: Bridesmaid Ettiquette?

  • So for those of you who are married or getting married. Do you plan and do everything for your Bachelorette and shower? Cause if bridesmaids are expected to do nothing. ..who does it?
    I don't have a wedding party. I thought that I wasn't going to have a shower and bachelorette. I was fine with that. A friend offered do plan both. It can happen when there are no expectations for it.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited August 2016
    My daughter didn't get a shower.
    My daughter's bachelorette party was simply an informal "Let's go out for drinks and fun."  No serious planning.
    The only person who helped my daughter plan her wedding was me  and her paid wedding coordinator, required by the church and the reception site.
    The bridesmaids wore different gowns in various shades of blue, and did their own hair and make-up.
    Beautiful wedding with no ruffled feelings.
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I had a bridal party and two of my friends (who were not in my BP) planned and hosted my bachelorette.

    There are no rules as to who must plan or host events- anyone can. And if no one offers, it doesn't happen.
  • Late to the party, but I will say one thing - this friend seems to be "ghosting" you on things wedding related and otherwise.  And that must be so incredibly frustrating.  Common courtesy would be for her to at least say "no" instead of absolutely nothing because then you can actually continue with plans.  Like this BBQ - would be nice if she  said she wasn't coming, because then you can figure out how much food you need, not to look for her etc ... I know PP have been focusing on the fact that you can't expect her to do anything except buy the dress and show up on the wedding day, which is indeed how it should be.  But I think you can expect her to give a "yes" or "no" to a question when asked.  Is she the kind of friend that you can pull aside and say that you'd appreciate if she would at least say "no" when she can't do  something rather than not giving any response?  Or maybe even straight up ask if she's been really busy lately, that you miss her and would like to hang out?  

  • OP, I think you should take into consideration PPs who have been in weddings and things like this have forever changed those friendships. A month after your wedding, you will most likely not care what you bridesmaids' hair looked like. I was extremely lucky that my sister and mom helped my husband and me with decorations, DIY stuff, planning, etc. We did a couple nights away for my bachelorette party - one of my bridesmaids came one night (because of work), and another didn't come at all (she had a baby less than a year old at the time). Yes, I wish they had been there but their reasons for not attending some/all of the bachelorette party were 100 percent understandable. Although I'm sure there are ways they could've made it work to attend, it was nothing to get up in arms about.

    I'm feeling a little rambly, but what I'm trying to get across here is if this is a friendship you care about that you don't think is phasing out naturally, don't make mountains out of molehills. In a few months, I think you'd be pretty upset if you were no longer friends with this girl because she didn't want to come to your bachelorette party. It's disappointing, yes, but to me, it would not be worth damaging a friendship over.
  • I am no longer friends with someone who I would've called my sister because of a wedding...its not that hard to destroy friendships this way.

    This "friend" and I were close for about 5 years.  She had been a BM in my wedding and when she got engaged I was happy for her.  She asked me (her sister as a MOH) and another mutual friend to be her BM's.  We all accepted and started planning.  Then she asked if we all go dress shopping...where we picked out our dresses and then the bride found a dress she liked.  It was off the rack and she couldn't afford it, so she corned my friend and I in the dressing room (I was half naked helping my friend zip up quick) and ASKED US for the money...AWKWARD!!! I had felt put on the spot and without thinking I agreed.  I immediately regretted that decision and posted about it on here a while back.  Thankfully she paid me back and so I shrugged and moved on.

    A month later she plans a "get together".  And then "surprises" us with cutting out her wedding invitations...I mean seriously????  I was game for going over after work and having some fun...not crafting your fucking invitations!!!!!!!!  (Which she then sent out WAY too early!). 

    At this point I was already starting to feel a little strain.  I distanced myself a bit and still included the friend in other non-wedding activities (all of which I had planned).  I had at one point considered throwing her a bachelorette party but between everything that had happened, I decided against it.  I already felt less close to the bride than before. (and there are a few things I am skipping for brevity)

    Cherry on top?? The other BM and I were doing our hair and makeup in the room adjacent to where the Bride and MOH were getting ready.  We are walking towards them (clearly and loudly there).  Bride tells MOH that she would have only had her be there if she had known that Groom wasn't going to have had asked his other two friends to be GM...then does that fake laugh, turns to friend and I and says "Just kidding!"

    OP, your attitude sounds similar to my ex-friend.  It may not have all been intentional, but when you take each of those things and add them up it was enough to me end the relationship.  It sucked, but in the end her wedding was a HUGE part of the decision.  Don't do this to your BM.  Just call her up and have a non-wedding conversation, apologize for coming off as demanding.

    As for her not responded to your messages...that is rude too, and that doesn't make her the innocent one, but I think I can understand why she feels that way.

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