Self invited co-worker

MBenz1971

A co-worker that I barely talk to heard I am getting married and basically assumed she and her boyfriend are invited (they aren't).  She came to my office last week to let me know she already bought a dress for herself and a suit for her boyfriend!!!  How do I politely let her know she cannot come?

ILoveBeachMusic

First of all make sure you are not talking about your wedding at work. If she says anything else, just say you have a limited guest list and can't invite everyone who would like to come. Then bean dip!

MeetTheLaras

That's really awkward. I had a similar situation with a neighbor. To be honest, I didn't want a confrontation, so I causually mentioned that I had already sent out the invitations. I think she got it after that. Hasn't been an issue since. 

As for not talking about the wedding at work, there are currently 3 people engaged and planning a wedding in my office. And two just recently returned from their honeymoon. Everyone talks about wedding planning. It doesn't seem to be a problem that the entire office is not invited to each wedding. 

Use your best judgment! 

thisismynickname2

MBenz1971 said:

A co-worker that I barely talk to heard I am getting married and basically assumed she and her boyfriend are invited (they aren't).  She came to my office last week to let me know she already bought a dress for herself and a suit for her boyfriend!!!  How do I politely let her know she cannot come?

Speaking as someone who hates confrontation, I think the fact she bought an outfits is going way too far. You might have to pull her aside quietly and say something like, "I'm so sorry if I gave the wrong impression- you won't be receiving an invitation to my wedding."

Hella awkward. We've had other posters with overstepping coworkers and sometimes it's gotten out of hand. I think you have to directly shut this down.

Did you invite any other coworkers? Can you honestly use the "small wedding" excuse? 

You could just stop talking to her (and everyone else) about it and hope she gets the hint when an invite doesn't materialize, but...

SP29

"Unfortunately we are unable to invite everyone we would have liked".

"Our guest is has already been established and we are keeping it small. Invitations have already been sent".

What did you say when she told you she bought outfits?

If she keeps bring it up, you may have to be frank.

Jen4948

"Unfortunately it isn't possible for us to extend you or your boyfriend invitations to our wedding."

downtondiva

I'd like to think maybe this woman has a strange sense of humor and is just joking around with you about this, but people can be so presumptuous and rude that I have a feeling she's serious. Anyway, if she is being that forward with assuming she's invited to your wedding, you need to say something, and you need to say it soon. Do not just hope she'll get the hint.

There's no reason to be harsh about it or to do it in front of everyone else.  Try to have this discussion as quietly and privately as possible.  Keep it simple - just tell her that you've already finalized your guest list and that she and her boyfriend are, unfortunately, not invited (can you use the small wedding excuse?). It will be awkward for sure, but it will be a lot less awkward than her confronting you three weeks before the wedding wanting to know  where her invitation is. Don't be surprised if she's upset (though obviously if she starts causing problems for you, talk to HR or your boss). Once you've had this discussion, make sure not to discuss your wedding any further at the office, especially if you are inviting other people from work.

InLoveInQueens

I would have my fingers crossed she was making a joke that fell flat, but PPs have good lines. Be direct, be firm, don't give excuses because people can argue with excuses. 

monkeysip

SP29 said:

"Unfortunately we are unable to invite everyone we would have liked".

"Our guest is has already been established and we are keeping it small. Invitations have already been sent".

What did you say when she told you she bought outfits?

If she keeps bring it up, you may have to be frank.

This is what I'm wondering... if OP didn't say anything or gave some kind of positive affirmation, this coworker is probably getting false signals.  OP needed to say something immediately in response to this.