What do I say?

DrillSergeantCat

The deadline for me to give numbers to the caterer is the 10th. I asked for RSVPs to be in by the 3rd so that would give me a week to call anyone who didn't respond. I sent 43 invitations and only had 10 responses. When I call people, what do I say? Please tell me if this is okay or if there's something better:

"Hi Invited Person, this is Cat. I noticed that you haven't RSVPd to the wedding and wanted to be sure that you got the invitation. Will you be able to join us?"

For any lurkers out there, I asked people to RSVP through my wedding website and I know one person out of the 10 that have responded so far has had an issue. If I could go back and do it again, I'd give them an option of RSVPing online or by mail.

charlotte989875

I think that sounds fine. I had a number of invites get lost, or take forever to get to people, and I was still getting RSVPs weeks after the wedding. Just say "I haven't received your RSVP yet, will you be able to join us?" That's all you need.

DrillSergeantCat

Thanks, i just don't want to seem pushy.

ETA - even the bridal and groom parties haven't RSVPd. I know the actual party will be there, but dammit are you bringing your family too? 

bleve0821

If it makes you feel better, we had paper RSVP cards, complete with self-addressed stamped envelopes, and we only got about 25 out of 70 RSVPs (which irritated me, because I was hoping to keep the "yes" response cards to put in a little scrapbook to remind us in the future of who attended because I am sentimental about super weird shit).  When I followed up, I think I said something to the effect of:

"Hi, Blah Blah Blah, FH and I are trying to get a final headcount for our venue, and we are wondering if you will be attending the wedding.  We are very excited to celebrate with you and hope that you will be able to join us, but since we have not heard from you, we wanted to follow up."

I left a LOT of voicemails.

DrillSergeantCat

@AtomicBlonde that actually does make me feel better. What is wrong with people??? It's 30 seconds of your life but means the difference between you getting to eat or not! 

Were people responsive to the voicemails?

charlotte989875

People were pretty responsive when I left voicemails. Most just texted and said they were coming and their meal choice. Really not anything to worry about, in my case people were happy we called to follow up to ensure they got what they wanted.

DrillSergeantCat

If they didn't respond to your VM, did you try again?

bleve0821

It was hit or miss.  H's side was all very responsive, although a couple did "laugh" that I called instead of texted (kids today, pfft), but my side?  It was like I was trying to communicate with a void.  Well, there's a reason they call us "Quirks," and it's not because we're Irish.

ETA Yes, I would follow up if I didn't get a response after a few days.  Had to FB message a few (which were also ignored), so I just assumed they weren't coming.  They didn't.

charlotte989875

DrillSergeantCat said:

If they didn't respond to your VM, did you try again?

Nope. If they didn't respond to my VM at all I assumed I they weren't coming. And they didn't. (It was only like one or two people I think).

DrillSergeantCat

My brother told me he's going on vacation the week before my wedding and I said, "So are you telling me you're not going to be here for my wedding." He just said, "We will definitely be here." Not there, here. I'm finding people way too irritating right now.

DrillSergeantCat

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

If they didn't respond to your VM, did you try again?

Nope. If they didn't respond to my VM at all I assumed I they weren't coming. And they didn't. (It was only like one or two people I think).

Did you give them a deadline?

charlotte989875

DrillSergeantCat said:

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

If they didn't respond to your VM, did you try again?

Nope. If they didn't respond to my VM at all I assumed I they weren't coming. And they didn't. (It was only like one or two people I think).

Did you give them a deadline?

Yeah, if I remember correctly I said that I needed to know by the day before I had to get my escort cards to the printers. I had to have the seating chart and meal choices with the numbers 48 hours in advance to the caterers so I gave them until the day before. So if you need everything to the caterers by the 10th I'd give them until the 8th or 9th. When is your wedding?

DrillSergeantCat

charlotte989875 said:

Yeah, if I remember correctly I said that I needed to know by the day before I had to get my escort cards to the printers. I had to have the seating chart and meal choices with the numbers 48 hours in advance to the caterers so I gave them until the day before. So if you need everything to the caterers by the 10th I'd give them until the 8th or 9th. When is your wedding?

It's the 24th. It's buffet so meal choices aren't an issue, but I just want to be sure to have enough food for everyone. 

[Deleted User]

Your script sounds fine. I would probably start with "I'm following up on the wedding invitation that was sent..." But that's more my talking style. Following up after a day or two seems reasonable if they haven't responded to your voicemail. You could also change the mode of communication (like text or email instead of call) since maybe that'll be more effective. Ie I kinda suck at returning voicemails sometimes but I'd probably respond right away to a text. 

And im not sure having paper response cards would have necessarily resulted in a better response rate so don't beat yourself up for that. I've gotten about 50% responses so far and most of those were from our website (the other option was my email but a couple of FMILs friends just phoned her instead) and my RSVP date isn't close at all. So I really think this is just a know your crowd thing and sometimes that's hard to know ahead of time. Also, the people who didn't respond by the website might have been just as bad st responding with a card and at least this way you didn't waste a stamp. 

charlotte989875

DrillSergeantCat said:

charlotte989875 said:

Yeah, if I remember correctly I said that I needed to know by the day before I had to get my escort cards to the printers. I had to have the seating chart and meal choices with the numbers 48 hours in advance to the caterers so I gave them until the day before. So if you need everything to the caterers by the 10th I'd give them until the 8th or 9th. When is your wedding?

It's the 24th. It's buffet so meal choices aren't an issue, but I just want to be sure to have enough food for everyone. 

I would give them until the 9th then if caterers needed numbers by the 10th. If they don't respond by then, they're out of luck.

I did have two extra people come that had RSVP'ed and 4 no shows, so it all worked out.

ETA: You can always ask your catered if you have to add people after that date, what the plan is. Mine let me add people that day (kitchen was onsite), we were just financially responsible for all the people we had confirmed. So we could add late, we just couldn't decrease the numbers.

[Deleted User]

DrillSergeantCat said:

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

If they didn't respond to your VM, did you try again?

Nope. If they didn't respond to my VM at all I assumed I they weren't coming. And they didn't. (It was only like one or two people I think).

Did you give them a deadline?

Giving someone a deadline of the day before your caterer deadline seems totally fair to me. 

DrillSergeantCat

Now, I want to know...did it hurt your feelings that you had to follow up or is this my crazy pregnancy hormones?

bleve0821

DrillSergeantCat said:

Now, I want to know...did it hurt your feelings that you had to follow up or is this my crazy pregnancy hormones?

Nope, I was stung.  I thought it was pretty rude and disrespectful that I went to all the effort of self-addressing and putting stamps on the envelopes, and they couldn't even check a box and walk it to the mailbox.  It got to me in a way I didn't expect.

ILoveBeachMusic

I think you're fine to say that. We were lucky with DD's wedding all but one responded. I sent an email which they answered immediately. The WP were some of the last to respond (within the given time) though - and one didn't put a meal choice!

[Deleted User]

Ummm.....annoyed? For sure. But hurt feelings? I don't know. Every single bride has to follow up with at least some people so it's definitely not personal. 

ETA: or unique to you. 

DrillSergeantCat

Ironring said:

Ummm.....annoyed? For sure. But hurt feelings? I don't know. Every single bride has to follow up with at least some people so it's definitely not personal. 

ETA: or unique to you. 

I'm going to stick with hurt feelings. We only invited people we really wanted to be there and all of these people have said how excited they are for us, but now they won't even respond? It's hurtful. This isn't a few people, this is 75% of the invitations sent that haven't responded. 

eta- I think it's the fact that it's the majority of invitations that haven't responded that is hurting my feelers.

charlotte989875

It didn't hurt my feelings, but we also lived in rural NC with terrible mail pick up and delivery so I assumed most of the late/no existent replies were the mail's fault.

[Deleted User]

DrillSergeantCat said:

Ironring said:

Ummm.....annoyed? For sure. But hurt feelings? I don't know. Every single bride has to follow up with at least some people so it's definitely not personal. 

ETA: or unique to you. 

I'm going to stick with hurt feelings. We only invited people we really wanted to be there and all of these people have said how excited they are for us, but now they won't even respond? It's hurtful. This isn't a few people, this is 75% of the invitations sent that haven't responded. 

eta- I think it's the fact that it's the majority of invitations that haven't responded that is hurting my feelers.

That's fair. You are justified in feeling hurt. 

DrillSergeantCat

Ironring said:

That's fair. You are justified in feeling hurt. 

Now I've swung over to pissed. Too much shit is getting to me today.

ei34

I had to follow up with most of DH's family when they failed to RSVP.  I was frustrated because I had their invitations printed en espanol (for the ones who don't speak/read English), included the self-addressed, stamped response envelopes, etc.  Some i called, others texted, others received a FB message...everyone was all "yes I can't wait I'll be there!".  I've since learned that they just don't RSVP, as we've thrown several parties since our wedding.
Considering that you have a small guest list of your nearest and dearest, I agree that your hurt feelings are completely valid.  (And the hormones don't help!  )  Good luck!

DrillSergeantCat

@eileenrob We invited 97, but it's all people we love. I have a headache now. 

I texted FMIL and asked if she's had anyone RSVP to her because her friends did that for my baby shower and she said no. Then says, "well I know Kathy and Kathe are coming." Ok...if they told you they're coming and their partners are not, they RSVPd to you!!!

ei34

Ugh a couple of DH's aunts and uncles RSVP'd to his sister, and she told me.  DH was baffled as to why they didn't just let him know, since he and his sister are equally close to their relatives.

SaintPaulGal

I'm not there yet, but personally I would do multiple rounds of contact.  

First: calls with your script or something similar.  "Hi ___, I'm just checking in to see if you will be able to make it to my wedding on the 24th.  Let me know."

*wait a couple of days, if no response proceed*

Second:  Stronger message with an explicit deadline  "Hi ___, my numbers are due to the caterer soon.  I'd love to have you, but if I don't hear from you by [deadline a day before count is due] I'll put you down as a no."

Then ask  your caterer if it's possible to do last-minute additions.  If so, I would do one final round: "Hi ___, since I didn't hear from you I assume you won't be able to make it to the wedding.  If anything changes let me know."

And you are right to feel hurt/annoyed, but try not to take it personally.  You shouldn't have to chase people for a response, but for whatever reason, this is something that people tend to be kind of awful at.

DrillSergeantCat

SaintPaulGal said:

I'm not there yet, but personally I would do multiple rounds of contact.  

First: calls with your script or something similar.  "Hi ___, I'm just checking in to see if you will be able to make it to my wedding on the 24th.  Let me know."

*wait a couple of days, if no response proceed*

Second:  Stronger message with an explicit deadline  "Hi ___, my numbers are due to the caterer soon.  I'd love to have you, but if I don't hear from you by [deadline a day before count is due] I'll put you down as a no."

Then ask  your caterer if it's possible to do last-minute additions.  If so, I would do one final round: "Hi ___, since I didn't hear from you I assume you won't be able to make it to the wedding.  If anything changes let me know."

And you are right to feel hurt/annoyed, but try not to take it personally.  You shouldn't have to chase people for a response, but for whatever reason, this is something that people tend to be kind of awful at.

Since Saturday is the deadline, would you start calling Monday?

charlotte989875

SaintPaulGal said:

I'm not there yet, but personally I would do multiple rounds of contact.  

First: calls with your script or something similar.  "Hi ___, I'm just checking in to see if you will be able to make it to my wedding on the 24th.  Let me know."

*wait a couple of days, if no response proceed*

Second:  Stronger message with an explicit deadline  "Hi ___, my numbers are due to the caterer soon.  I'd love to have you, but if I don't hear from you by [deadline a day before count is due] I'll put you down as a no."

Then ask  your caterer if it's possible to do last-minute additions.  If so, I would do one final round: "Hi ___, since I didn't hear from you I assume you won't be able to make it to the wedding.  If anything changes let me know."

And you are right to feel hurt/annoyed, but try not to take it personally.  You shouldn't have to chase people for a response, but for whatever reason, this is something that people tend to be kind of awful at.

Honestly, this sounds like overkill to me. You sent an RSVP card with postage, you can call and leave a voicemail. Other than that, I don't think you need to continue to follow up. Some people are rude and won't ever reply, but calling three times after sending an invite, when you hear nothing in response, is bordering on hounding them for an answer.

artbyallie

I would not start calling until the mail has run on Tuesday. With the deadline being the 3rd, I'm betting the majority of people don't even drop it in the mail until then (or tomorrow, since the 3rd is a Saturday). And then there's no mail Monday because Labor Day (assuming you're US, which might be false).