New York-Long Island

OMG My mother is driving me insane!

hey girls, ok so i need a serious vent session regarding my mother. My fiance and i got engaged in Costa Maya, Mexico in August on a cruise we took with my parents and from day 1...actually from hour 1 my mother has been a complete nightmare to deal with. First, she looks at my engagement ring, had nothing nice to say and instead said that if her 3 diamonds were combined on her ring into one itd be bigger then mine. My fiance almost died after hearing that especially since my ring cost him half his annuity and almost a third of his yearly salary. And the funny thing is,...my parents love my fiance so its not like she was trying to be like that to be snotty or rude....she i think is just really jealous.

 Next came the fighting over and engagement party.  We wanted to have a BBQ late last year and have everyone come to NY and celebrate. But Because she was so stubborn about not having it in NY where i live, we cancelled it because she went on and on about how her and my grandmother needed surgery...yet  2 days after surgery, she was on her way to Dover Downs Speedway to watch a nascar race...even though we put money down and were going to pay for it ourselves, she still pushed me to cancel it.
 My fiance and i are paying for our entire wedding ourselves. My mother once upon a time offered to buy my dress and that is and was fine with me.
My mother tried convincing us to have something small and at town hall, but i waited a long time for this and wasnt going to just let it go by without some sort of wedding i wanted. and i understood every penny was our responsibility and so i have not asked nor suggested for any money from my family at all. She calls me high maintenance and a Prima Donna and tells me that my taste is too expensive. Mind you my wedding is costing us 25K and thats it. I know people who were 4 times that. 
 I am livid that she keeps trying to make things convenient for her and doesnt give a crap about anything i want.

Call me bridezilla, but i am at the end of my rope with my mother. I cant tell her to just butt out because thats my mother...but i dont think she has the right to tell me what to do when she isnt paying the bill. Everything is all about her...her dress, her entrance, etc. she is coming to visit in 2 weeks to looks for dresses for me..which i already have it picked out....but once she heard the price, she threw a hissy fit about it and made me call a bunch of places to find it cheaper. I finally found a place who had the dress for $1000 and she is still complaining (got it down from $1400 for her and got the alterations added for free). Shes already asking me if we could go look for her dress. so ...im ready to spend the whole weekend catering to her again and probably wont get my dress. :( 

The latest and greatest thing is , last night i get a call from my best friend and maid of honor telling me that my mother Facebooked her and sent her a note about my shower. basically the note said that my mother knows that i dont want my shower in NJ (because i live at exit 72 in long island, 3.5 hrs from my parents) and that my mother basically doesnt care. she wants it in NJ. Not to mention that my mother in law is being left out of the loop which i dont like. My mother wants the shower in like 3 months....but im not getting married until May 2012. UGH!!!!!!
 My mother is telling my maid of honor that my MOH is responsible for the shower...and that my mother will be there to help out but that she wants it in NJ and that i dont get to plan my shower and so its where my MOH and mother decide.  My MOH doesnt have a lot of money which i told my mother and i feel bad that my mother is pushing her into doing the shower too when she just doesnt have the money.  My fiances mom already thought the parents would throw the shower and let my MOH do the bachelorette so that she isnt left with all the financial burdon.  plus neither family is giving us any money toward the wedding anyway.

I cant believe that my planning has turned into a complete and utter nightmare. They need to really make a momzilla show...because my mother is so rediculous it would be sheer entertainment to watch i am sure.  But in the meantime...she is ruining everything....i havent slept in weeks and keep having nightmares about my wedding. this is NOT how things should be.

Thoughts, input, ...sanity advice???? UGH!

Re: OMG My mother is driving me insane!

  • edited December 2011
    my mom started like that (almost) the second i got engaged too. i think its cause shes had this grand idea in her head of what my wedding would look like and once she heard that our idea of our wedding was nothing at all like her idea she'd have her bitch moments. it would annoy the hell outta me. 
    i had to end up having a serious sit down with her and explain that we are paying for this wedding and we will be planning it the way we want. if there is anything she would like to suggest we will listen but she cannot be upset if we do not take her suggestion.
    there have still be moments that shes said stuff like "oh i dont like that" and i simply say "ooo well you got over a year to get used to it" otherwise we keep most of the details to ourselves.
    dont let your mom take over your wedding. unless shes willing to chip in shes got no say. this is you and your FH's day and you should be able to enjoy this whole time and know on the day of its what you want.  
    i think you should have a serious talk with your mom and explain how shes making you feel.
    Oct. 2012 Siggy E-Rings Photobucket Wedding Countdown Ticker Anniversary
  • alithebridealithebride member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    yeah-here's the thing. if someone is throwing you a party-engagement or shower-THEY plan it and THEY get to dictate where it is. you don't throw yourself those parties. honestly-that's not a hill to die on-go to your shower and enjoy it. it's not the end of the world. you need to stay OUT of it between your MOH and your mom about your shower. your MOH has a mouth and can tell your mom exactly how much she can contribute (if any). since your mom is throwing it she'l have to deal with it. stay OUT OF IT!!!
    as for her dress-let HER choose it. it's her dress and HER buget. to me you're being the crazy one with that.
    as for everything else-who cares what she wants? it's your wedding and, since she's not contributing financially, she gets onyl as much say as you allow her to have. put your foot down. the next time she says she thinks you should have something small your answer needs to be 'this isn't up for discussion' and move on to another topic. keep doing that.

    also-seeing how she's being-why on EARTH would you allow her to help you choose your dress? just so she can pay? is it worth the ordeal? to me-nope. i'd much rather suck it up, pay for my own dress and be free and clear of any kind of drama about it-like she's created with the other stuff.

     

  • XxKrazy4uXxKrazy4u member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I dont mind what dress she chooses...i dont care if she comes to the wedding in a circus tent...thats not what i meant...think i might have worded it wrong.
     What i meant was...we planned the weekend for her to come visit  (Which in the 8 yrs i have lived in NY she has visited one time) and she was supposed to be coming because she wanted to pay for my dress and see it in person, not for us to go dress shopping for her. i know though she wants my opinion on her dress and thats fine. but i made the weekend appointment for me...not her.

     she had once upon a time said, "Donna if you ever get married, i will buy your dress"...so i took her up on the offer and we made plans for March 11...i will let everyone know how that one goes. LOL

     but had i known it was going to be a huge ordeal i would have said screw it. i even budgeted accordingly because i knew my mother wasnt going to let me get what i wanted and fight me on it...so rather then have a dress i did not want...i have the money ..just in case. but im giving her the benefit of the doubt with this one.  Her dress she could get anywhere..but she wants to go look on the weekend we were going to go try on the few dresses i narrowed my choice down to for me. like i said,,...i have the one in my mind that is "the dress"....but convincing her to pay the $1000 for it has been nightmarish.

    Honestly the thing about doing teh shower in NJ is that every one of my friends and my fiances family lives here. No where near NJ. only 8 people are in NJ. im thinking on the practical side where im saying, why inconvenience 60 people when 8 people can come here instead and also stay up here.

    all my life ive done nothing but travel to NJ...visiting family, being there when i was needed, traveling to other family events. i feel like my mother is just being lazy and stubborn because she doesnt want to drive 3 hrs to come up here. she would rather 60 people travel down there instead...and to me thats stupid.
    Shes wanted me to have everything in NJ and i dont live there which means id have to lug everything back with me and also i have no where to stay in NJ (my parents house i sleep on the couch when i visit)...and i would much rather prefer everything being here then me having to travel ...yet again....which i always do. I would LOVEEEEE LOVE LOVE to stay out of it...but my maid of honor knew that what my mom wanted to do wasnt what i wanted.

    Not to mention....where is my mother in law in all of this....my mom refuses to even include her because my mother in law lives here in NY and knows she will push for a shower here.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I felt at time that people weren't listening to what I want - some still aren't, however, you must keep in site what exactly will come out of all of this - you marring the man you are in love with. Try to keep that in mind, and perhaps, it'll just make it all slightly better.


    Good luck, and if you need to vent - this is the perfect place :)
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • XxKrazy4uXxKrazy4u member
    100 Comments
    edited December 2011
    ^^^ everyday i think about our day and how happy i am to have him and it makes things better. its what keeps me going
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_new-york-long-island_omg-mother-driving-insane?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:120Discussion:58ba206b-dcbd-4cd8-901a-6d4ff165a249Post:7435a159-9b22-4bb1-bf5a-e5f109bda208">Re: OMG My mother is driving me insane!</a>:
    [QUOTE]^^^ everyday i think about our day and how happy i am to have him and it makes things better. its what keeps me going
    Posted by XxKrazy4u[/QUOTE]

    LOVE THIS
    BabyFruit Ticker
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