Wedding Woes

11 sentences, 1 million red flags

Dear Prudence,
I got married five years ago. I knew I was the rebound relationship, and I knew my husband didn’t love me as much as I loved him. He’s always stayed half in love with the woman before me. She broke their engagement six weeks before their wedding and broke his heart. He married me six months later. Last night I was on the computer, and an email arrived for him. It was from his former fiancée. She apologized to him, said it was the biggest mistake of her life, and asked to meet. I replied saying, “Not interested” and signed my husband’s name. I am overcome with guilt. I have the horrible feeling that if my husband had seen the email he would have left me and gone to her. I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him or hope he never finds out?

—Rebound Life

Re: 11 sentences, 1 million red flags

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Wasn't it just the other week were the LW felt they were in a bad rebound relationship, but from all accounts it looked like a healthy one?  That may have been a Prudie letter not posted to WW though.

    Now this rebound relationship, has bad things written all over it.  Knowing how badly he was hurt by his previous FI, LW should have insisted on a longer engagement.  But knowing she married him 6 months after his broken engagement almost makes me feel like she just HAD to be married due to maybe life pressures, so she just went along with it.  Instead of thinking long term how her life/marriage could benefit from just time getting to know one another and making sure the relationship was equal - she just jumped in with both feet.

    She needs to tell her H what she did.

  • Wasn't it just the other week were the LW felt they were in a bad rebound relationship, but from all accounts it looked like a healthy one?  That may have been a Prudie letter not posted to WW though.

    It was the wedding guest one where the LW was all judgy about her friend and the relationship because he was engaged to the woman previous to her friend (frenemy?).
    OliveOilsMomcharlotte989875kimmiinthemitten
  • She needs to own up to what she did and have a real conversation about the state of her marriage. This has bad news written all over it.
    MesmrEwe
  • Wasn't it just the other week were the LW felt they were in a bad rebound relationship, but from all accounts it looked like a healthy one?  That may have been a Prudie letter not posted to WW though.

    Now this rebound relationship, has bad things written all over it.  Knowing how badly he was hurt by his previous FI, LW should have insisted on a longer engagement.  But knowing she married him 6 months after his broken engagement almost makes me feel like she just HAD to be married due to maybe life pressures, so she just went along with it.  Instead of thinking long term how her life/marriage could benefit from just time getting to know one another and making sure the relationship was equal - she just jumped in with both feet.

    She needs to tell her H what she did.

    To the bolded... I'm thinking she was just so in love with him that she didn't care that he didn't love her as much.  She just was willing to take what she could get.

    SaveSave
    tigerlily6OliveOilsMomkimmiinthemitten
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    monkeysip said:

    Wasn't it just the other week were the LW felt they were in a bad rebound relationship, but from all accounts it looked like a healthy one?  That may have been a Prudie letter not posted to WW though.

    Now this rebound relationship, has bad things written all over it.  Knowing how badly he was hurt by his previous FI, LW should have insisted on a longer engagement.  But knowing she married him 6 months after his broken engagement almost makes me feel like she just HAD to be married due to maybe life pressures, so she just went along with it.  Instead of thinking long term how her life/marriage could benefit from just time getting to know one another and making sure the relationship was equal - she just jumped in with both feet.

    She needs to tell her H what she did.

    To the bolded... I'm thinking she was just so in love with him that she didn't care that he didn't love her as much.  She just was willing to take what she could get.
    Or it was good enough. Maybe she didn't/doesn't have the confidence to believe she deserves better. That she shouldn't feel like this and that she should be with someone who loves her completely. 

    Or or she had what I call Kim kardashian syndrome and she felt she was getting old, her friends were getting married and having babies and she wasn't so she settled. 
    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
    OliveOilsMomkimmiinthemitten
  • When I was single, I had some general guidelines that I wouldn't seriously date anyone who was still within 3 months of the end of a LTR or seriously date someone within a year of them being separated/divorced.  Not a hard and fast rule, but something I paid attention to.

    I realize everyone has different schedules for getting over events like that.  But most people need time to heal a bit before jumping into another relationship and often aren't a good judge of when they are ready.

    And for him to have been dumped 6 weeks before the wedding.  Meet the LW, date her, get engaged, and married...all in the span of 6 months?!?  Really?  Neither person saw the disaster this was written all over it?

    At any rate.  LW needs to come clean.  Because it will probably come out anyway and, at least this way, she can bring it to him in a position of slightly more strength.  Strength -- a characteristic the LW unfortunately appears to be lacking in.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    SP29
  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I agree, WOAH.

    If I were the LW, I'd have to come clean- about everything. As much as it would potentially hurt, I couldn't go on with the marriage not knowing, always wondering.
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