Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Need to work on vows

I have no idea where to start though

We both need to work on ours...but don't know where to begin with the writing. so much to say.

Re: Need to work on vows

  • You do not need to write your own vows unless this is really important to you.  The traditional marriage service has the necessary vows in it.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I prefer the traditional vows - that's what my H and I used. We actually did write personal vows and read them to each other (alone) the day before our wedding. 

  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    When I wrote mine, I just started freewriting. Then I left them alone for a day or two, edited them a bit, then posted them for feedback. I made the suggested changes, and now I'm happy with them.

    My suggestions:

    1. Remember that "vow" is a synonym for "promise," so don't just write a love letter.

    2. Time yourself reading them so you know if you need to add or cut anything.

    3. It's your choice whether you want to show them to your FI or not. I chose not to.
  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited August 2016

    When my H and I got married we used the standard vows.  I had sat down a few times before hand and thought about writing my own, but I couldn't come up with anything that both sounded good (not to mushy/funny/etc) and that encompassed the meaning and depth of the "standard" vows. 

    While I have nothing against a couple writing their own, I do think that they often end up less meaningful and more about a series of inside jokes then about the true commitment of marriage.  Out of all the weddings I have been to I still find the classic sayings have the most meaning and really remind everyone there of the beauty of marriage.  Again, I'm not against writing your own just sharing my personal opinions here.

    My advice to you is similar to what Ourwildkingdom wrote and that is, take some time and write out everything you want to say.  it doesn't matter how long or short it is yet, just write it out.  Then forget about it for a few days.  Revisit it and add/subtract as necessary.  Repeat the above at least one more time.  Then if you want feedback share it with someone.  It can be your FI, your best friend, or us.  Take any feedback seriously but do keep your words true to yourself and your relationship.  Then say them a few times and adjust the length for appropriate timing.  It should be more than a brief 20 seconds but not a soliloquy either. 

    If you can't seem to get your words short enough, consider writing a letter that you can give to your FI on the wedding day.  Or maybe a letter that you will open and read on your anniversary.  In short, don't make it a string of meaningless jokes that only you two will that for outside the ceremony.

    ETF: words are hard

  • Echoing PPs, you don't have to write your own. H and I did not, we just recited back what our officiant told us to say.

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