Fiance's Boss Won't Give Time Off in Advance

Knottie1472236605

Hello all,

I'm looking for some advice (or positivity).  I'm currently trying to plan a wedding and my fiance's boss is throwing a wrench into our plans.  They are short staffed so only approving time off one month in advance.  He is from a country where most people don't get married anymore and if they do they just go to their local city hall and call it a day.

I've explained that things are different here and that most people take a year to plan (we were talking about 6 months originally, which I was ok with).  Dates fill up quickly, there is money on the line, etc.  While my fiance understands the importance, his boss does not.  

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?  Any suggestions?  Eloping is not really an option.  

levioosa

Knottie1472236605 said:

Hello all,

I'm looking for some advice (or positivity).  I'm currently trying to plan a wedding and my fiance's boss is throwing a wrench into our plans.  They are short staffed so only approving time off one month in advance.  He is from a country where most people don't get married anymore and if they do they just go to their local city hall and call it a day.

I've explained that things are different here and that most people take a year to plan (we were talking about 6 months originally, which I was ok with).  Dates fill up quickly, there is money on the line, etc.  While my fiance understands the importance, his boss does not.  

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?  Any suggestions?  Eloping is not really an option.  

Going to city hall and signing marriage papers is a wedding. They matter just as much as a big party.  

His boss is opposed to taking time off a month in advance for a wedding?  Or if you FI worded it as a vacation would that change things? 

[Deleted User]

Does he normally get a certain day off during the week? Like Saturday's and Sunday's? If so, plan the wedding for whatever day he normally gets off in the same city as where he works. And then, a month in advance, ask for more time off. If the answer is no, at least you get your wedding and can figure out when to go on a honeymoon or vacation later. If the answer is yes, you'll get the wedding and a honeymoon. 

If he works shift work and doesn't get a consistent day off, weddings can be planned within a month. Pick an off season, do all of your research ahead of time and have some tentative dates. I've had friends plan large (100 person) weddings in the span of weeks so it's definitely doable. 

southernbelle0915

Does he have sick days? If I were him, I would have an honest conversation with my boss like "I understand we are short staffed, but I'm trying to do the right thing and give you as much notice as possible so that you can plan staffing." A normal boss would appreciate that.  

justsie

Agree with Southernbelle, FI needs to talk with boss if he has sick days or PTO available and let boss know he needs to take some time off and is trying to be helpful. If he works shift work or doesn't have PTO/sick leave then it may be more difficult, but talking to the boss would be the best place to start. 

OliveOilsMom

I think more questions need to be answered before any helpful advice can be given.  Where is your FI?  It sounds like he is not currently in the country you are getting married in. 

Are you a long distance couple?  Will either one of you be moving closer to the other immediately following the wedding?  Can you just plan the wedding in that location? 

Also, how far in advance are you planning your wedding?  Is it coming up soon?  Have you even set a date?  FI's job is short handed now, but will it be in another 6 months, year?

Knottie1472236605

Thanks for all your advice.  To clear some things up, yes we are a long distance couple - I'm in the US and he is in Europe (which means he can just work up until Friday and have a Saturday wedding).  He would be flying to the US.  We aren't going to get married in his country because my family is in the US and his is spread all over, and we decided on the US.  I was trying to plan with 6 months in advance, but this new development means I will be planning more like 1 month in advance.

Honestly, I think his job will continue to be short handed as he is in a specialized field and the hiring process is a bit more complex.  

I didn't mean to imply that city hall weddings don't have the same weight -what I should have said is that people there rarely get married at all and if they do it is at the local city hall, so that is why culturally it might be hard for his boss to comprehend why it is so important for me to have a firm date 6 months out.

After reading all your advice I do feel better.  All he can do is try to explain it to his boss again and if that doesn't work I'll plan a wedding in one month and hope for the best!

[Deleted User]

Great attitude! And it might be a bit crazy to plan one month in advance, it is totally doable. I would really try to aim for an off season so that there is more selection of vendors.

Edit: oh and if people have to fly in, hopefully you can also aim for an off travelling season too so that they aren't paying crazy high plane tickets. 

OurWildKingdom

Knottie1472236605 said:

Hello all,

I'm looking for some advice (or positivity).  I'm currently trying to plan a wedding and my fiance's boss is throwing a wrench into our plans.  They are short staffed so only approving time off one month in advance.  He is from a country where most people don't get married anymore and if they do they just go to their local city hall and call it a day.

I've explained that things are different here and that most people take a year to plan (we were talking about 6 months originally, which I was ok with).  Dates fill up quickly, there is money on the line, etc.  While my fiance understands the importance, his boss does not.  

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?  Any suggestions?  Eloping is not really an option.  

You do know that's a real wedding, right?

SP29

I can understand why you are frustrated. I guess it's because I've always worked a job where I have at minimum14 days off per year. Sure, when I take those days and how many at a time is at the discretion of the boss, but I've never had a boss be inflexible- particularly when it comes to an event like a wedding.

I would have FI be very frank with his boss, "Boss, I'm getting married the the U.S. I need time off to fly in/out and make final preparations. I understand we are short staffed, but I am trying to give you as much notice as I can. At this time we are trying to plan a wedding in a 6 months- 1 year time frame. I would like to discuss when would be the best time frame for this and how much time I am able to be granted- ideally I would like X days around a weekend".

See how many days FI can get guaranteed now, and if in the month prior he can get additional days, then yay!

If not, do your best to plan a month in advance. It can be done! Good luck though! This would be something that would stress me out.

KatCtoKatA

I think I am super grateful to never have been at a job where my own wedding was not considered a good excuse for not being at work at the whim of my boss. This may not be the most mature attitude, but I would be hard pressed to not say, I am giving you the maximum notice possible, I will happily work with you to arrange maximum coverage around it, but I'm getting married on x day, with or without your permission. 

I mean, how long are you prepared to wait on the boss? Is this, we get married a month after the boss gives us approval, 6 months from now or a year from now or two years from now? If you are planning on moving internationally after the wedding, I suspect you will need more than 4 weeks notice.

Knottie1472236605

OurWildKingdom said:

Knottie1472236605 said:

Hello all,

I'm looking for some advice (or positivity).  I'm currently trying to plan a wedding and my fiance's boss is throwing a wrench into our plans.  They are short staffed so only approving time off one month in advance.  He is from a country where most people don't get married anymore and if they do they just go to their local city hall and call it a day.

I've explained that things are different here and that most people take a year to plan (we were talking about 6 months originally, which I was ok with).  Dates fill up quickly, there is money on the line, etc.  While my fiance understands the importance, his boss does not.  

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?  Any suggestions?  Eloping is not really an option.  

You do know that's a real wedding, right?

Yes I do - that's why I said "and if they do", which implies I know that it is a real wedding.  I never said anything about it not being real.  

OurWildKingdom

Knottie1472236605 said:

OurWildKingdom said:

Knottie1472236605 said:

Hello all,

I'm looking for some advice (or positivity).  I'm currently trying to plan a wedding and my fiance's boss is throwing a wrench into our plans.  They are short staffed so only approving time off one month in advance.  He is from a country where most people don't get married anymore and if they do they just go to their local city hall and call it a day.

I've explained that things are different here and that most people take a year to plan (we were talking about 6 months originally, which I was ok with).  Dates fill up quickly, there is money on the line, etc.  While my fiance understands the importance, his boss does not.  

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?  Any suggestions?  Eloping is not really an option.  

You do know that's a real wedding, right?

Yes I do - that's why I said "and if they do", which implies I know that it is a real wedding.  I never said anything about it not being real.  

I apologize, I was in a crummy mood earlier. You really do seem to have a good attitude about the situation. I shouldn't have come out swinging like that.

I hope everything works out. Please keep us posted.

madamerwin

Knottie1472236605 said:

Thanks for all your advice.  To clear some things up, yes we are a long distance couple - I'm in the US and he is in Europe (which means he can just work up until Friday and have a Saturday wedding).  He would be flying to the US.  We aren't going to get married in his country because my family is in the US and his is spread all over, and we decided on the US.  I was trying to plan with 6 months in advance, but this new development means I will be planning more like 1 month in advance.

Honestly, I think his job will continue to be short handed as he is in a specialized field and the hiring process is a bit more complex.  

I didn't mean to imply that city hall weddings don't have the same weight -what I should have said is that people there rarely get married at all and if they do it is at the local city hall, so that is why culturally it might be hard for his boss to comprehend why it is so important for me to have a firm date 6 months out.

After reading all your advice I do feel better.  All he can do is try to explain it to his boss again and if that doesn't work I'll plan a wedding in one month and hope for the best!

Okay, here's another thought... If you end up having to plan a wedding in one month, there is a good chance many guests may not be able to come (especially if they have to fly in from overseas and/or from different parts of the US to attend). This would be true of guests on both sides of the family.

However, if your FI has regular days off (say, he is always off on Saturdays), you could begin planning NOW for a wedding in his country a year - or more - from now. If your families have enough time to plan for the trip to Europe, you may end up with more people able to attend than if they have one month's notice. Buying a domestic airline ticket can cost a LOT a month out, depending on the time of year, but if you (general) have a year to book a flight to Europe, you may be able to find cheaper deals.

Basically, I would not rule out having the wedding in his home country, since you and your guests would have way more time to plan/budget for travel.

STARMOON44

Honestly I'd call bosses bluff. They are this short staffed? "Boss, I'm taking these dates off for my wedding."  Then do it. He's really going to fire FI for it? Unlikely. Weigh the risk to you of course.