NWR: When you lose passion for your career

MCmeow

I was a top student, a star student. I was told I would become a great architect by all my professors, I suck at speaking but my designs did all the talking. Now one year into my first real architecture job and I don't want to do this anymore, wtf happened?

I'm super shy, so I dread ever having to speak to clients in the future or expressing ideas, maybe that's something I'll learn, but if I could just sit alone and produce work I'd be happy. I work for one of the top firms in my city, all of my classmates were jealous of me for getting in, so I feel like I'm taking it all for granted. I wish I didn't feel this way. I spoke to my FH who is also in the same field and concluded that it may be because they don't hire enough entry level people like myself, I feel like fresh meat at every project, I always feel like an idiot, so I wish I could be around some peers with the same level of knowledge.

Every day I wait for the clock to strike 6pm and can't wait to leave, it's hard to fake excitement anymore. I see the older people at my job and I can't imagine how they've been able to do it for so long. Maybe I was at the top at school and my internship for so long that now that I'm at the bottom, I feel useless? Anyone else go through the same?

STARMOON44

Um what? Yes like 100% of people feel clueless and out of their depth at their first professional job. That's what being new feels like. It took me years to not feel like every day I was about to get fired. You aren't supposed to be a star anymore. Go to work, do your job, try. These are the years for putting in the time and effort to get to the fun passionate part again. 

MCmeow

It's not about the effort, I actually love doing hardwork, I know I won't be at the top, that's not realistic. To me it seems like others enjoy this, and that I should too. Maybe this goes back to the fact that they don't hire entry level people often and it's wrong for me to feel lost. I guess the point of this post is to see if what I'm feeling is normal and not that I've wasted my years preparing for a career I had no passion for. 

Oh and I'm glad you mentioned the getting fired thing. I feel like that everyday! Ok cool.

charlotte989875

Do you still love the content of what you do, or are you struggling with being an architect as well? If you don't love the substance of what you're doing, you may not be in the right field. That's actually the situation I am in, and I'm actively researching alternative career options.

However, it sounds like there are aspects of your job that you don't like (interacting with clients, expressing opinions) that are going to be a part of pretty much any job you have. These are things that, if they don't come naturally to you, you'll have to learn to work on.

STARMOON44

Definitely normal! I didn't mean to suggest you're not willing to put in the effort. I would really try and give it at least 2 more years. 

charlottesmom0626

Okay I have two responses to this..

First, I was in this place too. Graduated with 4.0, got a job where there aren't many to be had. I was a zookeeper, and everyone I met told me how AMAZING that job was. How cool/unique/different/exciting!

It definitely was all of those things; but it was also stressful, with long hours literally RUNNING around, not paid more than minimum wage (yeah, with a degree), working nights, working weekends, and working holidays (because animals have to eat, even if it's Christmas Day).

All of these attributes started to get to me. Sure- I'd love being a zookeeper Monday-Friday 8-5 with a three figure salary. But that's not real life. It seems like that's where you are with your job, you would love it if it didn't involve working with people (which it does). I had to make a tough decision, stay with my original career path and a job I was no longer satisfied with, or move on. I left. I miss it always, but I know it wasn't sustainable for me. 

My second thought is that you say you're unhappy and work doesn't excite you. Unfortunately, sometimes work is just work. You make money, you pay your bills, and you save up to go on vacation. Not everyone loves their jobs, or enjoys waking up everyday thrilled to go to a cubicle, or clean bathrooms, or stare at a computer screen all day. A job isn't supposed to just be SO AWESOME all of the time. 

charlotte989875

I agree so much with @charlottesmom0626 said, and it took me 2 years to figure out that while I LOVED parts of my job, they weren't enough to keep me sustained through the parts that I hated. Take some time to work and figure out if the substance is worth having to deal with the parts that you're frustrated with. It's perfectly normal to feel this way, but it's also okay to realize what you've been training for isn't what you want to do for the rest of your life.

kylexo

I sometimes feel in WAY over my head here - I've worked in sales for years but this job is my first time in a director role, plus this place is a brand new startup doing a lot of really exciting things, but things are moving really quickly and we're developing new products and strategies all the time. It's really exciting but SCARY.

You're just starting out, you're not immediately going to be the best one there - know the answer to everything. It's okay to "be the idiot" when you're new. I'd much rather work with an idiot who is willing to learn than a know it all. Keep in mind that you were hired because they trust your skills and background will make you (and the company!) successful. They wouldn't have hired you otherwise. And in the end @charlottesmom0626 is right, sometimes a job isn't thrilling all of the time. In a perfect world we'd all be working jobs we were totally passionate about, but it's not reality.

SP29

Yes, I have recently been there. Not so much the profession itself, but where I work.

I'm a physiotherapist, working in a hospital. I knew in school this was the route I wanted to go, and I got a job working at a large community hospital right out of school where the caseload varied (I worked on all the units). I always thought I wanted to work a regional centre in ICU.

I finally got my "dream job" just under a year ago. The first 3 and up until 6 months were really hard. I definitely questioned was this really the right place for me. It was challenging, I didn't feel welcomed by all the staff, I really didn't know if I was doing a good job, and it's a hard place to be- I've seen some of the worst that can happen to people. The place I previously worked at had a large group of physios and occupational therapists, and we were all very close, and our manager was very reachable and supportive- I really missed that. I spent the first 3 months reviewing and look up new things near every night, I regularly left late and worked through my lunch. Finally around 6 months things started to get comfortable, and I didn't feel like a total noob, I could actually manage my caseload. The people who seemed less than welcoming, I've figured out their personality or learned to just shrug it off. The physios I work with are great, but my department will never be the same as the last- and that's OK, it's just different. There are things that still bother me about the job, but that is more the organization/system than my job itself.

One of the big things that helped, was there were 2 other hires at the same time as me. Unfortunately, it helped to know they were struggling too- we all felt much of the same things. It's been good to develop a work friendship with these people.

I can't honestly say I will stay here forever- but that is the beauty of my profession, there are so many avenues to pursue and I don't know too many who stay in the same place their whole career- but I can say that I don't see myself leaving for any reason.

MCmeow- what I see for you, is that you do like being an architect, but you don't love all the aspects that go with it.

I think talking to clients is something that is always going to be in your job for you, so you'll have to learn skills to deal with that. I would suggest looking around for courses on professional development, and people development, specifically communication and interacting with different types of people. The hospital I work for is part of a large organization, so we have "The Centre for People Development" and the idea is to offer courses to help develop the employees of the organization. Many of them look particular to management type jobs, but they offer courses on dealing with different personalities, how to deal with conflict, etc. Many universities/colleges will offer similar type courses through their Alumni association, so you could check that out. Or even contact your Alumni association and ask if there is anything they can recommend.

Having other new professionals like yourself is a big one. I think that is what really helped me. Since you don't have that, is there anyone in the company who you really respect and look up to that can be a mentor for you? I have 2 people like that in my profession- they don't work where I work, and one of them works in an entirely different field (private practice) but they are people I know I could talk to and unload my professional issues on over coffee.

I agree to stick the job out, at least for 1 year to decide if it's architecture that you don't love or not, and if it's not, then stay at the firm for 2-3 years. Even if you hate the firm, you will learn something from it and it will be good experience on your resume that can help you get to the next great place. My friend works in HR and has said that the trend is for people to change jobs several times in a lifetime, but a minimum of 2 years is what you should work at a particular job/company to show that you are committed and have given all you can to the job before looking for the next one.

Subwayloves

I was in a somewhat similar situation; 4.0 student, loved school, loved my field.
I'm a nurse, and got hired into a specialized department that doesn't normally hire new grads. Everyone told me how lucky I was and I was soo excited. Then I started actually working, and felt completely inadequate and like an idiot every single day. 90% of the things I needed for this department were not a part of nursing school. The people in my department were not extremely understanding. I also was scared I was going to get fired about the first six months. However, I did love the work I was doing, so I stuck with it. I've now been there a year, and am just starting to feel like I somewhat know what I'm doing.

glasgowtolondon

You fake it till you make it. I've been in my career for over a decade now and to be honest it's only really been in the last 2yrs that I've been able to relax into it fully. Experience is a huge part of it, no one walks into a job "fully formed". Just remember that everyone around you pretty much feels the same way, probably even the older staff members. Somedays I still feel like I'm a 6 yr old wearing my mums high heels and playing adult!

MCmeow

You guys have been extremely helpful, you have no idea. I really needed this, to know what I'm feeling is at least normal. 
I do love doing the work in architecture, I love drawing, making models, I especially love when a have a stack of things to do and people don't bother me all day so I can do them . 
I guess I also feel out of place in the profession because of what I want out of it. Weirdly I'm not into architecture outside putting in the work. Outside of work I don't mention architecture much, I have my hobbies, my true passion is art. I know coworkers and friends who are obsessed with architecture (nothing wrong with that). Who travel to see the latest starchitect's building, who post articles on architecture related things, who mention things like "look at that curtain wall detail, isn't it great?", but I'm into architecture solely for political reasons, like making civic architecture and things poor neighborhoods need, and I have no interest in building the tallest skyscraper or the glory of it, I obviously care about design, I am a designer, but I care more about who uses the buildings and the impact it has on a poor community. It sometimes feels like I need to WANT to be the next Renzo Piano in order to be successful. Anyway I'm rambling, this is probably in my head too, and I'm sure there's room for different kinds of architects, including the kind I'm trying to be.

Anyway again thank you for the advice and the personal accounts, it helped a ton, and maybe anyone else going through the same. It's good knowing you're not the only one struggling, ha.

ernursej

I feel that with each new job, I struggle to find my place and how I fit in. I've been doing my current job for 2 years but our team just changed and I feel like I'm back at square one with not really knowing my place and how to fit in.

I often have times where I feel like I don't know anything (and I should based on my position) or that I'm being judged for having my kind of job as young as I am.

Hope that you find things settling down and figuring out how you fit.

themosthappy91

Just want to emphasize two things PP's have said because I think they are especially important to note:

1. There are very few jobs that don't require at least a moderate amount of interaction with people, especially jobs that meet your expressed interests (helping communities in need, having a creative/artistic aspect). I think you have to really work on getting more comfortable with this aspect to get comfortable with your job.

2. Jobs aren't supposed to be super fun and something we love going to every day. The world feeds us a lot of the "find a job you love" mantra but personally I feel that's BS in like 95% of situations and as you can see here the vast majority have some amount of stress, anxiety and reservations about their chosen careers. It's an expectations management thing to some degree- you aren't supposed to be loving every minute of it.

Good luck OP! I think you'll be fine if you stick with it.

kimmiinthemitten

I think I cried everyday my first year in sales. I also thought I was going to be fired everyday. 6 1/2 years later and I can't imagine doing anything else. I think in a lot of careers the first year is the worst. As you said, you get the bitch work, you have no bar for comparison on your performance and often times life isn't what we dreamed what it would be. 

You're also in a very male dominated industry. I highly recommend finding a female employee to mentor you. I also have a very male dominated job, and while I appreciate my male mentors, the conversations I can have with the women who teach me are far different and more personally satisfying. 

MCmeow

kimmiinthemitten said:

I think I cried everyday my first year in sales. I also thought I was going to be fired everyday. 6 1/2 years later and I can't imagine doing anything else. I think in a lot of careers the first year is the worst. As you said, you get the bitch work, you have no bar for comparison on your performance and often times life isn't what we dreamed what it would be. 

You're also in a very male dominated industry. I highly recommend finding a female employee to mentor you. I also have a very male dominated job, and while I appreciate my male mentors, the conversations I can have with the women who teach me are far different and more personally satisfying. 

I here you there, can completely relate, I'm glad things turned out better for you!

Luckily my generation of upcoming architects is becoming very female dominated. My graduating class had more women than men and my last team at work was 90% female, so we're making great strides there, which is good news for the future of architecture! Of course most of the higher ups are older men lol. 

MyNameIsNot

Are you sure this firm is the right cultural fit for you? Is the civic aspect that you're interested in a big focus for this top firm? Just because they are a top firm doesn't mean they're right for every employee. Working with clients is definitely something you're going to have learn to deal with no matter what you do, but this company may not be the right fit.

If I were you, I would spend some time networking with people who do work on the types of projects that you are passionate about, in or out of your firm. I think you'd find it easier to talk to the client if you're really excited about the project. I agree that you should probably stick it out for another year, but there's no reason not to start laying the ground work for a future move.  Plenty of people in many industries do a few years at a top company for the experience and then move into a boutique house. 

MCmeow

MyNameIsNot said:

Are you sure this firm is the right cultural fit for you? Is the civic aspect that you're interested in a big focus for this top firm? Just because they are a top firm doesn't mean they're right for every employee. Working with clients is definitely something you're going to have learn to deal with no matter what you do, but this company may not be the right fit.

If I were you, I would spend some time networking with people who do work on the types of projects that you are passionate about, in or out of your firm. I think you'd find it easier to talk to the client if you're really excited about the project. I agree that you should probably stick it out for another year, but there's no reason not to start laying the ground work for a future move.  Plenty of people in many industries do a few years at a top company for the experience and then move into a boutique house. 

Haha yes, this firm does focus on civic architecture. I know I should have a future here if I can get through these issues.