Wedding Party

Out-of-town bridesmaids

Hello, I am new to posting here and not sure if this is the right place. I guess I'm just looking for some support because I am feeling a little sad and lost. I moved to the current town I'm in for a job about three years ago; I met my fiance here, who has grown up here and has all of his friends and family within a 10-mile radius of each other. My family is somewhat scattered over the country, and my parents live several states and an expensive plane ride away. The same goes for a lot of my close friends. I had a large group of close friends in college, but once we graduated and took different jobs we all seemed to go in different geographical directions. I have made a few friends in my current town, but only two or three that I would consider close.

My concerns are about the wedding party and activities such as bridal showers and bachelorette party. My bridesmaids consist of two friends in my current town, two friends from college who live several states away, and my sister, cousin, and stepsister who all live in different states. Since everyone is so scattered, I don't feel like I will have a lot of people to attend any festivities such as showers or bachelorette parties. My aunts and cousins and grandparents are all over the place, so there is not anyone local who I know would throw me a shower. In addition, my mother is in California and having some financial difficulties, and so I don't know how realistic it is that she would be able to attend a lot of things like showers and wedding dress shopping. I think that is one of the things that upsets me the most, as I always thought I would have my mom by my side for every step of this.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read this novel. I think I'm just feeling a little lost and saddened by all of this. Anyone else get married who had a lot of family, friends, and wedding party members living out of town?

Re: Out-of-town bridesmaids

  • My bridesmaids were in 5 cities in 3 different states. I myself lived ~5 hours from my hometown where we got married. My mom threw a shower for me, which my MOH was able to attend. My MIL threw another, and the only bridesmaid at that one was SIL. My mom also threw a lingerie shower/bachelorette two nights before the wedding, attended by all of my bridesmaids and the girlfriends/wives of H's attendants who were not in the wedding themselves.

    In any case, IMO, these kinds of events are a little overrated anyway. You will have a good time with your bridesmaids at the wedding even if that is the only related event they can attend.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We lived a 5 hour plane ride from our entire WP.   I still had a shower.  I had to travel to my sister's (moh) house (which was in my hometown) for the shower.  

    All but one attended.  That was because most lived within 4 hour drive of the my sister's house.  With my SILs traveling from DH's home town in a mini-van with my MIL and DH's cousins (4 hours away).

    If none of them were able to come, NBD.

    I didn't have a b-party.  Didn't miss it either.   Most of us did get together the day before the wedding and had lunch together.

    DH's b-party was 2 nights before the wedding when most of his GM's were in town.  They also attended the golf outing the day before.

    I get being disappointed, but those are the breaks when you are transient.

    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I understand the feelings you have as I had a similar situation.  I live in PA and had four BMs.  One BM lives in Hawaii, so I only got to see her the day before/day of the wedding.  Two lived near me, but didn't have a lot of the funds or time to attend or host any pre-wedding parties so only one of them made the Shower/Bach Party that my fourth BM and MIL hosted in NY.  Since my H and I grew up in NY and most of our family was there that is where many of the events took place, even though we married here.  I did go dress shopping in NY with my MIL and Mom, but I tend to make multiple trips that way anyway so it just worked out.  Everything else was planned by my FI and I, and this forum too,  with the occasional phone call to the family just to bounce off ideas and update on the progress.

    Did it kind of suck not having all my friends and family there during these events and the planning? Sure, but at the end of the day I still got married to my husband with everyone we wanted to be there in attendance!!!

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