Parental Say in College Majors

TheMostHappy15

Just read this article and, ignoring the dumb/misleading headline, thought it was interesting and am curious what others think about it.

For those who don't want to click- basically it's about parents increasingly putting pressure on kids not to major in the humanities/liberal arts because those jobs are supposedly less in demand and make less money.

Did y'all have any pressure from your parents when it came to choosing your major? Did you/would you put any pressure on your kids - particularly if you are partially or entirely footing the bill? Obviously I think most people would agree straight-up forbidding your kid from majoring in something they are interested in is overbearing, but do you think there's something to be said for pushing kids towards subjects that lead to careers that are in more demand?

thisismynickname2

DH and I have talked a lot about this for a future child. I work in higher ed and have strong thoughts on it. 
It's not about the major, it's about where you go for said major. I have a coworker (probably a $40k / yr job?) who is always bitching about being poor and student loan debt, etc. Well, he went to an out-of-state public school and majored in theatre. 
So....
The difference in cost between public and private schools may be negligible once institutional aid is offered to a student. If my kid wanted to study engineering at a school that would cost a lot of Estimated Financial Contribution or require a lot of student loans, I'd say go for it, because it's worth the investment. If they wanted to study the humanities at the same school, I'd have strong words of advice that they not go there and choose a school with a low, if not non-existent, EFC, or a place where they didn't need loans. It's not worth the investment. 

I probably wouldn't offer to pay, nor support, my future child going to an out-of-state public school unless they were on a full ride. Our tax dollars subsidize the schools in OUR states. Why waste the money going out of state when there are so many options in-state with basically all the same programs? 

Once the kid is 18 they can technically do what they want, but I would have very strong advice. 

Edit- to clarify a point from the article. I wouldn't not let my kid major in the humanities or social sciences. I'm fine with whatever major. For me, I could study journalism for $10k a year sticker price or $40k a year sticker price. What's more logical? I'm glad I chose the school with the lowest out of pocket (and loan) cost to me when my entry level corporate job paid me $27k a year. 

charlotte989875

As a faculty member in a social science discipline I think the heavy push for practical majors (business, STEM, nursing) are great for some students, particularly underrepresented ones. However, the skills you learn in many social sciences or humanities are incredibly useful for careers in a variety of fields. I advise pre-law students and find students that do best on the LSAT are those that have strong analytical and critical thinking skills that are taught in the social sciences and humanities. 

Also, pushing students into a particular "practical" major when they don't have a passion for it don't do as well, and likely aren't going to land that great job the parents are looking for (for a variety of reasons). I hope with my kid I can encourage them to take a variety of classes before deciding a major and think about the skills they will need for their career rather than a particular set of courses. 

CMGragain

Higher education had changed drastically in the past century.  A college education used to be meant to "broaden" the young man.  He would study Latin, humanities, etc.  There are still a few colleges like this, for instance, St. John's College in Annapolis, MD.
Since WWII, colleges have been more oriented to job training, with emphasis on majors like engineering, medical science, chemistry, geology.  Women were more restricted until the 1970s, but before that we were encouraged to major in teaching or nursing.
I saw the students of the early 1970s, many of whom did not have a good reason to be in college at all except to postpone military service during the Vietnam War.  Others went to college because their parents wanted them to go, and many spent their time partying down.  They usually dropped out and went to Vietnam.  It was a strange time.
My mother never understood how much college had changed between 1943 and 1970.  She thought of it as a way to catch a man who made better money.  The old "MRS degree" theory.  (I was insulted, even in 1970.)
Today's college student face a whole different set of problems, which is one reason why DH and I want our inherited money to go for our grandchildren's college education - if they don't get a free ride like their parents did.  My daughter has already said that Simon and Henry will have to explain to her WHY they want to go to college before she will agree to help them finance it.  I don't think she needs to worry about Simon.  He seems destined to be an engineer at age 3.  "How does it work?  Can I take it apart?"

DrillSergeantCat

I basically told my 19 year old that we were absolutely not paying for him to go to college to major in psychology or humanities/liberal arts. Too many kids really enjoy high school psychology so they decide to major in it without the realization that there's so much more education needed than a bachelor's degree to be a psychologist. 

My former roommate was just complaining the other day that she has two degrees yet makes half what her high-school only educated boyfriend makes. He's an electrician. Her degrees are in History and dance, but she doesn't want to teach. 

There's nothing wrong with majoring in non-STEM or business related degrees, but these days it takes more than just a Bachelor's degree a lot of the time. 

I'd actually like to see more parents pushing for their kids to go to technical schools and learning a trade instead of the push for college. 

madamerwin

My parents didn't pressure me at all, but sometimes I wish they did try to get me to think more critically about my school and major choice. I went to a University of California, which generally has a good reputation, but I chose the campus based on location (close to home/high school friends who I ended up not even keeping in touch with after 6 months of college). I got good financial aid, but still came out $12K in debt. My sister went to an out-of-state private school with a $30K tuition, but since the financial aid was so good, she came out pretty much debt-free. Should have looked into that route more.

I majored in Sociology, because I thought it seemed interesting. I work in marketing now, so not related to my major at all, besides being able to BS about how I know how to work with people. I wish I had majored in something like business, or education (part of me still wishes I became a teacher) - something that would have offered a clear career path.

Not that I necessarily dislike my field, but I probably would have been able to start out making more money if I'd majored in something more practical. Or gone to a community college for two years first to really decide what I wanted to do.

thisismynickname2

charlotte989875 said:

As a faculty member in a social science discipline I think the heavy push for practical majors (business, STEM, nursing) are great for some students, particularly underrepresented ones. However, the skills you learn in many social sciences or humanities are incredibly useful for careers in a variety of fields. I advise pre-law students and find students that do best on the LSAT are those that have strong analytical and critical thinking skills that are taught in the social sciences and humanities. 

Also, pushing students into a particular "practical" major when they don't have a passion for it don't do as well, and likely aren't going to land that great job the parents are looking for (for a variety of reasons). I hope with my kid I can encourage them to take a variety of classes before deciding a major and think about the skills they will need for their career rather than a particular set of courses. 

I think what's interesting about this though is that the liberal arts is part of general education. I would hope that pre-law students all have some liberal arts; maybe the critical thinking is just a skill some have in spades and others less so?

indigo26

One of my friend's parents actually told her to major in one of the sciences (Bio I think?) and it failed miserably. They were footing the majority of her tuition so they felt that her major was their decision. After flunking one of her major-required classes THREE times they finally saw the error of her ways and let her graduate with an English degree, Business minor. But their refusal to let her change her major (and her inability to stand up to them) trashed her GPA and made her miserable for most of college. 

Personally my mother never interfered with what major I decided to study, although she did tease me about my multiple major changes. I ended up with an English degree because I was getting tired of college. Now I'm going back for a Master's in Library Studies while working in fast food. While I do understand the merits of a humanities degree - it honestly did more harm than good in my career search. Most jobs told me that I was either over-qualified or under-qualified. 

I think what other say about looking at the cost-effectiveness of particular schools is something that students need to do when considering how "useful" their major is going to be. I told my youngest brother NOT to go to a uni because he still doesn't know what he want to do. Instead he's working on an Associate's degree with zero debt and freedom to explore different fields.

charlotte989875

thisismynickname said:

charlotte989875 said:

As a faculty member in a social science discipline I think the heavy push for practical majors (business, STEM, nursing) are great for some students, particularly underrepresented ones. However, the skills you learn in many social sciences or humanities are incredibly useful for careers in a variety of fields. I advise pre-law students and find students that do best on the LSAT are those that have strong analytical and critical thinking skills that are taught in the social sciences and humanities. 

Also, pushing students into a particular "practical" major when they don't have a passion for it don't do as well, and likely aren't going to land that great job the parents are looking for (for a variety of reasons). I hope with my kid I can encourage them to take a variety of classes before deciding a major and think about the skills they will need for their career rather than a particular set of courses. 

I think what's interesting about this though is that the liberal arts is part of general education. I would hope that pre-law students all have some liberal arts; maybe the critical thinking is just a skill some have in spades and others less so?

It is except many colleges are moving even these liberal arts requirements to only certain fields. For example in many business and engineering  colleges you take writing 101 for business or writing for engineers. And many times they're not required to take upper-level liberal arts courses where you would get exposed to repeated critical thinking practice. While some people are pre-disposed to critical thinking (just like others are naturally drawn to/good at art or music or math) it's a skill you can learn, like anything else. And in social science fields it is practiced repeatedly. 

Additionally, research shows employers (business and nonprofit) care more about the skills you learn; critical thinking, team work, interpersonal skills, written and oral communication skills, and problem solving skills than they do about college major. Not saying you don't get those in many STEM fields, but they are far more common in social science and liberal studies fields. 

http://www.aacu.org/press/press-releases/employers-more-interested-critical-thinking-and-problem-solving-college-major

downtondiva

I double majored in English and History. I will admit that I was a little concerned about getting a job when I graduated, especially since I was getting out of school when the job market was very bad. But I also knew that I'd never be happy majoring in business or something else more "practical." It took me a while, but I now have a stable job that pays well. 

Here's the thing, though: my job does not directly involve either of the subjects I majored in. What it does involve, however, are the skills that made me successful in my majors - namely, good writing and research skills and an ability to read and analyze something quickly and well. I think this is the key to majoring in the liberal arts/humanities: your future job will likely be more about the skills you had and developed that led you to succeed in your field of study, not necessarily the subject matter of that field. And you need to be okay with that. Personally, having had the experience I did, I would not stop my child from majoring in the liberal arts/humanities by telling them I wouldn't pay for it, because it has worked out pretty well for me so far. However, I would also remind my kid that they are going to have to be realistic about what kind of jobs are open to them and they can't expect to make it solely as a writer, artist, etc. And that they shouldn't expect me to support them should they choose the starving artist path. 

There are ways to make a good living as a humanities major. They just involve a more practical side that we don't always like to use. 

TheMostHappy15

charlotte989875 said:

It is except many colleges are moving even these liberal arts requirements to only certain fields. For example in many business and engineering  colleges you take writing 101 for business or writing for engineers. And many times they're not required to take upper-level liberal arts courses where you would get exposed to repeated critical thinking practice. While some people are pre-disposed to critical thinking (just like others are naturally drawn to/good at art or music or math) it's a skill you can learn, like anything else. And in social science fields it is practiced repeatedly. 

Additionally, research shows employers (business and nonprofit) care more about the skills you learn; critical thinking, team work, interpersonal skills, written and oral communication skills, and problem solving skills than they do about college major. Not saying you don't get those in many STEM fields, but they are far more common in social science and liberal studies fields. 

http://www.aacu.org/press/press-releases/employers-more-interested-critical-thinking-and-problem-solving-college-major

And the converse of that- I have gotten a leg up during the application process for every job I've ever had (all of which have been writing/humanities-oriented positions) because I am good at and enjoy doing math and working with numbers. So many "writer types" have a visceral fear of math, so having a really strong math GRE score etc. made my application stand out in a big way because it demonstrated the ability to think in a variety of ways. I just think whatever your strength, writing or math or art or whatever, it really helps to be exposed to (and just plain open to!) other disciplines.

Jen4948

I experienced that. I majored in accounting because my parents wanted me to get a business degree so I could get a job. So I became a CPA.

I wish I hadn't.

julieanne912

I wish my mom had pushed back on me a bit more.  She's awesome in that she is always supportive in whatever I decide to do, but when it came to college, she should have told me no when I decided to leave a cheap state school with a small design program to move to another state to attend a private design school (and racked up some hefty student loans to do so).  And now, I don't even work in interior design or anything creative at all, because those jobs didn't pay the bills.

hellohkb

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

TheMostHappy15

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

Weirdly (or maybe not?), going to school to become a lawyer is one of the things I would most strongly discourage my kid from doing! Talk about a field that is way over-saturated and not worth the investment. Majoring in poli-sci, so many people I knew went to law school because they didn't know what else to do with that degree and almost universally it has not worked out for them, with the exception of those who went to like top 5 in the country law schools. There are too many lawyers and not enough jobs- plus it has a super high burn out rate.

Jen4948

TheMostHappy15 said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

Weirdly (or maybe not?), going to school to become a lawyer is one of the things I would most strongly discourage my kid from doing! Talk about a field that is way over-saturated and not worth the investment. Majoring in poli-sci, so many people I knew went to law school because they didn't know what else to do with that degree and almost universally it has not worked out for them, with the exception of those who went to like top 5 in the country law schools. There are too many lawyers and not enough jobs- plus it has a super high burn out rate.

But if your kid really likes the idea of being lawyer and has a sense of what it's all about, I wouldn't discourage him or her. That's the whole point - it should be up to him or her, regardless of what you (generic) think.

artbyallie

Liberal arts are severely undervalued, IMO and IME. H and I both have liberal arts degrees (He has a BA and MA in English with the latter having a concentration in poetry, plus a graduate-level Ed degree; he bounces around as an adjunct at different community colleges). I majored in Theatre and absolutely loved every minute of it. I have yet to get a job that really 'uses' my degree but everything I learned gets applied to not only my work but my everyday life. And I do actually have a job where I get to be creative; it's just that it's jewelry design rather than anything related to the stage. My loans are gradually getting paid (I did have significant scholarships too, otherwise I likely wouldn't have gone to a private college for part of my education) and H's will be forgiven in about 7 years as long as he continues to be employed by a non-profit institution.

Anyway, a degree of any other variety isn't a guarantee one will get or maintain a well-paying job. The area I live now has an oversupply of people who piled into nursing programs because there was supposedly a shortage of RNs, but now there aren't enough jobs to go around.

DrillSergeantCat

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

TheMostHappy15

Jen4948 said:

TheMostHappy15 said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

Weirdly (or maybe not?), going to school to become a lawyer is one of the things I would most strongly discourage my kid from doing! Talk about a field that is way over-saturated and not worth the investment. Majoring in poli-sci, so many people I knew went to law school because they didn't know what else to do with that degree and almost universally it has not worked out for them, with the exception of those who went to like top 5 in the country law schools. There are too many lawyers and not enough jobs- plus it has a super high burn out rate.

But if your kid really likes the idea of being lawyer and has a sense of what it's all about, I wouldn't discourage him or her. That's the whole point - it should be up to him or her, regardless of what you (generic) think.

I guess I honestly would discourage him or her, at least mildly. Not like, you're disowned if you do this but just being honest that I don't think it's a great idea and encouraging them to be realistic about their prospects and look at other options. But law school is also a bit different because it's a graduate degree, which I probably would not pay for (at least in full) regardless of what subject it was in - so at the end of the day, not my money or my debt to deal with. 

hellohkb

TheMostHappy15 said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

Weirdly (or maybe not?), going to school to become a lawyer is one of the things I would most strongly discourage my kid from doing! Talk about a field that is way over-saturated and not worth the investment. Majoring in poli-sci, so many people I knew went to law school because they didn't know what else to do with that degree and almost universally it has not worked out for them, with the exception of those who went to like top 5 in the country law schools. There are too many lawyers and not enough jobs- plus it has a super high burn out rate.

I never thought about that before but I could totally see that! I brought it up because it seems every other parent wants their kid to be a doctor or lawyer. Both jobs seem so incredibly stressful. 

Jen4948

TheMostHappy15 said:

Jen4948 said:

TheMostHappy15 said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

Weirdly (or maybe not?), going to school to become a lawyer is one of the things I would most strongly discourage my kid from doing! Talk about a field that is way over-saturated and not worth the investment. Majoring in poli-sci, so many people I knew went to law school because they didn't know what else to do with that degree and almost universally it has not worked out for them, with the exception of those who went to like top 5 in the country law schools. There are too many lawyers and not enough jobs- plus it has a super high burn out rate.

But if your kid really likes the idea of being lawyer and has a sense of what it's all about, I wouldn't discourage him or her. That's the whole point - it should be up to him or her, regardless of what you (generic) think.

I guess I honestly would discourage him or her, at least mildly. Not like, you're disowned if you do this but just being honest that I don't think it's a great idea and encouraging them to be realistic about their prospects and look at other options. But law school is also a bit different because it's a graduate degree, which I probably would not pay for (at least in full) regardless of what subject it was in - so at the end of the day, not my money or my debt to deal with. 

I don't know-I got "discouraged" by my parents from doing things I would much rather do with my life than be a CPA (and there are plenty of CPAs to go around) by parents being "realistic," so I am stuck with a resume that's a straitjacket. I can't get any jobs that aren't tax jobs at CPA firms-even though I've come to really, really hate it-because everyone assumes I can't do anything else. Recruiters and hiring managers take one look at my resume, and if I'm applying for anything that's not a public accounting job specializing in tax work, they get "scared" and I can't even get a fucking interview. I wake up every morning having to psych myself to go into the office and spend the better part of every day (it's tax season now, so I get no time off, not even for Labor Day) doing a "realistic" job that doesn't even pay enough.

DrillSergeantCat

hellohkb said:

I never thought about that before but I could totally see that! I brought it up because it seems every other parent wants their kid to be a doctor or lawyer. Both jobs seem so incredibly stressful. 

I think it's a prestige thing. KWIM? 

charlotte989875

DrillSergeantCat said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in. 

TheMostHappy15

Jen4948 said:

I don't know-I got "discouraged" by my parents from doing things I would much rather do with my life than be a CPA (and there are plenty of CPAs to go around) by parents being "realistic," so I am stuck with a resume that's a straitjacket. I can't get any jobs that aren't tax jobs at CPA firms-even though I've come to really, really hate it-because everyone assumes I can't do anything else. Recruiters and hiring managers take one look at my resume, and if I'm applying for anything that's not a public accounting job specializing in tax work, they get "scared" and I can't even get a fucking interview. I wake up every morning having to psych myself to go into the office and spend the better part of every day (it's tax season now, so I get no time off, not even for Labor Day) doing a "realistic" job that doesn't even pay enough.

First of all, I'm really sorry you're going through all that! I hope you keep trying and find something you like better soon because no one should have to do something that makes them miserable every day.

Even still- I'm a very open person and I think it would be disingenuous and dishonest of me as a parent to pretend I didn't have concerns about my kid going into a career path that I thought was unlikely to work out well for them. And at the end of the day I'm not holding a financial carrot over their heads so really it's their choice whether or not to take my advice. I would hope that by that point in their life they've learned not everyone is going to agree with your decisions and have the ability to weigh my concerns rationally against their own opinions.

I hope this doesn't sound critical because I truly don't know to what degree your parents simply discouraged versus really pushed you- but you were an adult when you decided to pursue this path and at some point you've gotta take some ownership over the choice that you ultimately made. It sucks you aren't happy with that choice now, but I think it's better to focus on how you're going to change paths going forward than to dwell on unhappiness that your parents weren't 100% on board with just telling you should do whatever you wanted to, heedless of practical considerations. 

julieanne912

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in. 

I feel like a situation like this is similar to a wedding.  If her parents are paying for it, then they get a say in it.  If it's not making her happy and she wants to do something different, then she could always figure out a way to pay for it herself, or finish her degree they WILL pay for, and then figure out a way to get into what she wants to do after.

DrillSergeantCat

charlotte989875 said:

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in. 

This is different. I think as parents we should guide our children. I only blatantly told mine no psychology or LA because I knew he didn't want to do that anyway. If he really wanted to be a psychologist, I'd support him but make sure he knew that it's a long road. He's in finance now, but it was his decision. It is ridiculous to force your kids into a field they absolutely don't want to be in. 

Choosing schools is a different matter, though.

TheMostHappy15

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in. 

I think there's a big difference in offering input, guidance and concerns and setting hard-and-fast rules regardless of a child's inclination or abilities. Like if my kid wanted to major in theater but it was clear they were not good at acting (on top of the fact it's super hard to make a living doing that even if you're talented), I would tell them they needed to double major if they wanted me to pay. But personally I think ruling out an entire huge field of knowledge and study like liberal arts in general is taking it way too far. I think I would just opt not to pay for college at that point rather than put that much restriction and pressure on a kid.

spockforprez

I was very independent and headstrong when I was a teenager. My parents didn't try to influence me, but I probably wouldn't have listened anyway, lol. I went to a very small, very conservative, very religious, unaccredited Christian school my first year. Gigantic mistake for MANY reasons... I wish I'd made a different choice, but oh well.

It was in-state and I got a partial scholarship but was still about $16k per year. My mom paid cash for the first semester - and cosigned a loan for the second one. After that, I got federal loans. I still have about $14k in student loans, public and private. It wouldn't be so bad if I had actually finished my degree...   As it stands now, I am back in school to finish my degree in accounting, but am paying cash for tuition and books. No more loans. (I'm repeating a class I dropped out of a few semesters ago which will bring my GPA up an entire point, and then I will be applying for merit-based scholarships as well.) My earning potential should be fairly decent so if the loans aren't paid off by the time I graduate they should go down quickly after that.

The thing I find insane is out-of-state or private schools that cost $40-60k... like kids ending up in $180,000 of debt for a basic business or engineering degree they could have gotten for $40-50k somewhere else. I think young people get very caught up in college advertising (whether via athletics or family connections or guidance counselor materials) and they see nice dorms and a pretty campus and a good football program and buy into the same "world-class faculty and state of the art technology and resources" claims that every single university makes... it's crazy. It's crazy that you can mortgage your whole future at the age of 17-18. 

madamerwin

downtondiva said:

I double majored in English and History. I will admit that I was a little concerned about getting a job when I graduated, especially since I was getting out of school when the job market was very bad. But I also knew that I'd never be happy majoring in business or something else more "practical." It took me a while, but I now have a stable job that pays well. 

Here's the thing, though: my job does not directly involve either of the subjects I majored in. What it does involve, however, are the skills that made me successful in my majors - namely, good writing and research skills and an ability to read and analyze something quickly and well. I think this is the key to majoring in the liberal arts/humanities: your future job will likely be more about the skills you had and developed that led you to succeed in your field of study, not necessarily the subject matter of that field. And you need to be okay with that. Personally, having had the experience I did, I would not stop my child from majoring in the liberal arts/humanities by telling them I wouldn't pay for it, because it has worked out pretty well for me so far. However, I would also remind my kid that they are going to have to be realistic about what kind of jobs are open to them and they can't expect to make it solely as a writer, artist, etc. And that they shouldn't expect me to support them should they choose the starving artist path. 

There are ways to make a good living as a humanities major. They just involve a more practical side that we don't always like to use. 

This is how I feel about my major, pretty much... Majoring in sociology did get me interviews out of college, because I had experience researching, writing, and working with people. And then it kind of snowballed from there, and now 9 years after college I have a solid marketing resume. After you have a certain amount of work experience, it doesn't seem like anyone cares what your major was anymore.

TheMostHappy15

julieanne912 said:

I feel like a situation like this is similar to a wedding.  If her parents are paying for it, then they get a say in it.  If it's not making her happy and she wants to do something different, then she could always figure out a way to pay for it herself, or finish her degree they WILL pay for, and then figure out a way to get into what she wants to do after.

I get what you're saying but it's really not like a wedding at all. A wedding has no effect on your life outside of that day- it's a party. You education at least partially dictates what you will be doing eight hours a day for the rest of your life. And it's not so easy to "just figure it out" when the price tag and the stakes are that high. I don't think it's fair to expect most 18 year olds to have the self-awareness and maturity to go "Well, my parents will pay for my college only if I major in a science field but I don't see that leading to a fulfilling and rewarding lifetime career so I'm going to politely decline their help." Which is why I think parental input on this kind of thing can be appropriate but should come with a light touch. 

charlotte989875

julieanne912 said:

charlotte989875 said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

hellohkb said:

Personally, I think it's strange when parents try to have a say in their child's major or school choice. That borders into weird helicopter parent for me. I can understand having an opinion, but when you're openly trying to sway your child's dreams and wishes, that is strange to me. Either you're going to pay and be supportive, or you're not. I  just got my degree Psychology and my sister is going to school for graphic design. People probably think those are useless degrees, but I disagree wholeheartedly. There are MANY jobs I can take with a degree in Psych. 

We need all kinds of people in this world, not just doctors, lawyers, and scientists. 

In-state tuition is $20,000 a year. Out-of-state tuition is $40,000. If I'm paying for, you better believe I have a say in where I spend my money.

I get that, I just see so many students in my classes, in my office that are doing poorly in their classes or hate what they're doing because their parents are telling them what they should be taking. I had a student who was in the nursing program and hated it; she was upset a lot of the time, she wasn't doing well, and she wanted to become involved in nonprofit work but her parents said they wouldn't pay for that, even when we had a high placement rate for what she wanted to do. They also wouldn't co-sign loans for her to do something different. I felt terrible for her because she was getting a degree in something she didn't want to do all because her parents told her what she could or couldn't major in. 

I feel like a situation like this is similar to a wedding.  If her parents are paying for it, then they get a say in it.  If it's not making her happy and she wants to do something different, then she could always figure out a way to pay for it herself, or finish her degree they WILL pay for, and then figure out a way to get into what she wants to do after.

Except how many 18 year olds have $20,000+ at their disposal? And students can't get financial aid without their parents income information and signature OR being declared financially independent (and showing they get zero money, support, assistance) from their parents. 

For or a wedding most couples can decline the money and pay for some type of wedding, but with colleges without a parent signing off a student ant get loans or other ways to fund their education. Yes, they can work for years and save until they have their own income, but at 18 w/o a college degree it's unlikely they'll make any real money to do that. 

Im not saying parents shouldn't have a role in the kids education, of course they should. But holding financial aid hostage isn't the way to do it.