NWR: Babies

lovemesomemonster

I haven't been active for a while but I wanted to discuss babies! I got married in January and had been with my man for over 7 years before that. We own two houses together and are relatively stable income wise. I wasn't sure about kids but the more I am around babies the more I want one! Has anyone else been in this position? Not sure at first if you even want them then as you get older and are around the littles you get the urge to have one!?

OurWildKingdom

I totally get it! I want to wait till FW finishes school and we're settled somewhere to adopt, but every time we're around kids together, I realize what a good mom she'll be and I want to start the process now!

MCmeow

Yeah same! Me and FH keep shortening the amount of time we plan to have kids. At first it was 5 years after marriage, he convinced me to bring it to 3, and now every time I see a baby I think "Ugh let's just have one right after marriage!"

CMGragain

Not everybody should be a parent.  You are the only one who can decide what is right for you.
When my kids were in high school, they saw many teens having babies.  The young mothers would come back to school, carrying their new babies like a trophy.  There were two classrooms of teen parents taking the required parenting classes so they could stay in school and use the in-school daycare.
They had a life skills class, senior year, that was required for all students to graduate.  (Too late, in my opinion.)  Family planning was discussed.  One young lady expressed the wish to have a baby because she wanted to be loved.  My son jumped up and shouted, "Babies don't GIVE love, they take it.  Lots of it!  If you want someone to love you, get a puppy!  Don't screw up your kids!"  He received applause from the class.
Ask yourself WHY you want to have a baby.  Have your DH ask himself the same question.  You are obviously financially secure enough to provide for one.  Only you can answer the question.  Best wishes and good luck to you.

My only regret in this life is that we didn't have a third child.
My mother's biggest regret in her life was that she had ONE.  (Me.)

DrillSergeantCat

@lovemesomemonster I used to want none but we had a BC slip up and I have my 19 year old because of it. I was told for years that because of my PCOS, I wouldn't be able to have more and when I got together with my FI I actually broke up with him because he wanted kids and I didn't (and didn't think I could). The time without him was miserable and I realized he'd be a great father and much more involved than my ex. We got back together and now have a little 6 month old who is the light of both our lives and another on the way.

climbingsingle

My H and I have decided not to have kids. We are both 100% on board with this decision. I will admit that there are times that I think we should have one - it's usually when I see a really adorable child, or when I'm hormonal or when I see my H interact with a baby. But when I think how much it would change our lives, and how much work it is*, I'm reminded of all the reasons we decided against it. 

*those are not the only reasons we decided against kids. 

southernbelle0915

For some people, that feeling is natural. For some people, they just never want kids period.

However, I would not judge wanting a baby based on being around them during a visit with other people. As a parent, I generally only do visits when my kid is fed, changed, napped...so basically he's at his very best. And even when I don't (with family), I or my H usually handle the really tough stuff.

Have one because you not only want a baby, but also a child, an adolescent, a teenager, an adult. Have one because you want to handle the sleepless nights, the constant crying, the sickness, the worry, the tantrums, the talking back, the rule breaking, the messy house. Have one because you'd rather do that than sleep in on weekends, spontaneously travel, spend your money on the baby/child/teen/college kid instead of yourself, put someone else's needs above your own all the time.... And all that while maintaining your relationships, your other obligations, and a job (unless you're a SAHM).

I'm not trying to be negative about having a baby or to discourage you from having one - definitely not. If you have a really great kid, maybe none of that stuff above will apply and you'll wonder why some parents are wigged out all the time and look like they haven't slept in weeks/months/years. Or if you can afford a live in nanny/help, maybe you won't have sleepless nights and a messy house. I'm just trying to point out that visiting with a cuddly, sweet smelling baby and even listening to one cry during a visit is not even close to the parenting experience.

I guess I'm just saying you have to want the bad stuff too. Personally, I could never have imagined the level of bad that the bad stuff was. I was like "well duh babies cry" and "of course it's hard" and "I can handle less sleep" but now I laugh at how naïve I was. We had an extremely colicky baby who never slept (still doesn't really). For 4 months, he cried whenever he was awake. Four/five hours without stopping - no exaggeration. I haven't slept 8 hours straight in over a year at this point. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world, but sweet mother mary... it was/is harder than I ever could have imagined. For me, it's absolutely worth it, but there's no sugar coating how hard it is.

ETA: I should also add that this "hard" stuff, is with your average baby. During my pregnancy, we confronted the possibility that we might have had a severely handicapped child which would have added a whole different level of hard. That's always a real possibility for anyone.

MissKittyDanger

My H and I got married a year ago and have been together just under 5 1/2 yrs

We discussed kids early on, I think to gage the options and because my H had his heart set on names for a family reasons - which I was/am cool with because ironically it's a popular name in my family.

We're about a year away from deciding to TTC, so there's that.

The feeling around kids apparently is normal for those who want kids now, later or never. Kids are fun to be around!

pinkcow13

Usually being around kids makes me not want to have one, haha. IDK, H and I are in no rush to have kids, and we would be fine not having them. But we have not totally ruled it out. For now and at least for another year, we are not trying to get pregnant and are taking precautions against pregnancy. If it happens by accident we would be prepared to handle it, but it's just not in our plans in the immediate future. 

tigerlily6

I always kind of knew that I would want kids SOMEDAY, but it was always a "way down the line" sort of desire. I like kids, but honestly, babies themselves sort of freaked me out. Once they can walk and talk, I know what I'm doing, but before that it's scary and messy and loud and smelly. And pregnancy? No way!

Then over the past year I feel like some bomb has gone off in my brain, because now every time I see small babies or a pregnant woman my heart melts and my uterus aches in want. I can't begin to explain it -- it really is like some weird fever. 

short+sassy

lovemesomemonster said:

I haven't been active for a while but I wanted to discuss babies! I got married in January and had been with my man for over 7 years before that. We own two houses together and are relatively stable income wise. I wasn't sure about kids but the more I am around babies the more I want one! Has anyone else been in this position? Not sure at first if you even want them then as you get older and are around the littles you get the urge to have one!?

First I have to say calling kids as a group "the littles", just struck me as so funny and cute.

I was on the fence about having kids when I was in my early 20s but, in the opposite direction of many women, the older I got, the less I wanted them.

Just like my normal alarm clock sometimes, I've apparently slept through my biological one.

I do especially like babies and toddlers.  I think they are a fascinating study in human development and, once they start talking, their perspective of the world is often interesting.  But I've never had any desire or pull or urge to have one, just because I am around one.  No matter how cute they are!

Oddly enough, the pull and urge you are talking about, I do have around kittens and puppies.  Many times my H has had to pull me off the ledge, even if I just see a commercial or a You Tube video with an especially cute puppy or kitten.  We do have one dog and one cat, but that is his limit.

Same urge with pygmy goats and mini horses.  That Amazon commercial with the mini horse kills me.  But our yard is not large enough for either one of those, so not much I can do about it.

MissKittyDanger

short+sassy said:

lovemesomemonster said:

I haven't been active for a while but I wanted to discuss babies! I got married in January and had been with my man for over 7 years before that. We own two houses together and are relatively stable income wise. I wasn't sure about kids but the more I am around babies the more I want one! Has anyone else been in this position? Not sure at first if you even want them then as you get older and are around the littles you get the urge to have one!?

First I have to say calling kids as a group "the littles", just struck me as so funny and cute.

I was on the fence about having kids when I was in my early 20s but, in the opposite direction of many women, the older I got, the less I wanted them.

Just like my normal alarm clock sometimes, I've apparently slept through my biological one.

I do especially like babies and toddlers.  I think they are a fascinating study in human development and, once they start talking, their perspective of the world is often interesting.  But I've never had any desire or pull or urge to have one, just because I am around one.  No matter how cute they are!

Oddly enough, the pull and urge you are talking about, I do have around kittens and puppies.  Many times my H has had to pull me off the ledge, even if I just see a commercial or a You Tube video with an especially cute puppy or kitten.  We do have one dog and one cat, but that is his limit.

Same urge with pygmy goats and mini horses.  That Amazon commercial with the mini horse kills me.  But our yard is not large enough for either one of those, so not much I can do about it.

Same! Why don't the other horses like him!?