Invites and Paper

Adult children not living at home?

I have a feeling I know the answer to this, but is it considered rude to send adult children STD's to their parents home, knowing that they no longer live at home? For some family drama reason my fiance and I are clueless about, my FMIL does not want to ask a relative for her two daughter's addresses. She says they can just get the STDs when they go home to visit parents. Am I being a stickler for pushing to get addresses? There is no wavering about them being invited, despite this drama. I know STDs are less formal, but our wedding is in popular beach town and we are sending them to majority of guest list.

Re: Adult children not living at home?

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    So what are you going to do for invitations - they have to go to their addresses. Why can't you/FI contact the relative for her daughters' addresses? That is what I would do.
  • This makes no sense.   

    When I moved out of my mom's home I didn't want to go there to get my mail.   It could have been a month or more before I drove to see them.
    poodledoodleoooOurWildKingdomcharlotte989875
  • kylexokylexo Finger Lakes, NY
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    member
    So if FMIL doesn't want to ask for the daughter's addresses herself....why can't your FI? I assume he's a grown up who can call or text or email or Facebook message these girls to get the information himself.
    OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueensmollybarker11
  • Yes, he is - when he asked for their mother's number to call himself, she told him she would "think about it." Even he seems confused about what the actual issue is. I wanted to avoid upsetting FMIL by going around her but seems unavoidable at this point. We will just have to find some means of getting in touch with them on our own.
  • I would encourage your FI to get the number or reconsider inviting them.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    If your FI can't get the number and there's no other way to get it than from an uncooperative FMIL, I think you need to leave them off your guest list.

    Are they on social media?
  • Maybe I'm missing something.....but I don't understand why not being able to get their address means that they should no longer be invited? (Obviously they can't be invited if you don't know how to get the information to them). But, I mean, I know it's not proper but if they get the invitation via their mom, at least they'd get the invitation still? Why does their moms drama with FMIL mean they can't come? 
    OurWildKingdom
  • Ironring said:
    Maybe I'm missing something.....but I don't understand why not being able to get their address means that they should no longer be invited? (Obviously they can't be invited if you don't know how to get the information to them). But, I mean, I know it's not proper but if they get the invitation via their mom, at least they'd get the invitation still? Why does their moms drama with FMIL mean they can't come? 
    I think my thoughts are that if it is that much of a deal to get the address and OP doesn't seem to have a relationship where they could call up/Facebook the adult children, perhaps inviting them isn't necessary. You can't be that close if you don't have a way to contact the adult children without going through the parents.
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Why can't FI go direct?
    image
  • Yes you should be sending these people their own invitation. I don't live my parents, I would think it extremely odd if someone sent me mail to one of my parents' house. It would make me wonder if I was a second thought, and that the B&G didn't really want me there.

    Can your FI call this relative directly? Can you find the adult children on FB and ask for their address? Does FI have a cousin who can point him in the right direction?

    These are your guests, thus if FMIL is being uncooperative, then you have no choice but to go around her.
    charlotte989875
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Honestly, if you have no means of getting in touch with these people outside of going through parents, I don't understand why they're invited at all. I get family. I have dozens of cousins, and over 100 second cousins. I don't even know some of their names, much less their spouses; and forget about the children. 

    Still, if they aren't close enough that you can call/text/facebook them, I don't see why they belong on your guest list. Err on the side of selective STDs for now. If you can't find contact info in time for invitations, it's time to ask yourself why they need a spot on the list. 
    SP29
  • Being a stickler can be a good thing! You're totally right to want to send their STDs to these women directly.

    I cast another vote for your FI contacting the daughters himself to ask for their addresses. If they are not on social media or in the phone book, he will have to contact the initial relative or some other relative who may have their info. Your FMIL isn't willing to help and it's not her job to do so so don't risk involving yourself in the drama by pushing her.

    Unless these women have dropped off the grid to live in the woods I have full faith in your FI's ability to track them down haha!

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards