Wedding Etiquette Forum

Would you give a gift?

Hi Everyone!  My cousin and his wife are having a convalidation ceremony this weekend so they can have their marriage blessed/recognized by the Catholic church.  I'm super excited for them and can't wait to celebrate with them and the rest of our family. 

I feel bad for asking this, but would you give a gift for this occasion?  They've been married for 5 years, and this is not a PPD situation at all.  They are doing this so that they can be more involved in the church and things like that.  I didn't get them a gift when they first got married because they got married in a private ceremony with just their immediate families present, and I didn't send them anything.  Normally giving a gift wouldn't really be a question, but my husband and I are on a single income right now so I can be a SAHM for our twins for the next year and a half, and we're already spending about $150 for a hotel room to go to the ceremony.  I normally give cash for wedding gifts, but we wouldn't be able to give much, and I don't know what to get them if I got them a boxed gift, because they don't have a registry and they have been established for a really long time.

I'm just not sure what to do, and my mom kind of made me feel bad when I asked if I had to get them a gift.  My husband and I didn't get married in the Catholic church, and if we did a convalidation I wouldn't expect anyone to give me any gifts, but anyone we'd invite to celebrate would have been at our wedding and had already given a gift, and I'd be mortified if they gave us another, but like I said they were married privately so it isn't the same thing.  I know you technically never have to give a gift for a wedding but I'd like to hear what you would do in a similar situation.  Thank you all very much!

Re: Would you give a gift?

  • If it were me, I'd give a nice card and maybe a $25-$50 gift certificate to a restaurant if I could afford that. 
  • Absolutely not. They've been married for five years, had a private ceremony by choice, and are now having it blessed by the Catholic Church.  I would give a nice card with your blessings.
  • I would get them a gift. 
  • banana468 said:
    I'd get them something.    A frame, a gift card, a cross, something.    
    Either a pretty picture frame or something related to their faith would be a nice gift and not too expensive.
  • ei34ei34 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I'd probably give a bottle of wine.  
  • I would get them something small, like I would for an anniversary party. Gift card for dinner and/ or a movie, bottle of wine, something like that.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Some very close friends of ours had their marriage convalidated a couple of years ago.  You can get a Papal blessing for it.  They get a beautiful parchment certificate.  We did this for our friends and I framed it and gave it to them.  While it was a few weeks late, we gave them a card at the convalidation letting them know what we were doing.  I don't remember where to send the request to, but you can call the parish that the convalidation is being conducted at and they can give you the info.  I do remember that the parish priest needs to sign off on it.  The cost was minimal, $50.00 or there about.
  • I would give them a card with a nice note in it, depending on my relationship with them maybe a restaurant gift card for ~$25-50 like others said. Honestly, I'd get something like I'd bring to a housewarming or anniversary party, small and thoughtful. 
  • I have never been to a convalidation ceremony but my understanding is that it is a smaller event than the sacrament of marriage and usually done as part of the mass. I would give them a "best wishes" type of card with a nice note written inside.
    Just a clarification here. In this case, the convalidation ceremony IS when the sacrament of Matrimony happens. Yes, the couple is already married (civilly, as far as the church is concerned) and this is the place for the church's blessing on what is already a reality. You're right in describing it as "a smaller event," but it's a major event in a couple's public life of faith. A card is certainly appropriate, perhaps expressing your own promises to the couple to continue to support their married life.
  • Some very close friends of ours had their marriage convalidated a couple of years ago.  You can get a Papal blessing for it.  They get a beautiful parchment certificate.  We did this for our friends and I framed it and gave it to them.  While it was a few weeks late, we gave them a card at the convalidation letting them know what we were doing.  I don't remember where to send the request to, but you can call the parish that the convalidation is being conducted at and they can give you the info.  I do remember that the parish priest needs to sign off on it.  The cost was minimal, $50.00 or there about.
    Along similar lines, you can speak with the parish secretary and ask to have a Mass said with their intentions.  You can choose the date.  You could select the date closest to this anniversary date on their convalidation.  At most churches, they simply ask for a donation.  (Ask to see if they have a determined fee amount.) You could do this for as little as $10.

    The office will fill out a card giving the couple the information, and you can insert that into a personal card you purchase for the couple.
  • I have never been to a convalidation ceremony but my understanding is that it is a smaller event than the sacrament of marriage and usually done as part of the mass. I would give them a "best wishes" type of card with a nice note written inside.
    Just a clarification here. In this case, the convalidation ceremony IS when the sacrament of Matrimony happens. Yes, the couple is already married (civilly, as far as the church is concerned) and this is the place for the church's blessing on what is already a reality. You're right in describing it as "a smaller event," but it's a major event in a couple's public life of faith. A card is certainly appropriate, perhaps expressing your own promises to the couple to continue to support their married life.
    That makes perfect sense! Thank you for the correction.
  • I would do something small. I like the idea of a picture frame or cross.
  • I like the idea of a cross or frame. The priest who married my husband and I gave us a personalized cross and it is something I really cherish. 
  • I might send a card.
  • If you are religious yourself I think a small religious gift would be a great idea. As others have said, maybe a picture frame with a cross, a cross to hang on the wall, a cross necklace and cufflinks...that sort of thing.  If you aren't religious then I like the idea of a restaurant gift card.  I would imagine that this is a big deal to them, so I would feel like I should give at least something small to mark the occasion. 
  • If you are religious yourself I think a small religious gift would be a great idea. As others have said, maybe a picture frame with a cross, a cross to hang on the wall, a cross necklace and cufflinks...that sort of thing.  If you aren't religious then I like the idea of a restaurant gift card.  I would imagine that this is a big deal to them, so I would feel like I should give at least something small to mark the occasion. 
    Agree with this, Sacraments are a big deal. You give small gifts (depending on closeness) for Baptisms and First Communions; I'd do something small for sure for the Sacrament of Marriage to acknowledge the occasion even though they've been civilly married for 5 years. 

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  • $10 bottle of vino


  • SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would give something small.
  • You don't HAVE to get them anything, but this is the quintessential if they consume adult beverages, the "bottle of wine" gift or something in that "under $20" type hostess style gift to mark the occasion..  You could even surprise her with a small nosegay/bouquet of flowers before the ceremony.  I would likely get a bottle of Mead since it's traditionally known as the "Honeymoon Wine" and a couple chalice type glasses.  It doesn't need to be something "big" at all. 

  • Thank you everyone for the suggestions!  I think I am going to go the religious route with the gift and send them something small but meaningful.  I also took screenshots of this thread to save for gift ideas for the future, so thank you for that also!
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