Chit Chat

NWR- starting a family

 Any younger couples just starting out on their own finding the idea of having children financially overwhelming or is it just me (and my FI). 
FI and I have had many conversations about children after we are married. (Ideally, 2-3 years after. We are getting married this fall). However, I don't see this as being possible as we are both just starting out in our careers. I will need to go back to grad school (a 2-3 year deal, then however many years of debt after). And the way his job works, it could be years before he starts making a sufficient income. We can't even afford a pet currently on our salary. 
By the time we both are settled in our careers, we could be well into our mid 30s-early 40s. 
I don't want to parent at that age. 

Anyone else share this struggle? 
Greenjinjo
«1

Re: NWR- starting a family

  • People have children on all sorts of income levels. I understand waiting some time but you don't need to be fully settled into your career and you don't need to have paid off your loans and there's no rule you have to stick with your current career choices. 
    short+sassymonkeysipCasadena
  • We just got married last month and it's a topic we've discussed. I'm 30 and he's 33. He wants kids like the day before yesterday and I want to feel way more ready for it and cross a few more things off my bucket list before I have a lifelong priority over myself. Realistically we'll maybe start trying in 2-3 years, but the stress of student loans and the tick tock of my internal clock worry me. He doesn't want to be an old dad either. Also we have nieces and nephews who we'd want our kids to be remotely close in age to.

    It's really a ton to think about and super overwhelming. All this is assuming we don't run into any fertility issues! I don't think most people ever truly feel ready for it. I guess at some point you just have to go for it. Not sure when it'll be that time for me, either.
    PaperTigersxSP29
  • I think it's wise to be somewhat financially prepared, but people of all income levels have kids, planned and unplanned, and find a way to manage. If you want kids, make a financial plan and some educational goals, and see what you can manage. Some sacrifice may be involved.  
    Mid-30's isn't too old to become a parent. Neither is mid-40's. But if you don't want to parent "at that age" and you don't feel ready now... well you're between a rock and a hard place, aren't you. 

    Every area has different costs of living. The most important thing for us is researching day care costs and having a budget to afford that, because both of us want to keep working. Other people figure out that it makes more financial sense for one person to quit paid work and stay at home to care for kids. I haven't heard of anyone for whom becoming a parent didn't involve some sacrifice- whether it was a job, living in a certain area, cutting hobbies, etc. 
    ________________________________


    PaperTigersxcharlotte989875
  • People have children on all sorts of income levels. I understand waiting some time but you don't need to be fully settled into your career and you don't need to have paid off your loans and there's no rule you have to stick with your current career choices. 
    While I understand making it work on different income levels, I struggle to see how we could do it when we can't even get a bird haha. 

    Unfortunately, the career I'm in now seems to work the best for me. I'm afraid to start all over. But once I finish school, more work opportunities will open up. And it's a job I can get anywhere which is nice. It will be worth the time/money. 
  • I think it's wise to be somewhat financially prepared, but people of all income levels have kids, planned and unplanned, and find a way to manage. If you want kids, make a financial plan and some educational goals, and see what you can manage. Some sacrifice may be involved.  
    Mid-30's isn't too old to become a parent. Neither is mid-40's. But if you don't want to parent "at that age" and you don't feel ready now... well you're between a rock and a hard place, aren't you. 

    Every area has different costs of living. The most important thing for us is researching day care costs and having a budget to afford that, because both of us want to keep working. Other people figure out that it makes more financial sense for one person to quit paid work and stay at home to care for kids. I haven't heard of anyone for whom becoming a parent didn't involve some sacrifice- whether it was a job, living in a certain area, cutting hobbies, etc. 
    we do plan on relocating to a cheaper area when the time comes. Probably somewhere closer to family to help with the cost of childcare. 
    Maybe I'll get lucky and it will make more sense for me to stay at home to take care of our kid(s). That's always been my ideal. But we couldn't afford rent currently if I were to do so. 

    I I think you're right about making some financial goals. We've been cutting back on a lot of things recently to grow our savings. But maybe having a firm number in mind may help us a little more. 
    short+sassy
  • People have children on all sorts of income levels. I understand waiting some time but you don't need to be fully settled into your career and you don't need to have paid off your loans and there's no rule you have to stick with your current career choices. 
    While I understand making it work on different income levels, I struggle to see how we could do it when we can't even get a bird haha. 

    Unfortunately, the career I'm in now seems to work the best for me. I'm afraid to start all over. But once I finish school, more work opportunities will open up. And it's a job I can get anywhere which is nice. It will be worth the time/money. 
    If a baby turned up on your doorstep, and you couldn't return it, you'd figure out how to care for it on your current income. People do every day. 
    theycallmelinzDrillSergeantCat
  • People have children on all sorts of income levels. I understand waiting some time but you don't need to be fully settled into your career and you don't need to have paid off your loans and there's no rule you have to stick with your current career choices. 
    While I understand making it work on different income levels, I struggle to see how we could do it when we can't even get a bird haha. 

    Unfortunately, the career I'm in now seems to work the best for me. I'm afraid to start all over. But once I finish school, more work opportunities will open up. And it's a job I can get anywhere which is nice. It will be worth the time/money. 
    If a baby turned up on your doorstep, and you couldn't return it, you'd figure out how to care for it on your current income. People do every day. 
    Well, hopefully that's not something that happens haha. We're barely making it work now and I'd rather be prepared. (We are both unable to have children, so we have to plan it out anyhow.)

    thats another concern of mine.  Meeting income standards for adoption agencies. Haven't quite gotten to the step of identifying an agency. 
  • I don't think it would be a bad idea for you to talk with a financial planner.
    Never thought about that. Thank you! 
    MissKittyDanger
  • People have children on all sorts of income levels. I understand waiting some time but you don't need to be fully settled into your career and you don't need to have paid off your loans and there's no rule you have to stick with your current career choices. 
    While I understand making it work on different income levels, I struggle to see how we could do it when we can't even get a bird haha. 

    Unfortunately, the career I'm in now seems to work the best for me. I'm afraid to start all over. But once I finish school, more work opportunities will open up. And it's a job I can get anywhere which is nice. It will be worth the time/money. 
    If a baby turned up on your doorstep, and you couldn't return it, you'd figure out how to care for it on your current income. People do every day. 
    Well, hopefully that's not something that happens haha. We're barely making it work now and I'd rather be prepared. (We are both unable to have children, so we have to plan it out anyhow.)

    thats another concern of mine.  Meeting income standards for adoption agencies. Haven't quite gotten to the step of identifying an agency. 
    Definitely meet with a financial planner, and also look into foster-to-adopt programs! If you're open to adopting an older child (and sometimes that means even a few months old, not necessarily an adolescent), foster-to-adopt can be a great, low-cost option. I have known people who actually adopted infants through foster-to-adopt. The costs to you are minimal.

    Also, maybe look into jobs that offer adoption reimbursement. It wouldn't cover the whole cost, most likely, but a lot of employers will reimburse you part of it (for example, my work would reimburse $3k if we adopted, H's would reimburse $5k).

    Considering the adoption process can take years sometimes, it would not hurt to start some research now. It doesn't mean you'll be on the hook for the whole cost immediately, or that you need to meet the income requirements RIGHT NOW, but it would probably be good to talk to someone to get a better sense of what's in store. It may also offer you some peace of mind about the costs.

    Not that it's exactly the same, but H and I thought we were going to have to do IVF to get pregnant. The costs are astronomical, similar to conventional adoption. It turns out there are a lot of financing options for IVF, and while it would have left us with some debt, we would have worked it out. (Turned out we didn't need to do fertility treatment in the end, which we found out just in time to cancel our IVF loan, but that's another story.) Point is, there are ways to make it work. I don't think a lot of people ever feel ready for kids (H and I included!), but eventually, if you want them, you just have to take a leap of faith and make some sacrifices.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    charlotte989875PaperTigersxvikinganna87short+sassy
  • The decision to have a child is between you and your partner; I would never tell a woman she should or should not have a child. I will say that a human is more expensive than a bird and if you're struggling to do that now, maybe waiting until you're more comfortable with your financial situation to start the process is a choice for you. In addition to meeting with a financial planner, I would recommend meeting with couples that have adopted or foster to adopted, or an agency to get an idea about the costs, when you would need to provide financial information, and what this entails. Gathering information is good.
    vikinganna87madamerwin
  • Old lady here. Yes, kids are expensive. and no you are never ready be it financially, physically or emotionally. People can tell you what it is like but you never know until you are there. That being said, I had been working for about 2.5 years in a medical research facility before having DD. We still had undergrad (for me and H) and grad (H) school loans which wouldn't be paid off for another 6 years. I went back to work when DD was 3 months old. DS1 was born 3 years later and DS2 4 years after that. We made financial goals and didn't buy/do somethings in order to support our family (I stayed home after DS1). I wouldn't have done it any other way. If you (general you) wait until you can afford a child most people would never have one. Best of luck looking into the adoption process. DD and SIL may end up going that route if fertility treatments don't work. 
  • Definitely meet with a financial planner, and also look into foster-to-adopt programs! If you're open to adopting an older child (and sometimes that means even a few months old, not necessarily an adolescent), foster-to-adopt can be a great, low-cost option. I have known people who actually adopted infants through foster-to-adopt. The costs to you are minimal.

    Also, maybe look into jobs that offer adoption reimbursement. It wouldn't cover the whole cost, most likely, but a lot of employers will reimburse you part of it (for example, my work would reimburse $3k if we adopted, H's would reimburse $5k).

    Considering the adoption process can take years sometimes, it would not hurt to start some research now. It doesn't mean you'll be on the hook for the whole cost immediately, or that you need to meet the income requirements RIGHT NOW, but it would probably be good to talk to someone to get a better sense of what's in store. It may also offer you some peace of mind about the costs.

    Not that it's exactly the same, but H and I thought we were going to have to do IVF to get pregnant. The costs are astronomical, similar to conventional adoption. It turns out there are a lot of financing options for IVF, and while it would have left us with some debt, we would have worked it out. (Turned out we didn't need to do fertility treatment in the end, which we found out just in time to cancel our IVF loan, but that's another story.) Point is, there are ways to make it work. I don't think a lot of people ever feel ready for kids (H and I included!), but eventually, if you want them, you just have to take a leap of faith and make some sacrifices.
    Thank you! I didn't know about adoption reimbursement. I will have to look into that. I never really thought of financing an adoption either. 

    i eventually do want to be involved in fostering, but probably not until we're older and our children are older too. I've always wanted to foster and maybe foster-to-adopt older children. I know that can be very emotionally taxing and I don't think I'm in the emotional state to be looking into that. I worked at a foster care agency for a little while and I think fostering an older child while also working in that field can lead to very early burn out. And I wouldn't want to resent having a foster child. But maybe if they were still an infant. 
  • I agree with PPs that, while it's great to have a nice cushy financial safety net, people of all incomes make it work all the time. A financial planner can definitely help you figure out what you can cut to start saving money etc.

    I also think the more unpleasant reality of this dilemma is you can't have everything, so you need to figure out what's most important in really stark terms. If you sat down and realized you could never raise a kid the way you want to on the salaries you make at these jobs, what's more important- staying in these jobs or having a kid? Would you rather not have a kid at all than have one in your mid-30s? If there's a chance you're going to stay home with a kid anyway, is it worth going back to school now? The reality is almost no one gets to have exactly the work life and exactly the family life they want, so this is just a more extreme version of making those hard choices.

    FWIW, H and I are also thinking of starting a family in the next few years and it does feel very overwhelming at times, so you're not alone!
    STARMOON44madamerwin
  • Obviously you'd make it work if you absolutely had to, but right now you don't and it's good that you're thinking about finances. Babies are fucking expensive even if you're really conscious and frugal.

    If you can't afford a bird right now, you're probably right, now is likely not the best time to have a kid. But I don't think you have to be totally debt free to have a kid. You just have to be able to afford the shit you need to parent the kid - including child care costs, health insurance with a deductible/co-pays/etc. you can afford when things go wrong, supplies, etc. If you can afford all that stuff while keeping up with student loans/car payments/whatever, I don't think you have to wait until you're 40.

    *********************************************************************************

    image
    ILoveBeachMusicSTARMOON44SP29
  • Definitely meet with a financial planner, and also look into foster-to-adopt programs! If you're open to adopting an older child (and sometimes that means even a few months old, not necessarily an adolescent), foster-to-adopt can be a great, low-cost option. I have known people who actually adopted infants through foster-to-adopt. The costs to you are minimal.

    Also, maybe look into jobs that offer adoption reimbursement. It wouldn't cover the whole cost, most likely, but a lot of employers will reimburse you part of it (for example, my work would reimburse $3k if we adopted, H's would reimburse $5k).

    Considering the adoption process can take years sometimes, it would not hurt to start some research now. It doesn't mean you'll be on the hook for the whole cost immediately, or that you need to meet the income requirements RIGHT NOW, but it would probably be good to talk to someone to get a better sense of what's in store. It may also offer you some peace of mind about the costs.

    Not that it's exactly the same, but H and I thought we were going to have to do IVF to get pregnant. The costs are astronomical, similar to conventional adoption. It turns out there are a lot of financing options for IVF, and while it would have left us with some debt, we would have worked it out. (Turned out we didn't need to do fertility treatment in the end, which we found out just in time to cancel our IVF loan, but that's another story.) Point is, there are ways to make it work. I don't think a lot of people ever feel ready for kids (H and I included!), but eventually, if you want them, you just have to take a leap of faith and make some sacrifices.
    Thank you! I didn't know about adoption reimbursement. I will have to look into that. I never really thought of financing an adoption either. 

    i eventually do want to be involved in fostering, but probably not until we're older and our children are older too. I've always wanted to foster and maybe foster-to-adopt older children. I know that can be very emotionally taxing and I don't think I'm in the emotional state to be looking into that. I worked at a foster care agency for a little while and I think fostering an older child while also working in that field can lead to very early burn out. And I wouldn't want to resent having a foster child. But maybe if they were still an infant. 


    My H was put into the foster care system when he was 2.  He was adopted when he was 4.  He has almost no memories of his life before he was placed with his family.  His foster family had wanted to adopt him, but they were ineligible for some reason.

    Although he doesn't really remember them, he has always wished he could find them.  And thank them for taking him in and loving him when he was so little and abandoned.

    Needless to say, I'm a big fan of foster-to-adopt or adopting of older children.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    ILoveBeachMusicmadamerwinSP29
  • I agree with PPs that, while it's great to have a nice cushy financial safety net, people of all incomes make it work all the time. A financial planner can definitely help you figure out what you can cut to start saving money etc.

    I also think the more unpleasant reality of this dilemma is you can't have everything, so you need to figure out what's most important in really stark terms. If you sat down and realized you could never raise a kid the way you want to on the salaries you make at these jobs, what's more important- staying in these jobs or having a kid? Would you rather not have a kid at all than have one in your mid-30s? If there's a chance you're going to stay home with a kid anyway, is it worth going back to school now? The reality is almost no one gets to have exactly the work life and exactly the family life they want, so this is just a more extreme version of making those hard choices.

    FWIW, H and I are also thinking of starting a family in the next few years and it does feel very overwhelming at times, so you're not alone!
    I've always wanted to be a stay at home mom, but the reality is, we can't afford rent without both of us working.  I wouldn't be going back to school if it wouldn't benefit us financially in the long (long, long, long) run. southernbelle0915 said:

    Obviously you'd make it work if you absolutely had to, but right now you don't and it's good that you're thinking about finances. Babies are fucking expensive even if you're really conscious and frugal.

    If you can't afford a bird right now, you're probably right, now is likely not the best time to have a kid. But I don't think you have to be totally debt free to have a kid. You just have to be able to afford the shit you need to parent the kid - including child care costs, health insurance with a deductible/co-pays/etc. you can afford when things go wrong, supplies, etc. If you can afford all that stuff while keeping up with student loans/car payments/whatever, I don't think you have to wait until you're 40.

    This is true. It's just scary for me because I've always lived pay check to pay check. I don't want to raise a child like that. My parents somehow managed to pay off their debts before having me and have never lived in debt. I want a life like that, but it's almost impossible to do that these days. (Even now, my parents still have 0 debt. But they're also older and adopted me when they were older)

    Definitely meet with a financial planner, and also look into foster-to-adopt programs! If you're open to adopting an older child (and sometimes that means even a few months old, not necessarily an adolescent), foster-to-adopt can be a great, low-cost option. I have known people who actually adopted infants through foster-to-adopt. The costs to you are minimal.

    Also, maybe look into jobs that offer adoption reimbursement. It wouldn't cover the whole cost, most likely, but a lot of employers will reimburse you part of it (for example, my work would reimburse $3k if we adopted, H's would reimburse $5k).

    Considering the adoption process can take years sometimes, it would not hurt to start some research now. It doesn't mean you'll be on the hook for the whole cost immediately, or that you need to meet the income requirements RIGHT NOW, but it would probably be good to talk to someone to get a better sense of what's in store. It may also offer you some peace of mind about the costs.

    Not that it's exactly the same, but H and I thought we were going to have to do IVF to get pregnant. The costs are astronomical, similar to conventional adoption. It turns out there are a lot of financing options for IVF, and while it would have left us with some debt, we would have worked it out. (Turned out we didn't need to do fertility treatment in the end, which we found out just in time to cancel our IVF loan, but that's another story.) Point is, there are ways to make it work. I don't think a lot of people ever feel ready for kids (H and I included!), but eventually, if you want them, you just have to take a leap of faith and make some sacrifices.
    Thank you! I didn't know about adoption reimbursement. I will have to look into that. I never really thought of financing an adoption either. 

    i eventually do want to be involved in fostering, but probably not until we're older and our children are older too. I've always wanted to foster and maybe foster-to-adopt older children. I know that can be very emotionally taxing and I don't think I'm in the emotional state to be looking into that. I worked at a foster care agency for a little while and I think fostering an older child while also working in that field can lead to very early burn out. And I wouldn't want to resent having a foster child. But maybe if they were still an infant. 


    My H was put into the foster care system when he was 2.  He was adopted when he was 4.  He has almost no memories of his life before he was placed with his family.  His foster family had wanted to adopt him, but they were ineligible for some reason.

    Although he doesn't really remember them, he has always wished he could find them.  And thank them for taking him in and loving him when he was so little and abandoned.

    Needless to say, I'm a big fan of foster-to-adopt or adopting of older children.

    That's such a sweet story, even if he can't find that family. Has he tried contacting the Agency he was placed through? That might not even help though considering most places are just recently switching to electronic documentation.  
    I just fear getting the bad cases. I've worked with little
    toddlers (even age 2) where foster families couldn't keep them because they were a danger to their own children or children they were around (nursery, daycare, etc)
    one day I pray I am able to reach out to those children and give them a loving home no matter what. But at this point in time, I'm not ready. (I hate how selfish that sounds, but I'm also a huge advocate of not fostering until you can handle it. I've seen too many children placed and removed because the parents weren't prepared or able to handle Their foster child's challenges.) 


    overall, I'm glad to know I am not the only one who struggles with these choices. I just want to give 
     my my future child(ren) the life I had (and better). 
    Greenjinjo short+sassySP29
  • What is wrong with having children in your mid thirties to early forties?  My daughter was 33 with Grandson #1, and almost 36 with Grandson #2.  They are both healthy, gorgeous, and live in a beautiful, but modest neighborhood.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    STARMOON44SP29
  • CMGragain said:
    What is wrong with having children in your mid thirties to early forties?  My daughter was 33 with Grandson #1, and almost 36 with Grandson #2.  They are both healthy, gorgeous, and live in a beautiful, but modest neighborhood.
    I am not against families who do this. 
    My sister was born/raised when my parents were in their 20's. She got their energetic years. By the time they had me mid 30s, they didn't do as many things with me as they were both beginning to have mobility issues and the energy wasn't there. 
    If life was perfect, I would have had children at 21. But I really don't think I would want to start raising a child at 35. 
    Also, my coworkers that had children later in life wish they hadn't at their age (obviously they still love their children. It's just an energy thing). 
  • CMGragain said:
    What is wrong with having children in your mid thirties to early forties?  My daughter was 33 with Grandson #1, and almost 36 with Grandson #2.  They are both healthy, gorgeous, and live in a beautiful, but modest neighborhood.
    I am not against families who do this. 
    My sister was born/raised when my parents were in their 20's. She got their energetic years. By the time they had me mid 30s, they didn't do as many things with me as they were both beginning to have mobility issues and the energy wasn't there. 
    If life was perfect, I would have had children at 21. But I really don't think I would want to start raising a child at 35. 
    Also, my coworkers that had children later in life wish they hadn't at their age (obviously they still love their children. It's just an energy thing). 
    I don't consider mid 30s old for having children in this day and age. My Mom was almost 35 when I was born, 39 when brother was born. Dad was 41 and 45. When I was born, this was considered really old to be having children. They kept up with us just fine. Dad always loved being around people younger than him. He said it kept him young. I think it is very much affected by attitude. 
    PaperTigersxSP29
  • CMGragain said:
    What is wrong with having children in your mid thirties to early forties?  My daughter was 33 with Grandson #1, and almost 36 with Grandson #2.  They are both healthy, gorgeous, and live in a beautiful, but modest neighborhood.
    Sometimes health. Not always, but occasionally there are times where age affects the health. A friend of mine has 2 kids and the dr said if she had waited until she was older {she had them in early 20s} there would be health concerns because she had/has cysts on her ovaries.
  • I'm guessing you're around your early to mid 20's? I'm making that assumption based on your comments of having kids at the "old" lifestage of 30's. Having kids in your 30's is really not an issue at all. I just turned 32, and if H and I decide on having kids it won't be for another year or 2, and we don't have any issues with that. Just because you turn 30 it doesn't mean that you will suddenly have mobility issues and will be sapped of all your energy. Like Climbing above said, I'm also more active now than when I was in my 20's. If there was a time for us to have kids, it would definitely be now that we are in our 30's. 

    Now in terms of being financially ready, I agree with you on that. Personally, I would want to get rid of my personal debt before having a child, but like others said, you can have a child at any income level, and still have a comfortable life. Both my parents came to this country in their late teen years and had to struggle to learn the language, graduate high school in this country, and attend and graduate college. They had me when they were in their mid 20's, before either of them graduated college, in fact I don't think they had even started college when I was born. Even though I didn't have a childhood filled with luxuries, my parents sacrificed a lot in order to give me a comfortable and fun childhood. Looking back, I don't know how they did it, but I am extremely appreciative. They sacrificed a lot, and made very responsible financial and career decisions. Ideally, we would have it all. Career, finances, and family. For the majority of us, it's a sacrifice game. If having kids is very important to you both, speak with a financial advisor, and maybe think of exploring different career options that will give you the financial independence you will need.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

    charlotte989875STARMOON44thisismynickname2SP29
  • CMGragain said:
    What is wrong with having children in your mid thirties to early forties?  My daughter was 33 with Grandson #1, and almost 36 with Grandson #2.  They are both healthy, gorgeous, and live in a beautiful, but modest neighborhood.
    Sometimes health. Not always, but occasionally there are times where age affects the health. A friend of mine has 2 kids and the dr said if she had waited until she was older {she had them in early 20s} there would be health concerns because she had/has cysts on her ovaries.
    That would probably make it more difficult to get parent not be a parent.
  • I think your concept of parenting in your 30s is pretty narrow minded and really kinda offensive. 
    I never said anything against it. For me personally, I'd rather be younger as growing up with my parents, I feel I missed out on a lot of things they couldn't do with me, but did with my sister. They also have admitted they weren't able to do as many things with me. 

    CMGragain said:
    What is wrong with having children in your mid thirties to early forties?  My daughter was 33 with Grandson #1, and almost 36 with Grandson #2.  They are both healthy, gorgeous, and live in a beautiful, but modest neighborhood.
    I am not against families who do this. 
    My sister was born/raised when my parents were in their 20's. She got their energetic years. By the time they had me mid 30s, they didn't do as many things with me as they were both beginning to have mobility issues and the energy wasn't there. 
    If life was perfect, I would have had children at 21. But I really don't think I would want to start raising a child at 35. 
    Also, my coworkers that had children later in life wish they hadn't at their age (obviously they still love their children. It's just an energy thing). 
    Ok, this is incredibly offensive. 

    My parents had both me and my brother in their 30s. We were all extremely active. We all did active things together often - swimming, biking, hiking. You name it, we did it. Most of our vacations included active things. When my parents were both 45, they took us on vacation where were went white water rafting for the first time. We continued rafting for many years - the last time my parents went they were in their early 60s. And I'm not talking class 1 rapids. I'm talking intense class 5 rapids. My parents still to this day hike and ride motorcycles every month. 

    On top of doing all these active things with us, they carted me and my brother around to every single activity we did: dance classes, piano lessons, dirtbiking, softball, baseball, basketball, just to name a few. 

    Next month I'm turning 36, and my husband is turning 43. We hike every weekend. We go rock climbing. My husband sails every week. I'm at the gym almost every day. We just renovated our entire first floor OURSELVES (we gutted the house just the two of us). We're planning a trip to go ziplining over Niagara Falls. Next September we're going on a hiking trip through Italy with our moms (who will both be 67 at the time of the trip). Does this sound to you like people that are slowing down? Actually, I'm more active in my 30s than I ever was in my 20s. 

    I also find it ridiculous that you think you can speak for all your coworkers that had children later in life. How absurd. It's fine to say you don't want to have children when you're old and useless in your 30s, but don't project that nonsense onto other people. 
    I was not projecting. That was a statement we have talked about quite regularly in our office
    (which has even gone so far as for several coworkers urging me to have kids now and not wait.)
      
    I think a lot has to do with how active you stay too. I am not one to do activities like this, but it's awesome you do! I have some medical issues going on that make it challenging for me to be active like that.

    I am going off what I know, my family  and my coworkers, 
    of course there are going to be people with different opinions and experiences than me. 

    I apogize for not wording my comments more carefully and over generalizing. 

  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2016
    You actually said a lot of things against it. 

    But yeah, if you make no money, can't afford a bird, have years to go before you have a real career, and refuse to consider kids in your 30s, whelp, guess you are screwed then. Or, you could get over it and actually listen to everyone who tells you that kids in your 30s can be perfectly fine and that you work it out. 
    climbingsingle
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards