What would you give your boss for a wedding gift?

kahluakoala

I am attending my bosses wedding in a few weeks and I'm trying to decide what to give as a gift. I'm attending with my SO. It's at a VERY upscale place and has a few events attached to it (hosted welcome party, wedding, and brunch). I know "pay for your plate" isn't a thing but I'm just trying to give context for the event, it will be very formal and very nice. It's local, so no hotel or travel. He's only been my boss for a few weeks (he's new, not me) and I believe extended the invite as a nice gesture. I don't want to appear cheap, but knowing he knows my salary makes me feel a little strange. I was going to give $200 but would also consider giving up to $250. Too much? too little? I'm not strapped for cash, so I can afford more (within reason of course) but I just want to give an appropriate gift. I have only been to weddings of very close friends and family members. So with those parameters I have given $150 if I attend solo and $200-250 if I attend with my SO.

What do you think?

STARMOON44

If $200 is your normal gift and what you are comfortable with I can't see how that would be inappropriate. I think $100 would be even better- he's not a close person to you, he's extending a nice courtesy, but I doubt your boss wants or expects a large gift. 

levioosa

$200 almost seems a little much, especially for someone you don't know well.  I agree with Starmoon that $100-150 would be better.  

ernursej

I do okay for salary and I only ever give $100 for a wedding gift. However, if that is what you would normally give, it might be appropriate.

lc07

It's true that there is no inappropriate amount to spend on a gift. But if I were you, I'd be thinking about this, too. This is one of the reasons why I think it's inappropriate for bosses to invite their subordinates to social events where gift giving is commonplace. It blurs business and personal too much for my comfort level and puts the gift giver in a potentially uncomfortable position of having to consider their job and future at that job when giving a gift. Which is gross.

Edited: to fix a word.

thisismynickname2

In this case, I wouldn't give cash. I'd pick a/some nice thing(s) off the registry and have it shipped per the registry. Harder to tell what you spent if you can get away with sales or coupons. 

There's something icky to me about giving my boss cash. I can't put my finger on it. 

MesmrEwe

I'd opt for something in the $100 range off of the registry (maybe silverware, or extra pieces for the set they registered for).  $200 for someone you don't know well yet just seems excessive IMO.  Obviously if your salary is around $1M, that's a bit different, but still a bit "too new" for wanting to spend a ton. 

charlotte989875

I agree with @thisismynickname; I'd be getting something off of the registry and not cash (even though we always give cash at weddings). It's something you know they will like and you can spend however much you like without feeling weird about it. Seems less personal in a way because you're just getting them something they have already picked out. A large cash gift ($200-250) would be something I give to close friends and family.

DrillSergeantCat

thisismynickname said:

In this case, I wouldn't give cash. I'd pick a/some nice thing(s) off the registry and have it shipped per the registry. Harder to tell what you spent if you can get away with sales or coupons. 

There's something icky to me about giving my boss cash. I can't put my finger on it. 

Because it's like giving your money back to the person who gave it to you? IDK, this whole situation is odd. Unless the boss was inviting other people from the department, he shouldn't have invited OP.

lnixon8

$100 gift card to a local restaurant? Same idea but (to me) seems better than a check, and since he is new to the area I'm sure he and his spouse will enjoy the recommendation!

pinkcow13

If it were my boss, I'd gift a bag of coal.

Honestly, it kinda sounds a bit gift grabby to me, especially if he has only been at the job for a few weeks.  This is such a weird situation. We usually give money, but it does seem weird to do so in this scenario. I guess we would just go for the standard amount that we give (so the amount that you are comfortable with), but I agree that it feels icky. I would not expect to be invited to the wedding of a new boss or coworker, so this seems odd to me I guess.

SaintPaulGal

I think $200 cash is both an excessive and an awkward gift for a new boss.  I think something in the $100 ish range from the registry would be more appropriate.  But of course it's up to you what you feel like giving.

Jen4948

If you normally give $200, then while it wouldn't be wrong etiquette-wise to give that much to your boss, it might be a little much for a new boss.

If he has a registry, you can give something off the registry that's affordable. Otherwise, I'd stick with the $100 range.

SP29

I would give a gift off the registry, if they have one. I agree, feels weird to give your boss cash.

Personally, I would give less than what you usually give. Yes, I give based off my budget and what I can afford, but I also give based on the relationship. You hardly know your boss (kinda weird he invited his staff for being so new), so I would go with something nice but reasonable.

ei34

I've never given anything but cash at a wedding, but this scenario may be my first exception.  A gift off the registry, or i really liked @lnixon8 's idea of a GC to a local restaurant (especially if he's new to the area in addition to being new to your office). 

jacques27

lc07 said:

It's true that there is no inappropriate amount to spend on a gift. But if I were you, I'd be thinking about this, too. This is one of the reasons why I think it's inappropriate for bosses to invite their subordinates to social events where gift giving is commonplace. It blurs business and personal too much for my comfort level and puts the gift giver in a potentially uncomfortable position of having to consider their job and future at that job when giving a gift. Which is gross.

Edited: to fix a word.

I couldn't get logged in on my phone, but this is similar to what I would have posted. 

1.  I think it was inappropriate for him to invite you in the first place.  If you had a close personal friendship outside of work (I'm pretty close to my boss), I could see it, but this really blurs the lines of superior/subordinate for such a new working relationship.

2.  I know that most people don't feel comfortable attending weddings without a gift and it's become the societal norm (even though not required), but generally speaking in the business world, gifts flow downward, not up (and for a very good reason).  I think it has the potential to be viewed by others in the workplace as an attempt for you to curry favor or leave lingering doubts.  It's why I don't think he should have invited you in the first place.

Is anyone else from work invited and attending?  I think it would be far more appropriate for the workplace attendees to pool their money and buy something off the registry together.  In absence of that, I would definitely go registry instead of cash and in the absence of a registry then something suitably generic like a Waterford picture frame or vase or ring holders or basically anything you see in the "registry" section of the store at Macy's in your price range. 

SP29

jacques27 said:

Is anyone else from work invited and attending?  I think it would be far more appropriate for the workplace attendees to pool their money and buy something off the registry together.  In absence of that, I would definitely go registry instead of cash and in the absence of a registry then something suitably generic like a Waterford picture frame or vase or ring holders or basically anything you see in the "registry" section of the store at Macy's in your price range. 

I agree with this, good idea!

kaos16

Is there an HR consideration here? I don't know anything about your company, but I do know that at my wedding there were a attorneys invited and a Judge.  Many did not give cash gifts because it can be seen as buying favor since we are both attorneys too.  The state actually regulates cash gifts.  Is there any policy in place about gift giving within your office?