Um this LW would think I'm the worst parent ever

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My parents are coming to town this week and I’m already losing sleep. When my son was 6 months old (he’s 3 now) my parents watched him for a couple of hours. When we returned we noticed five beer bottles in the recycling and some used wine glasses. If this had been a regular babysitter I would have fired them, but they are my parents. Since then I haven’t let them babysit together or at night, but they always offer. I’ve told my mom about my reluctance about a year ago and got an “I understand,” but no apology. I’m still mad that they could be so reckless. Do I need to get over this and let them babysit or is it worth another try explaining my hesitation for free babysitting?

—Should I Let My Parents Babysit?

charlotte989875

Did she ever have an actual conversation with her mother about what she was feeling?

Unless they were so drunk they couldn't care for the child (which doesn't sound like the case), I think she needs to get over this.

Also, she sounds pretty judgy.

mrsconn23

I would not drive after 5 beers or a bottle of wine, but if I drink that much over a few hours (3+)...I am not drunk. 

Shit, this coming weekend we'll probably start drinking at noon and keeping going until midnight (or later).  

glasgowtolondon

LW needs to look into removing stick from arse.

charlotte989875

I totally agree. And if it was 5 beers + wine between the two of them, it isn't that much per person over a few hours. And maybe one person had one beer and the rest were drank by the other. Maybe it was drank by one person entirely. Maybe they also had food and water and were not incapacitated.

The kid is fine, and I think LW is being ridiculous.

DrillSergeantCat

Unless they were drunk or putting the alcohol in the baby's bottle, LW is overreacting. However, I can understand why she was upset since she's (I'm assuming) a first time mom and they can often be overprotective. 

bleve0821

Um... okay.  

1.  Five bottles of beer in the recycling is not indicative of anything, least of all that 5 bottles of beer were consumed in the span of a couple of hours.  Those bottles could have been there before the kid was dropped off, or all consumed at any time in the past, not necessarily just between drop off and pickup.  I know in my house things do not make it to the recycling bin within minutes (or hours) of consumption.

2.  How does LW know that her parents didn't have a couple of friends over while the grandson was down for a nap?  Adults are allowed to have social lives, even if there is an infant in the house.  Maybe GM has a book club and bragged about the new grandson and her book club friends wanted to see the baby?

3.  It's been 3 years, and there's no mention in the letter that a) this is a recurring pattern of behavior, or b) that the parents drink to excess.

Good grief.  Maybe it's because I'm not a parent yet, but I think that Jump to Conclusions mat was pulled out much too early, and LW probably needs to either explain why she doesn't want the parents to babysit, or LET IT GO.

banana468

Where was the wine??  Were they drinking beer out of wine glasses?

Did she clarify her expectations that she didn't want them drinking??  

DH and I drink in front of the kids all the time.   I wouldn't be OK with my sitter doing this but when FIL has stayed in the house we are fine with him drinking.   I just need them on their game.  

kimmiinthemitten

LW sounds like one of those moms who was the first person ever to have a baby.

Unless there's a real reason to believe your parents are putting your child at risk, her actions are hurting her parents relationship with a grandchild, they clearly want to be closer to.

Heffalump

AtomicBlonde said:

2.  How does LW know that her parents didn't have a couple of friends over while the grandson was down for a nap?  Adults are allowed to have social lives, even if there is an infant in the house.  Maybe GM has a book club and bragged about the new grandson and her book club friends wanted to see the baby?

That was my thought, that they had people over.  Why would you have multiple used wine glasses?  Just refill the same one--fewer dishes, more time for drinking!

MissKittyDanger

Heffalump said:

AtomicBlonde said:

2.  How does LW know that her parents didn't have a couple of friends over while the grandson was down for a nap?  Adults are allowed to have social lives, even if there is an infant in the house.  Maybe GM has a book club and bragged about the new grandson and her book club friends wanted to see the baby?

That was my thought, that they had people over.  Why would you have multiple used wine glasses?  Just refill the same one--fewer dishes, more time for drinking!

Tbh I'd still have issues with this. They were at grandson's house, and I would be irked they invited people to my house without asking or mentioning.

DrillSergeantCat

MissKittyDanger said:

That was my thought, that they had people over.  Why would you have multiple used wine glasses?  Just refill the same one--fewer dishes, more time for drinking!

Tbh I'd still have issues with this. They were at grandson's house, and I would be irked they invited people to my house without asking or mentioning.

I would especially have issues with this.

MissKittyDanger

Were they drinking LW's alcohol? I'm feeling this is more breech of trust {LW could have been waiting to have a drink until she was able to} but I don't understand why she hasn't said anything in 3yrs.

If it were my family, I would ask about it. If they said "yes we had a couple drinks" then address it. If you don't feel comfortable, mention it - in a nice way. "I understand you weren't drunk/buzzed/etc, however I don't feel comfortable you drinking while watching my child. Next time can you not?"

DrillSergeantCat

MissKittyDanger said:

Were they drinking LW's alcohol? I'm feeling this is more breech of trust {LW could have been waiting to have a drink until she was able to} but I don't understand why she hasn't said anything in 3yrs.

If it were my family, I would ask about it. If they said "yes we had a couple drinks" then address it. If you don't feel comfortable, mention it - in a nice way. "I understand you weren't drunk/buzzed/etc, however I don't feel comfortable you drinking while watching my child. Next time can you not?"

Yes! I have a bottle of Lambic in the beer fridge that we were waiting for me to be able to have and I'd be pissed if someone drank it without asking. 

cupcait927

MissKittyDanger said:

Heffalump said:

AtomicBlonde said:

2.  How does LW know that her parents didn't have a couple of friends over while the grandson was down for a nap?  Adults are allowed to have social lives, even if there is an infant in the house.  Maybe GM has a book club and bragged about the new grandson and her book club friends wanted to see the baby?

That was my thought, that they had people over.  Why would you have multiple used wine glasses?  Just refill the same one--fewer dishes, more time for drinking!

Tbh I'd still have issues with this. They were at grandson's house, and I would be irked they invited people to my house without asking or mentioning.

It doesn't say specifically that they watched the grandson at the LW's house. It just says "when they returned", which could mean they returned to the grandparents' house to pick up their child.

 LW needs to get over it. She didn't say that her parents were visibly drunk or impaired and her son was fine. She's made her concerns known, now time to move on.

DrillSergeantCat

cupcait927 said:

It doesn't say specifically that they watched the grandson at the LW's house. It just says "when they returned", which could mean they returned to the grandparents' house to pick up their child.

 LW needs to get over it. She didn't say that her parents were visibly drunk or impaired and her son was fine. She's made her concerns known, now time to move on.

For sure! It's been 2.5 years at least. The child wasn't harmed. They weren't wasted. LW needs to Let it GO!

mrsconn23

The way the LW comes across in her letter, it's like she let them babysit, they drank alcohol, she said, "Hey, I'd appreciate if you don't drink when you watch my kid.", her mom was all, "Duly noted.", and then they haven't talked at all since?  I mean, really? 

I'm sure LW has talk to her mom since then.  I find it weird that she's harboring such anger after all this time.   There *has* to be other issues at play in her relationship with her parents.   Her letter sounds awfully cold and resentful ("I would have fired them!").  

OliveOilsMom

She would never allow my parents near her kid!  My parents have a few beers each day, especially in the summer when they are at their beach house (they are retired).  All of my nieces and nephews have been down to stay with Granny & Pop for a week or so at a time this summer.  The youngest one is 2 right now.  They have all survived!

Unless they were rip roaring drunk when LW came home, I think this is a case of the overreactions.

Story time: My grandpop lived with my Aunt, Uncle, and two sons for a while.  My grandpop watched the boys in the afternoon after school.  While in Kindergarten the youngest boy got up in front of the class to tell the others what he does after school.  He told the class he has beers with his grandpop in the afternoon!  Guess who got called down to the school over that one!  They had to clarify that my grandpop was the one who had the beers and not the son!

charlotte989875

See now I think that's just a cute story @OliveOilsMom whereas I bet LW would never speak to grandpop again.

DrillSergeantCat

charlotte989875 said:

See now I think that's just a cute story @OliveOilsMom whereas I bet LW would never speak to grandpop again.

I get the feeling that LW would call the police on Pop.

MNNEBride

Am I the only one wondering if the LW and her DH ever drink while parenting?

DrillSergeantCat

Prudie's advice was not so great on this one. To me, the fact that there were beer bottles and wine glasses does not automatically mean they "finished off a six-pack and a bottle of wine." It says to me that they might have drank the beer out of the wine glasses. Five bottles of beer between two people is not an event worthy of cutting someone out of your life.

sparklepants41

MNNEBride said:

Am I the only one wondering if the LW and her DH ever drink while parenting?

I was wondering this too!

And I'm also thinking surely LW's parents probably drank while they parented the LW. 

IMO I think she needs to get over herself. To me this is such a non-issue.

MissKittyDanger

DrillSergeantCat said:

Prudie's advice was not so great on this one. To me, the fact that there were beer bottles and wine glasses does not automatically mean they "finished off a six-pack and a bottle of wine." It says to me that they might have drank the beer out of the wine glasses. Five bottles of beer between two people is not an event worthy of cutting someone out of your life.

No, but I'm wondering if there's more back story on why LW is so upset about the alcohol ...

bleve0821

DrillSergeantCat said:

Prudie's advice was not so great on this one. To me, the fact that there were beer bottles and wine glasses does not automatically mean they "finished off a six-pack and a bottle of wine." It says to me that they might have drank the beer out of the wine glasses. Five bottles of beer between two people is not an event worthy of cutting someone out of your life.

If LW's son was uninjured and there was no lasting adverse impact to his life, then I do not see what the issue is here, or why it merits holding a seemingly unfounded grudge for so long.  It's not like LW's parents have zero parenting experience, and even if they did the drinking themselves, I'm sure they are well-acquainted with their drinking limits and are able to drink responsibly.

Funny story.  When I was about a year old, my parents went away for a weekend and left me with BOTH my grandmothers.  Apparently, about half an hour after my parents dropped me off, I was placed into the walker thing and I rolled myself right off the deck and smashed my head open.  They were just feet away.

Both grandmothers were sober.  Guess what happened?

My parents finished their trip, and my grandmothers babysat me again a month later.

In this instance, I was actually hurt, but my parents cast no blame and cut exactly zero people out of their lives.  My mother may have held a little grudge against her MIL, but they didn't always see eye-to-eye.

DrillSergeantCat

MissKittyDanger said:

No, but I'm wondering if there's more back story on why LW is so upset about the alcohol ...

Since she didn't say this was an ongoing problem, I chalk this up to being an overprotective new parent.

VarunaTT

mrsconn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
My parents are coming to town this week and I’m already losing sleep. When my son was 6 months old (he’s 3 now) my parents watched him for a couple of hours. When we returned we noticed five beer bottles in the recycling and some used wine glasses. If this had been a regular babysitter I would have fired them, but they are my parents. Since then I haven’t let them babysit together or at night, but they always offer. I’ve told my mom about my reluctance about a year ago and got an “I understand,” but no apology. I’m still mad that they could be so reckless. Do I need to get over this and let them babysit or is it worth another try explaining my hesitation for free babysitting?

—Should I Let My Parents Babysit?

This is all weird.  Her parents are coming into town, she won't let them babysit, but she's losing sleep over this?  And she won't let them babysit together or at night?  And did they see the recycling before or just now notice there was anything in it?  Who's house was this at?  

There simply has to be a bigger issue at play or this woman is just way too controlling, assuming, and helicoptering.

ShesSoCold

I'm in the "LW needs to calm the fuck down" camp. I'm not saying there isn't a bigger issue, just that with the info given, LW is too much.

My SIL fired my mom as a babysitter because her sister (SIL's sister, who has no children) said that the baby cried sometimes when my mom was there.

mrsconn23

ShesSoCold said:

My SIL fired my mom as a babysitter because her sister (SIL's sister, who has no children) said that the baby cried sometimes when my mom was there.

Your SIL and her sister need snatch punches. 

ShesSoCold

mrsconn23 said:

ShesSoCold said:

My SIL fired my mom as a babysitter because her sister (SIL's sister, who has no children) said that the baby cried sometimes when my mom was there.

Your SIL and her sister need snatch punches. 

Haha I agree. My sister and I were SO PISSED. My poor mom was taking time off work and driving like an hour to their house every week and then she's told that she shouldn't come any more because the whore sister is a better babysitter. My niece was like 6 months old.

Call me a dick but I hope SIL felt like shit about it later.

lyndausvi

I'm guessing the LW wouldn't approve of this?



Yep.  That is me and my grandma @ 6 months old.    She had nice frosted mugs with glass bottoms for her beers.