Wedding Woes

Is there anybody out there?

bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
There's so much I need to do today, but I just want to stare out the window and turn my brain off. My head feels kinda fuzzy, like it's full of that stuff that comes from sheep.  Focusing is difficult, and I keep thinking of things I need to do and then immediately forgetting them.  I think my brain gave up.

DH's cousin hit me up for a loan last night. She's the second person who's come out of the woodwork in a week asking for a bizarre request from me. Last week it was a guy I tangentially worked with at a summer internship 8 years ago who wants to use me as a reference. I have no idea how to respond to that. I barely know his name. Thanks, Facebook. 

I'm not sure how to handle the request from the cousin. She's in a bind, has made a lot of mistakes and is paying for them, and has two small children to boot. She doesn't need much and has said she'll pay it back (the amount is small enough I probably won't miss it if she doesn't, which I suspect is going to be the case), and I'm torn between giving her the money she probably legitimately needs and telling her no, you've made your bed. My personal policy is I'm not a bank. I don't lend money.

It's the second time she's asked us for money in a year.  I'm shocked she asked me, though. I know she won't use it for drugs or alcohol, but I feel like giving her the money would enable her and open the door to future loan requests. DH has been useless, which is pissing me off because she's HIS cousin!

I have a headache that smells suspiciously like a migraine, and in the time it's taken me to write this, I've gone from hot flashes to chills back to hot flashes. I may just end up burning some sick leave.


"And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
--Philip Pullman

«1

Re: Is there anybody out there?

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ooh, I hope you feel better!

    Are there any things you could pay cousin to take care of for you?  That way she gets the money she needs and you get x, y and/or z taken off of your shoulders?

    We had to reschedule our engagement photos so they're now going to be 6 weeks before the wedding.  It seems silly and FI recommended just cancelling them, but what he doesn't know is I've been emailing with Ford Field where the Lions play for access to the stadium and field for some of the pics.  So far, they're really open to it as long as there isn't a concert or some event loading in or taking place.

    I have an office day that requires a lot of focus because I'm finalizing a huge bid, but my ADD is in full swing today.  This pretty well sums me up today:


    image
    charlotte989875OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
  • @AtomicBlonde  I personally wouldn't lend the money. Not because you think she's doesn't need it, but as you mentioned it opens the door to future times.

    @kimmiinthemitten  office work = distracted day. Always.


    So I think showing went well because our landlord didn't call. When H got home, he saw Angel had pooped on floor {we know it was him and not Penny}
    Angel doesn't like the stress of moving, so if we have another showing I told my mum we have to bring him to her place until we move. I don't want to put that on him. He's already going to her place the week before we move since we'll be in and out of the place. She's cool with it, knowing Angel's issues. Poor stinky cat.

    Tonight isn't much. I'll probably do a face mask and relax watching "That 70s Show" lol
    Might toss more things that can be into boxes. 33 days and I just want to move *sigh*
    After the next 2 weeks, we have all the money. That's including money we're giving as a gift for a wedding. They don't have a registry, but I know they're going to visit family in Jamaica in December so we want to give a fair amount. :) Plus it's a coworker.


    Side note; I've been making so many lists! I have things I need to get for myself for fall/winter, plus house stuff. Guhhhh .... wishing away summer!
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    I'm here! Sorry you aren't feeling well @AtomicBlonde :( Definitely take that sick time if you have it! Migraines are rough.

    @Kimmiinthemitten it would be so cool to have some of your engagement pics taken there! I'd still get them done too if I were you.

    Looks like I may be on the hunt for another job. Again. Apparently the company I am working for has trouble paying the bills. We've been told more than once that we were not allowed to pay fees because we didn't have money to pay them. Well we collected money from the borrowers at closing for said fees.... so why the HELL don't we have that money anymore? Where did it go? We've also gotten paid late twice since I started working here 4 months ago. I'm not cool with that. DH and I can't be put in a position like that. Our finances are just too tight. I'm starting to get worried that we will all show up one day and find out that we don't have jobs anymore because the company got shut down either for breaking laws or for not paying bills. Sigh. 


  • Side note, I'm drinking tea and I seem to be new at this because I almost shot it out my nose ....
  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper

    @kimmiinthemitten our engagement photos were done 7 weeks before the wedding and it was fine! we mostly did it because it was included in our package but was also helpful for us getting comfortable with our photographer, which is super important!
    kimmiinthemittenILoveBeachMusiccowgirl8238
  • That would be so awesome to do pictures there @kimmiinthemitten, I would absolutely do them even if it's just a few weeks before the wedding. 

    Im feeling overwhelmed at work. I have a to-do list a mile long and everytime I cross something off, 3 more things seem to get added. Also I think I'm getting sick. 

    @MissKittyDanger when we moved our dog would not leave H's side. He would sit in the truck and wait for him. They know when something is up. It was sad. Here's a sad picture of him. 


    kimmiinthemittenMissKittyDangerOurWildKingdomGreenjinjo
  • @charlotte989875  those eyes!! Last time we moved, we brought Angel over because he got stressed out, but I think with our building being under construction and moving he's just not having it :(
    charlotte989875
  • Good morning everyone.

    Are you a list maker, @AtomicBlonde? That is the only way I stay sane when my head gets like that. It doesn't even have to be organized, just a piece of paper to write thoughts down as they flit into my head.

    That sucks @thefanciestbeckler. Better to do it now than to wait until they can't pay you.

    @kimmiinthemitten he is going to be stoked when he finds out. That is so cool!
    @MissKittyDanger The time waiting to move is almost worse than the actually moving part. 

    This is week has been ... Interesting.
    Monday night, FH and I were talking about the possibility that this new job might not pan out and what our new plan would be. I finished designing (filling out the template for) our invitations.
    Tuesday morning, he gets a confirmation email from the new company including timelines, info on visas, almost the information we have been waiting for. Honestly, from what I read there was nothing in there that we HAVE to be married before he starts his visa. *crosses fingers*
    Today, my car won't start. The battery was dead since I was driving FH's car while he was gone but even after we jumped it, it still won't stay running. *le sigh*
    MissKittyDangercharlotte989875
  • @missJeanLouise  so much yes! Especially when the last few things can't be done until last minute. lol
  • Back from the beach.  Sigh.

    It was a good trip.  Long drive.  TBH, I was sort of expecting Gulf Shores to be like Myrtle Beach, so I was pleasantly surprised.  DH and I agreed that we still like Hilton Head best (and it's so much closer!), but it was good.  Met up with FIL and his wife while we were there.  Wooz brought home at least 20 lbs of seashells, it's crazy.  Debating whether to Pinterest some seashell projects for her, or just quietly make a lot of them disappear.  Probably a little of both.  :)

    Got back and found that my boss rescheduled a meeting that was originally next week to this afternoon, because now he's going out of town next week.  So I have to prep for that next.

    My schedule is stressing me out.  It just so happens that a ton of stuff fell over the next several days, and it is what it is.  Wooz's riding eval is tonight.  Tomorrow, I'm going to the dentist on my lunch hour, and then leaving early to take Wooz to the pedi for her 7 year checkup.  Friday DC is closed, so DH and I are trying to juggle who has the kids when.  Saturday, DS has swim and two birthday parties, and I have an appointment with a personal shopper.  (Mostly because I need to get in and get out.)  Sunday is quiet, Monday is the first day of school (so late this year!) and I have an interview.  Wednesday my brother and his FI arrive for their whirlwind visit.  Because my mom will be <1 week post-chemo, she'll have to wear a mask and can't go anywhere, so I have to pick up the kids, drive up there, pick up food, have dinner with everyone at her place, and then drive all the way back, because we have work/school the next day.  Then things settle down again, and I'm looking forward to that.
    charlotte989875
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    So the cousin just messaged me to tell me she ran out of gas with the babies in the car and had to be pushed to a gas station.  True or not, I'm feeling like I'm being guilt manipulated here, which is making me feel backed into a corner. I wish DH would handle this. I don't actually have a soft spot for her children, though I pretend I do, so if she thinks appealing to the mother in me is going to work, it's not working well. 

    @MissKittyDanger, Toothless was a wreck when we moved. He howled as though he was being abandoned for the second time in his life, and his howl is truly heartbreaking to begin with.  I think it's hard on us because there's nothing we can do to convince them it's going to be okay. I don't know how we'll handle it this time with his heart the way it is. 

    @thefanciestbeckler, I'm sorry to hear about your job! That sounds like a really shady place to work. Are you going to put out feelers for a new job? 

    @kimmiinthemitten I say just go for it. That would be a completely awesome spot for any photo shoot. 


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

  • @AtomicBlonde, IF you decide you want to help DH's cousin, maybe a gas card or grocery store gift card?  
    image
    kimmiinthemittenbleve0821cowgirl8238short+sassy
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    @AtomicBlonde & @MissKittyDanger IDK what the deal is, but my older cat is refusing to use the litter box. He did this a few months ago with urine only and it turned out he had bladder crystals. He doesn't have them now and is peeing in the corner and pooping in the middle of the room. I'm at a loss as to what to do with him.

    @thefanciestbeckler you should start looking for a new job now. The fact that they've paid you late twice in two months is a huge red flag. Good luck!

    I have figured out that I need to watch 5 hours of CPA prep videos a day to get caught up from my syllabus mess up. It also finally dawned on me that the shortest amount of time the program suggests for studying is 3 months, but we're trying to cram it into 8 weeks.

    My wedding is a month from today and I still have so much to do. I told my FI this morning that I really needed to get on a project and he said, "I really thought your bridal party would help you more." I wanted to say, "well I don't see your groomsmen over here" but I didn't. I've started a list of what I still need to do and I have a feeling that I'm forgetting 90% of what needs to go on there. 
    short+sassy
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Found out last night FIL fell and broke a hip. He is having surgery today. MIL passed away in April. Poor H is trying to be the responsible eldest child and SIL is the main caretaker (God bless her!) the other three sibs are fairly useless. Also father of a close friend is not doing well and refusing to go to the doc. Geez, being an adult child sucks!

  • My wedding is a month from today and I still have so much to do. I told my FI this morning that I really needed to get on a project and he said, "I really thought your bridal party would help you more." I wanted to say, "well I don't see your groomsmen over here" but I didn't. I've started a list of what I still need to do and I have a feeling that I'm forgetting 90% of what needs to go on there. 


    SITB - You should have said: "I really thought *you* would help me more" - it's his wedding too. 
    kimmiinthemittencharlotte989875cowgirl8238southernbelle0915
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    *Barbie* said:
    SITB - You should have said: "I really thought *you* would help me more" - it's his wedding too. 
    You're right. He keeps saying he's going to do XYZ it's just going to be a matter of me saying, "OK, let's get out there and get this done."
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    @DrillSergeantCat, if you can, watch the videos in 1.5x speed. That's how I got through my reliability engineering "elective."

    @MNNEBride, I bought her a box of diapers to get her through to get next pay check and said no to the cash. As much as I paid for them, I probably should have just given her cash. No wonder she's broke. I'm starting to seriously consider cloth diapers for our future kids. 


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    MNNEBride
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    @AtomicBlonde @DrillSergeantCat yes I am definitely putting feelers out. Something shady is going on here that I haven't been able to put my finger on yet. I'm not sticking around to find out what it is the hard way!!!

    short+sassy
  • @charlotte989875  those eyes!! Last time we moved, we brought Angel over because he got stressed out, but I think with our building being under construction and moving he's just not having it :(
    Poor thing! How long until you move?
  • It's my day off.  I got out there early this morning and got some shopping done.  I have housework to do and I need to take stuff to Goodwill and the UPS store.  I really want to nap instead.  
  • I'm struggling.  I'd like 2016 to just go fuck itself.  I keep trying to keep myself from falling into depression; at the same time I think I just might need to let myself for a day or so.  IDK.  I took care of some things around my apartment today and I'm making myself cook tonight.  I also have a meeting.  I'm not feeling the meeting and wish I could just hand it off, but I still have obligations to meet.

    I found where my former job had been advertising for my replacement for a month, so that was a real knock to the gut.  It makes me feel like I must've been really shitty at my job; I keep getting reassurance from co-workers, former co-workers, and former managers that isn't the case but it's really hard to smash that little voice in my head right now.  I filed for unemployment, refused COBRA, and I'm moving forward on some other things that I had just been putting off, frankly.

    In all honestly, I'd like to make myself a damn drink already.

    My pity party is apparently in full swing.
  • Oh Varuna, you have that pity party.  And make it a good one, with lots and lots of booze.  
    VarunaTTOurWildKingdom
  • edited August 2016
    Go on with that pity party @VarunaTT. Losing a job, especially how it went down it a major thing. That's super shady they were advertising without telling you!

    When i pity party I make my cat snuggle with me on the couch and watch Harry Patter and drink wine. 
    VarunaTTOurWildKingdom
  • @DrillSergeantCat  I would think a vet trip is in the works :\ Angel poops in middle of floor where the box is if he finds smell to offensive {i legit clean it daily} So maybe try cleaning more often?

    @charlotte989875  33 days! But if he keeps this up, we're not pushing him. Obv he behaves at my mum's place ... why show grandma your issues!? Lol
  • @VarunaTT it is okay to take a couple days to feel sad. I cheers ya
    VarunaTT
  • 6fsn6fsn member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Oh V.  I'm sorry.  I've been thinking about you a lot lately and hoping things were going well.

    I swear everything I touch today turns to shit.  I've spent so much time with customer service people it's ridiculous.  I wanted to try a new to me restaurant for lunch.  It's a good thing there was outside seating because Max sat in the corner far away from anyone crying. 
    VarunaTT
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    @VarunaTT, you deserve a pity party.  That's a shitty situation and it's only natural to second guess yourself.

    Make sure your party has plenty of booze.  And things to punch.
    image
    VarunaTT
  • All the hugs for @VarunaTT  <3
    VarunaTT
  • Thanks, everyone.  I'm stuck in this weird personality vortex of, "Quit yer bitchin' and DO something!" and getting tired of whining, but feeling immobile at the same time.  If it goes on much longer, I'll probably start volunteering at our local LGBTQ+ center, so I'm not sitting at home binge watching Grey's Anatomy anymore.  :smile:
    HeffalumpMNNEBrideSaintPaulGal
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards