Pre-wedding Parties

Inviting new guest to bachelorette party

Hi all,

I have a tricky situation about which my bridesmaid just approached me.

My two bridesmaids are throwing me the most amazing bachelorette party I could ever come up with - they rented a limo to take to a few wineries in wine country a week before our wedding. They have been planning this for a while, and it was supposed to be the three of us and another bridesmaid, who is no longer in the wedding party. (You can read about it in another question I posted on the etiquette board, but it's a long story, so I won't get into it here.)

One of my bridesmaids just approached me about possibly inviting someone else of my choosing because there is now a vacant seat in the car. The three bridesmaids were going to split the costs, but now that the one bridesmaid has left, the other two are footing the entire bill (despite my urging them to allow me to pay both of our shares) and I'm getting the sense from the way they asked me that they don't want the extra seat to go to waste. They've assured me that whoever I choose won't be asked for any money. It's just about giving someone else the opportunity to share the day.

My question is: Is this B-listing? I can see both sides of it, so I thought I should bring it to the board.

Re: Inviting new guest to bachelorette party

  • If the original guest list was open to four people instead of the three, is there someone you would have wanted to invite from the very beginning? 
  • I could always invite my mom or the cousin that I'm close to. Anyone else, and I'm afraid I would be splitting circles.
  • I could always invite my mom or the cousin that I'm close to. Anyone else, and I'm afraid I would be splitting circles.
    My point is that if there was someone you would have wanted to invite originally, then they would be good to ask. But if you're just scrambling now to find someone to fill the spot then it is less great. 
    charlotte989875kimmiinthemitten
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I feel that this is a little too close to B listing, and that the motivation for including someone else is solely to relieve the costs on the other ladies. I wouldn't invite an extra person. 

  • When is the party? If it's soon it seems a little like B-listing in that they weren't included in the original invitation and planning and are now being added at the last minute. If it's weeks away it might not be as bad, but still seems a little like second choice.
  • When is the party? If it's soon it seems a little like B-listing in that they weren't included in the original invitation and planning and are now being added at the last minute. If it's weeks away it might not be as bad, but still seems a little like second choice.
    It's two weeks away, but they only just revealed the details to me over the weekend. My parents will be in town, so I'm thinking it could be nice to extend the invite to my mom, and let my dad hang out with Fi for the day - they will probably be building the deck all weekend anyway. That way I also won't feel like I'm abandoning my parents during their cross-country visit. (I mean, they'll be here for two full weeks, so I'm not that worried about it.)

    But you ladies make good points. Would an open-ended invitation be any better? I certainly won't be lying to her about it. I'll tell her the whole story.
  • When is the party? If it's soon it seems a little like B-listing in that they weren't included in the original invitation and planning and are now being added at the last minute. If it's weeks away it might not be as bad, but still seems a little like second choice.
    It's two weeks away, but they only just revealed the details to me over the weekend. My parents will be in town, so I'm thinking it could be nice to extend the invite to my mom, and let my dad hang out with Fi for the day - they will probably be building the deck all weekend anyway. That way I also won't feel like I'm abandoning my parents during their cross-country visit. (I mean, they'll be here for two full weeks, so I'm not that worried about it.)

    But you ladies make good points. Would an open-ended invitation be any better? I certainly won't be lying to her about it. I'll tell her the whole story.
    I think inviting your mom since she's visiting anyways is nice. 
    ILoveBeachMusickimmiinthemittenernursej
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Invite your mom. A day in wine country sounds awesome. 
    ________________________________


  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm a mom and I would love to be invited - and understand the timing.
    ei34MairePoppy
  • Okay, great. Thanks, ladies!
  • I feel that this is a little too close to B listing, and that the motivation for including someone else is solely to relieve the costs on the other ladies. I wouldn't invite an extra person. 

    I don't think it's to alleviate cost, just so the amount they paid for isn't for nothing, which, IMO makes sense

    OP I think you're fine to invite your mom, I think that's a really nice gesture. But agreed that with friends it gets a little dicey - splitting circles and making someone feel like a replacement. I doubt your mom will feel that way.

    Have fun!
    OurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
  • I think inviting your mom sounds nice; if it were a friend, and you were splitting circles or she was asked to pay I would definitely say no. If it were my mom she definitely wouldn't think it was rude and would be excited to come. Sounds like a fun event. 
    OurWildKingdomMairePoppy
  • ei34ei34 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Another thumbs up on inviting your mom.  That sounds like such a nice BP.
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