Non-Traditional Wedding Ceremony

McKinzieJacquet

My fiance and I are having my cousin officiate our wedding, and we are wanting to write our own vows. The problem is, I have NO IDEA what to write or how to write it. Is this where I repeat after the officiant or is it just something I say alone? I definitely want to write my own vows, just have no idea how to go about it! Any help you guys offer would be SO appreciated. Thank you!

CMGragain

Traditional vows do include what is necessary.  Read them for your guidelines.

ShesSoCold

H and I wrote out ceremony and my brother officiated. I googled a lot, asked a friend for a copy of their ceremony (they seriously had the best ceremony) and used a combination of the guidelines and wording I found online, Jim's ceremony and our own ideas.

Jen4948

One thing you should do is find out if your jurisdiction requires any wording to be used in your ceremony, and then incorporate that wording. If you're in the US, you might call or Google your county clerk's office to ask about it.

Also do the same for any religious requirements, depending on your religion (if your wedding ceremony will be religious).

Besides that, in order to incorporate any special wording, you might Google "wedding vows" or use text from your and your FI's favorite books, movies, poems, etc. and think about what you're promising each other.

There are some things we do advise against:
1) Trying to be "cute," "clever," "fun/funny/humorous" in your vows. Save humor for the reception.

2) Making promises you can't keep, like "always putting the toilet seat down/up" or "never going to bed angry."

3) Treating your vows like verbal love letters but not including any real promises.  

cowgirl8238

Do you need help with the entire ceremony script or just the vows?

When it comes to people writing their own vows I often find they don't have the same meaning and gravity as the more standard repeat after me "Do you take this woman to have and to hold, in sickness and in health..." I personally tried to write my own words, but I couldn't come up with anything that meant as much in such a concise and beautiful way as that "standard" script did.

If you want to write your own feel free.  I would write down anything that you want to say and then let it sit for a few days.  Come back to it, read and add/subtract as needed.  Then repeat at least once more.  Once you are happy with your draft, you can share your vows here, with your FI, or a close family member/friend who has an opinion that you will value.  Take their ideas with grace and incorporate the changes as you see necessary.  Then practice your vows a few times.  Make sure they aren't too short or too long. 

If you can't get your vows short enough, consider writing a letter that you can give FI on your wedding day or reading them privately.  Also, please avoid making the vows a string of inside jokes.  While no one will say it to your face, I doubt anyone wants to hear a laundry list of all the things you will/will not do.  The "Standard" vows hold a lot of gravity and meaning to many people and (to me anyway) just making a list of "I promise not to ignore while the game is on" and "I promise not to put baby in the corner" is a bit of a slap to the face to the true weight of getting married.

Feel free to ask any other questions you may have, there is some amazing advice to be had around here and happy planning!

ernursej

My friend started out by writing down specific words that described things that she would like to promise i.e. support, listen and then built from there.

I agree with above posters about keeping it simple and not trying to be cutesy.