I've posted previously about my cousin's wedding and it was this past weekend. We're not close but going by previous parties that side of the family has thrown we were excited to see what they had planned. And we were incredibly disappointed, they very obviously put their vision before their guest's comfort and it showed.
First, I never got an invite to the bridal shower, I only knew I was invited when my aunt asked my mom if I was going. Never got a thank you for my gift despite knowing they had my address because I did get the invitation (after almost having myself and my husband included on my parent's invite for some bizarre reason).
It was a whole weekend thing but the cheapest hotels started at ~$250/night with a two night minimum, so despite all the grandma guilt we didn't go to the Welcome drinks or farewell brunch. It was “black tie optional”, of course. The venue was ~3 hours from where just about every guest and family member lives, no one could explain why the couple chose the venue.
We got there a half hour before the ceremony start time on the invitation and were the first people there. A few others arrived about a quarter two and at the start time we were yelled at to go be seated. We sat wherever we felt like because no one actually told us if there were sides or if seats were reserved. The family in front of us got yelled at by staff because they sat in reserved seats, despite them not being marked in any way and no ushers. Half an hour after the start time the rabbi gave us a whole speech about how the couple wants us to be “present” and no phones would be allowed. She repeated the word “present” a few times and I rolled my eyes for everyone of you reading this We sat outside, in the cold mountain air, for 45 minutes before the processional started.
Ceremony ended, cocktail hour started with a bar that was terribly stocked. That's not a real complaint, but my husband ran through ~4 simple drinks with the bartender (being told “no!” everytime he asked for a different mixer, they told him no orange juice only to pull it out for the bridesmaid behind us in line) before finally settling on a rum and coke. It was getting dark, which meant it was getting colder. Like I said, mountains. Women were wearing their dates jackets and shivering, the staff lit a bonfire and then just wandered away while guests were left to tend to it. It died out and people were picking up random sticks to push it around. Dinner was in a tent outside, no flaps and no heaters. It was freezing. Our table was missing 2 place settings and when they were added you could tell they weren't supposed to be there, one ended up outside the tent and the other ended up back to back with another person. They started serving dinner and it was family style, which was fine for the salad but the rest of the food not so much. The band was playing and everyone was dancing while the servers were dropping off the food and then bolting, so the food sat at the tables for ~20 minutes before the band told people the next course was ready. So literally every course was cold, even if it wasn't intended to be. And the food was very specifically one type, so even if the food was hot a lot of people weren't wanting most of it because it wasn't very family friends. Spicy seafood and grits, dumplings that tasted like soggy bread, you could see where they were going with the theme but it didn't work at all.
My dad and my uncle both had their names misspelled on their place cards , too. Both very easy to spell names that can only be spelled one way. Both related to the bride by blood, so there's no excuse for that. The couple visited a handful of tables and that was it. No table visits, no receiving line, I literally did not say a single word to the couple the entire night because they were so focused on their immediate families and friends.
We got McDonald's on our way home because we were so hungry.
This is a warning to everyone who thinks their vision is more important than theirs guests comfort, they will notice and they will understand just how little you think of them. When people tell you to think about how your guests would feel I understand why you'd get defensive, but it's in your best interest to treat your guests with respect and not have them sit in a cold tent eating cold chicken and ignoring them.