Moms and Maids

Underwhelming bridesmaids

2

Re: Underwhelming bridesmaids

  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2016
    Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....

    kimmiinthemitten
  • I once dated this guy who started a huge fight with me because he had stopped hanging out with his friends to hang out with me. Not only stop hanging out with them but canceling plans if I was like "Oh, hey, wanna go catch a movie tonight?" 

    Somehow this was my fault even though 1) I had no idea he was doing this 2) Would never ask him to do this and 3) Would have been totally okay with a "Can't tonight, how about tomorrow" for an answer. 

    He clearly expected a Thank You from me. I'm kind of imagining a big tantrum like that.
    image
    SP29OurWildKingdom
  • I don't care about the money aspect- but not getting a thank you is a little rude. 
    If I was one of your bridesmaids I would have thanked you the dress since you did do me a favour -- getting a dress (within their budget) is one of the few "duties" bridesmaids actually have.

    I would have thanked you for the jewellery, makeup, and hairstyle since I just think it's nice to get stuff, but you didn't do anything extraordinary here -- if the bride requires specifics like these she must pay for them.

    I would feel no need to thank you for inviting me to a getaway weekend. I know you think you helped them out by planning your own bachelorette so that they wouldn't have to -- but they didn't have to in the first place. It is tacky to throw a party in your own honour and expect people to buy you drinks on top of it.


    If I were you I'd also be a bit disappointed that my friends weren't interested in throwing a bachelorette for me. They're fun celebrations and it's always nice to be made to feel special. I totally get that. But I would not feel like they owed me an APOLOGY for not throwing one.

    I'd also be disappointed that the shower hosts didn't bother seeing if their plans were good for literally any other guest before going ahead and throwing the event. It sucks showing up to an empty party! Poor planning on their part, but again not something your bridesmaids should apologize for.
    InLoveInQueensSP29OurWildKingdom
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Hello! This may come across as being very rude or unappreciative, but bear with me.
    It did.

    It's your wedding. Who should pay for the decorations (dresses, etc.) but those who want it? You don't need to throw yourself parties, and they don't need to throw them, or come. Is that the only thing your friendships are based on? They're your friends first. Bridesmaid isn't a job - it's an honor for your closest friends.
    InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdom
  • Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....
    SP29
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    There is one aspect where I do disagree with the majority of the PPs.  Her BMs should thank her for purchasing their dresses and for the weekend getaway.  Even if the OP was a bit gauche in throwing her own bachelorette party, she did treat her WP to a fun weekend.  They should have thanked her for that.

    I also did not get the impression that she asked them for any money for it, but more was hoping they would offer and was disappointed they did not.  That is on her.  Would that have been nice?  Would that have been something I would have done if I could have afforded to contribute something?  Yes.

    But, at the end of the day, if she hadn't wanted to foot the whole bill, she should have suggested they go on a weekend trip...completely leaving out the word bachelorette...give ideas of cost with everyone (including her) splitting everything...and seen if there was interest. 

    That's kind of why I worded mine the way I did - are they generally unappreciative friends? Quite possibly, based on this OP. If someone asked me to be a BM, and then bought my dress, I would say something like "Oh, that's so nice!" at the very least, not "Well that makes sense, it's your wedding" (even if it does make sense). But whether or not they're the leech kind of friends has nothing to do with the wedding or their BM role.
    short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....

    I was told that if you accidentally run into a Canadian, he or she gives you a doughnut.

    I would definitely say that is significantly nicer than other places.

    WTF?  I'm right across the border and run into them all of the time and I've never gotten a doughnut.

    That's it; I'm disqualifying OP as a Canadian.

    image
    SP29MissKittyDangermadamerwin
  • There is one aspect where I do disagree with the majority of the PPs.  Her BMs should thank her for purchasing their dresses and for the weekend getaway.  Even if the OP was a bit gauche in throwing her own bachelorette party, she did treat her WP to a fun weekend.  They should have thanked her for that.

    I also did not get the impression that she asked them for any money for it, but more was hoping they would offer and was disappointed they did not.  That is on her.  Would that have been nice?  Would that have been something I would have done if I could have afforded to contribute something?  Yes.

    But, at the end of the day, if she hadn't wanted to foot the whole bill, she should have suggested they go on a weekend trip...completely leaving out the word bachelorette...give ideas of cost with everyone (including her) splitting everything...and seen if there was interest. 

    I missed the fact that OP paid for her bacchelorette weekend.

    Yes, I would say thank you if my friend bought my BM dress. I would say thank you if I attended a fully hosted event (I do this even if I go to a friend's house, "Thanks for having us!"). But I'm from Canada, so ;)


  • You are really doing everything for your BM's. I don't know any bride who has paid for their BM's dress, jewelry and hair and makeup and bachelorette OR any bride who has paid for just 1 of those things. But also, at the same time, you chose to pay for those things so it wouldn't be fair to expect them to apologize, but saying thank you is in order. Unfortunately, manners is not something everyone has and to be resentful about it, at this point, would just cause you frustration since they wouldn't even understand what they did wrong.

    It kind of sounds like many of your BP members don't really know what their role is and what would be appropriate for them to do. From what I've seen, the bride sets the ground work/tone for this and if its not clear, BP just kinda ends up like a sitting duck. Yes, technically they only have to show up, I GET that. BUT it really would have been nice if there could have been at MINIMUM some help or assistance. Again, they probably had no clue what the expectation was here and just assumed you wanted it a certain way and that you have it covered. I also think you may have taken on a lot of financials here and feel slightly taken for granted of, and I think thats normal - I would feel the same. I think from this point forward if there is something you are thinking of paying for or doing for them, I would not do it and address the group about it, let them know the expense and if they can't cover it they can come to you personally. Like a day of girls breakfast or any other BM expenses. It will make you really resentful if you continue to do what you've been doing and it will cause an argument at some point.

    Sorry theres been some negative responses on your thread, keep your head up and don't let anyone negative get ya down. You're by far the kindest bride I've heard of and you're planning your wedding and ultimately, come the day of, I'm sure it will all come together. Now lets sing kumbaya.
  • Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....

    I was told that if you accidentally run into a Canadian, he or she gives you a doughnut.

    I would definitely say that is significantly nicer than other places.

    WTF?  I'm right across the border and run into them all of the time and I've never gotten a doughnut.

    That's it; I'm disqualifying OP as a Canadian.

    I give wine. We hoard the donuts.
    HeffalumpSP29kimmiinthemitten
  • Ironring said:
    Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....

    I was told that if you accidentally run into a Canadian, he or she gives you a doughnut.

    I would definitely say that is significantly nicer than other places.

    Completely true. They will apologize, give you a doughnut from timmies and maybe a toque if its cold out. 
    Guilty for doing this. :')
  • Ironring said:
    Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....

    I was told that if you accidentally run into a Canadian, he or she gives you a doughnut.

    I would definitely say that is significantly nicer than other places.

    Completely true. They will apologize, give you a doughnut from timmies and maybe a toque if its cold out. 
    Guilty for doing this. :')


    ...apparently I need to be hanging out with more Canadians!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    charlotte989875MissKittyDangercowgirl8238
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Be grateful you still have friends and family, given how entitled and bratty you're being. 
  • Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....

    I was told that if you accidentally run into a Canadian, he or she gives you a doughnut.

    I would definitely say that is significantly nicer than other places.

    WTF?  I'm right across the border and run into them all of the time and I've never gotten a doughnut.

    That's it; I'm disqualifying OP as a Canadian.

    I give wine. We hoard the donuts.
    My (non-Canadian) city is getting a Tim Hortons.  It's going to be right by my work.  How good/bad can I expect this development to be?
    SP29MissKittyDanger
  • Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....

    I was told that if you accidentally run into a Canadian, he or she gives you a doughnut.

    I would definitely say that is significantly nicer than other places.

    WTF?  I'm right across the border and run into them all of the time and I've never gotten a doughnut.

    That's it; I'm disqualifying OP as a Canadian.

    I give wine. We hoard the donuts.
    My (non-Canadian) city is getting a Tim Hortons.  It's going to be right by my work.  How good/bad can I expect this development to be?
    IMO, it's not the best coffee ever, but it's a great price; less than $2 for a medium (which used to be the large). The whole menu is a good price; there are a lot of good combo options. When I was in university, sometimes for lunch I'd get the soup+bagel+tea/coffee combo, and it was under $6CAD. I've also occasionally gone for a quick breakfast- bacon and egg breakfast sandwich combo. The donuts are good- though I prefer the classics to a lot of the new "fancy" donuts they are bringing out (a good old Boston cream or powdered jelly).

    From what I understand, in the U.S. Tim Horton's either sink or swim. Here, they're ALWAYS busy. I also worked at Timmie's when I was a teenager for a year- appreciated the job, was glad to leave it!
    charlotte989875
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    You are really doing everything for your BM's. I don't know any bride who has paid for their BM's dress, jewelry and hair and makeup and bachelorette OR any bride who has paid for just 1 of those things. But also, at the same time, you chose to pay for those things so it wouldn't be fair to expect them to apologize, but saying thank you is in order. Unfortunately, manners is not something everyone has and to be resentful about it, at this point, would just cause you frustration since they wouldn't even understand what they did wrong.

    My impression of the whole situation is this: if it's uncharachteristic of your closest friends to not thank you for doing said things, it's because either a) your actions were never intended to be kind but to dress up said friends as props and they are feeling that or b) what you did wasn't that kind in the first place.

    Sure it's nice that OP paid for all of those things.  It's also nice when someone cooks you their favorite meal, but that doesn't mean they had your best intrests in mind.

    Now, onto more important things:  Timmy Hos.  I'm not a fan.  Aside from price, I don't get the addiction to their coffee and I have yet to find one that gets my bagel order right every time.  It's cinnamon raisin toasted, with cream cheese.  Not untoasted with butter, not plain with cream cheese, and it's certainly not a muffin.
    image
    OurWildKingdomYogaSandysparklepants41
  • @SaintPaulGal meh, even though I joked about them above its really hit or miss depending on the person. Some people love their coffee, others hate it. They are cheaper than many other similar places so that's good. I'm a fan of their sandwiches on road trips and stuff. Some regions of Canada it's like a religion. In my small town growing up it was the only place open late so that helped contribute to its popularity. The further east or north you go, the more popular it is. Vancouver, on the other hand, is full of snobs so it doesn't do very well here and Starbucks is king. 

    I heard that the term "double double" is due to timmies but not sure how true that is. 
    SP29
  • Ironring said:
    Can we nominate where we think the "nice place" is? Cuz I'm from Canada and we apologize and stuff.....
    Same. And I thought we were the nice place lmao ....

    I was told that if you accidentally run into a Canadian, he or she gives you a doughnut.

    I would definitely say that is significantly nicer than other places.

    WTF?  I'm right across the border and run into them all of the time and I've never gotten a doughnut.

    That's it; I'm disqualifying OP as a Canadian.

    I give wine. We hoard the donuts.
    My (non-Canadian) city is getting a Tim Hortons.  It's going to be right by my work.  How good/bad can I expect this development to be?
    Meh, donuts good, coffee bad.
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Mmm . . . Now I want donuts.
    SP29
  • Now I want Vivace coffee. Best damn coffee you'll ever have.

  • I love Tim Hortons.  They used to have several in my area, but recently they were all shut down--not enough Americans like it.  Now I have to go up north (closer to Bangor, ME) to find one.  I worked at one for a while, which was stressful since it's fast food, but I'm still willing to eat there, because ours was definitely clean and everything was always fresh.  I don't drink coffee, but they have a good selection of teas, and I love their turkey sausage.  Donuts were good, and the seasonal fall/winter stuff was AWESOME (pumpkin muffin with cream cheese frosting filling, topped with toasted pumpkin seeds; or a chocolate donut topped with crushed candy canes for Christmas).  Also in my area of the US, they only serve 2 soups a day so they rotate, but I know the chicken and rice is awesome and everyone loves the broccoli and cheddar.  My understanding is that, even though Canadians don't tip at restaurants, they will tip at Tim Hortons--we could tell when Canadians came to our store because of the way they ordered (double double for the coffee, ie) and because they'd tip.  We couldn't accept tips in the US, so we'd just add it to the charity jar or hang onto the change for when another customer was short.
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