Wedding Woes

Why is RSVPing so hard?

You'd think, from this experience, that RSVPing is super complicated.

- One RSVP received for 3 when 2 were clearly invited. 2 names written in.
- One RSVP with an X with a circle around it in the Accepts space and then no number written in the # of guests attending space. Is that a yes? Is it code for something?
- One RSVP with nothing next to either accepts or regrets, nothing written in the # of guests attending space, and None written in on dietary restrictions. Clearly that's a yes because if you're not coming, your dietary restrictions wouldn't matter, but come on.

45 RSVPs still MIA. (There are still 4 days until they're due so this isn't a complaint, but, I'm betting I'm not getting 45 RSVPs in the next 4 days).

Yesterday I was talking to a friend and I said something about an RSVP and she said "Oh, we were supposed to RSVP?"

No, I just put a self-addressed stamped envelope and an RSVP card in there for funsies.

Thanks for letting me vent. I need a drink.

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DrillSergeantCatcowgirl8238ernursejSP29MesmrEweeileenrobshort+sassyKatCtoKatA

Re: Why is RSVPing so hard?

  • It's been 10 years and I still remember the RSVP process being fraught with bullshit.  

    One of DH's former neighbors, whom we *only* invited the parents responded with 8 people.  We had to call them and explain that we'd only invited two,  not 8.  They didn't come to the wedding.  I never met them until MIL's funeral and when I realized who they were, I felt a little sheepish for a moment (even though we really did nothing wrong). 

    Just keep a stocked liquor cabinet.  ;) 
    drglitterSP29
  • CharmedPamCharmedPam Chicagoburbs
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    drglitter said:
    You'd think, from this experience, that RSVPing is super complicated.

    - One RSVP received for 3 when 2 were clearly invited. 2 names written in.
    - One RSVP with an X with a circle around it in the Accepts space and then no number written in the # of guests attending space. Is that a yes? Is it code for something?
    - One RSVP with nothing next to either accepts or regrets, nothing written in the # of guests attending space, and None written in on dietary restrictions. Clearly that's a yes because if you're not coming, your dietary restrictions wouldn't matter, but come on.

    45 RSVPs still MIA. (There are still 4 days until they're due so this isn't a complaint, but, I'm betting I'm not getting 45 RSVPs in the next 4 days).

    Yesterday I was talking to a friend and I said something about an RSVP and she said "Oh, we were supposed to RSVP?"

    No, I just put a self-addressed stamped envelope and an RSVP card in there for funsies.

    Thanks for letting me vent. I need a drink.

    I'm 2.5 weeks away from the deadline and I'm feeling antsy.  LOL.  I have a few who are going for sure because we're going back and forth on plans, but I like the mail in my mailbox......

    drglitter
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Because people are selfish dicks. We had to track down 75% of our guests after the deadline because it was apparently too hard to RSVP. We had 16 RSVP yes and then not show up and one person brought a guest when they hadn't RSVPd for one. 
    drglitter
  • I hear ya. I am not worried about it but it is annoying. I have the same rsvp deadline as you. I have about 1/2 of them still out, or about 90 people. Luckily, there has only been one questionable card so far. FMIL's BFF was invited with her boyfriend, she return it with just her name written in and nothing written on the "number attending" line. It was cleared up pretty quickly.
    The most frustrating part is my immediate family. I have literally 0 rsvps from my mom (stepdad, 2 little brothers), dad, sister (sister's boyfriend). Considering they all need to still get airline tickets I don't feel like I can just assume they are coming. 
    DrillSergeantCatdrglitter
  • One of my BM's family was coming {I grew up being there all the time, so I couldn't imagine them not there} and her family completely forgot to send back the RSVP.
    My BM wasn't surprised, she's the one who asked me when the deadline was to ensure they sent it back lmao

    Also my coworker has 2 young kids and busy schedule, she'll openly admit she completely forgets to RSVP to things often.

    I think people sometimes just blank on things, I don't think it's intentionally rude for many
    OurWildKingdomdrglitter
  • I had to call/email about 25 RSVPs. Most thought that back when we were engaged and letting people know about the date and they said "oh yeah, we'll be there" that they didn't have to RSVP 9 months later. A lot can change in 9 months.

    I do feel like the art of RSVPing has been lost.

    DrillSergeantCatdrglittershort+sassy
  • Sometimes I think there is a bit of a trend towards being very casual in today's society regarding social events (where as not so many decades ago, people RSVP'd with their own stationary, and an RSVP insert would be considered rude- excuse me? you don't think I know how to RSVP?!?!?), and thus people aren't brought up to RSVP so they don't carry it along to more formal events. But at the same time, I'm a "young" person and I RSVP to all events; same with *most* of my friends. We had a few people that we had to track down for RSVPs and most of them were older generations.

    I also think though that someone who doesn't RSVP for a wedding is the same person who doesn't RSVP for anything, or who would use the excuse of "being busy" for anything.

    Drink up OP! Give it some time yet, expect people not to mail the RSVP until the deadline itself. But I hear you on being frustrated.
    drglitter
  • Because people are selfish dicks. We had to track down 75% of our guests after the deadline because it was apparently too hard to RSVP. We had 16 RSVP yes and then not show up and one person brought a guest when they hadn't RSVPd for one. 
    We had some in that situation and it annoyed the shit out of me. ILs were super generous in hosting, and the per-head cost was insane. We had something like 10 people RSVP yes and not show - about $2K that could have been saved, and only 2 of those people had a legit reason (one was in a car accident driving to our wedding and spent 2 weeks in the hospital - we found out after the honeymoon and were glad to hear she was ok, the other had ongoing health issues and had dropped out of the wedding party because of them - she was attending as a guest if she could but landed in the hospital the night before, and wasn't up to driving herself 2-3 hours each way.)
    drglitter
  • we had one person (a friend of DK's that I had never met) tell us way in advance that she had a family wedding that day and couldn't make ours. we said that was fine and never sent her a formal invite since we knew it was already a  decline. 

    apparently she was all butthurt not to get an invite and told DK. She ended up deciding to skip the family wedding and come to ours, so forced DK to send her an invite about 2 weeks after we sent them out. There was a bit of drama post wedding, and then about a year or so later she caused a ridiculous amount of drama over more butthurt feelings and DK decided to dump her as a friend. some of the e-mails about her butthurt were epic. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    *Barbie* said:
    we had one person (a friend of DK's that I had never met) tell us way in advance that she had a family wedding that day and couldn't make ours. we said that was fine and never sent her a formal invite since we knew it was already a  decline. 

    apparently she was all butthurt not to get an invite and told DK. She ended up deciding to skip the family wedding and come to ours, so forced DK to send her an invite about 2 weeks after we sent them out. There was a bit of drama post wedding, and then about a year or so later she caused a ridiculous amount of drama over more butthurt feelings and DK decided to dump her as a friend. some of the e-mails about her butthurt were epic. 
    Well, that was a mistake on your part.  

    Same thing happened to me.   My cousin was getting married in mid-august and I told her before the invites went out I wouldn't be able to attend because of work.  Fast forward to the time the invites went out, the boat I worked on had to be hulled out a few week earlier than normal.  I was now able to attend.  Although I couldn't because she never sent out an invite.    

    Point is, if you invite someone verbally or via STD and they tell you far out they can't come, you still send an invite because things happen and they might now be able to attend.

    Doesn't excuse the post-wedding drama, but you should have still extended the invite.



    RSVPs were not an issue for me.  I had a few the post office delivered late (the post mark was WAY before the RSVP date, so the guests did nothing wrong).  A few invites never made it to the guest.  Can't RSVP to something you never received.  After that there were a couple we had to track down. One was my cousin who found our filled out and sealed RSVP between his seats.  Out of sight, out of mind.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    drglitter
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    *Barbie* said:
    We had some in that situation and it annoyed the shit out of me. ILs were super generous in hosting, and the per-head cost was insane. We had something like 10 people RSVP yes and not show - about $2K that could have been saved, and only 2 of those people had a legit reason (one was in a car accident driving to our wedding and spent 2 weeks in the hospital - we found out after the honeymoon and were glad to hear she was ok, the other had ongoing health issues and had dropped out of the wedding party because of them - she was attending as a guest if she could but landed in the hospital the night before, and wasn't up to driving herself 2-3 hours each way.)
    One couple had a semi-legit reason, her bf's mom was in the hospital. Another couple said "we're just not into weddings." Okay great, don't RSVP and make me spend money on your food. Another couple is having some fairly public marital issues and didn't "want to answer questions about it." Another lives in another state and said she had an employee call in sick that day, but to me if you're going to an OOT wedding, you leave the day before. As for the rest? No idea. Not even polite enough to call and apologize for not making it. 
    drglitter
  • lyndausvi said:
    *Barbie* said:
    we had one person (a friend of DK's that I had never met) tell us way in advance that she had a family wedding that day and couldn't make ours. we said that was fine and never sent her a formal invite since we knew it was already a  decline. 

    apparently she was all butthurt not to get an invite and told DK. She ended up deciding to skip the family wedding and come to ours, so forced DK to send her an invite about 2 weeks after we sent them out. There was a bit of drama post wedding, and then about a year or so later she caused a ridiculous amount of drama over more butthurt feelings and DK decided to dump her as a friend. some of the e-mails about her butthurt were epic. 

    Point is, if you invite someone verbally or via STD and they tell you far out they can't come, you still send an invite because things happen and they might now be able to attend.

    Doesn't excuse the post-wedding drama, but you should have still extended the invite.


    We didn't do STDs.

    We actually never did invite her verbally or informally - she knew of the date through mutual friends and assumed she was going to be invited. She hadn't been invited to the shower or bachelorette, either, so it's not like we had invited her to any pre-wedding events and not the actual wedding. 

    I agree that it would be rude to not invite someone (assuming no other issues) after sending a STD or inviting them to other pre-wedding events.

    DK was actually undecided about inviting her (I hadn't met her, but I wasn't a fan), so when she preemptively told him she couldn't make it, he figured there was no point in sending an invite. 

    also, it's been more than 10 years since this happened, and he hasn't spoken to her in 8+, so really, no great loss. the girl is BSC.
  • I almost missed RSVPing to a wedding.  They were doing it online, but the info to RSVP was on the back of the invite.  I didn't think to look on the back and it didn't register at first that there was no rsvp card so I waited weeks.  I didn't miss the window though.
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