Etiquette

Far-away venue?

Hey all--

I don't know if this is properly an etiquette or a "destination wedding" kinda question, but in another thread on the etiquette board I was reading some complaints about having to drive 3+ hours to get to a wedding venue so now I'm a little concerned.

My fiance is from Rhode Island so we're planning a New England wedding.  We've ended up falling in absolutely love with a venue in New Hampshire.

The venue is about a three-hour drive from where the vast majority of his family and friends live in Rhode Island.  My family and friends are all in the Midwest and DC.

Our plan is to get blocks of hotel rooms in both Keene, NH (about 15 minutes from where the venue is located) for folks driving up, and in Manchester, NH (an hour from where the venue is located) for folks flying in.  (There are also some AirBNBs for rent about 5 minutes away that we'd let guests know about, if they want to rent those rather than a hotel room).  Then we'd rent buses to get people to and from Keene/Manchester the day of.

Additionally, on the property where the venue is located, there are three large (8+ person) cabins available to rent, which we'd rent for the bridal party.

I thought we had it all figured out, but now I'm worried about it!  Obviously, we won't be hurt if people choose not to attend because it's too much travelling or too big a hassle.  But is it actually a rude thing to do?

If this is properly on the destination wedding board please let me know.

Thanks!

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Re: Far-away venue?

  • Quick question - do you mean that you want people to stay in the hotels in Manchester the night after the wedding? I don't know what your timing is for your wedding (sounds like it's too early to know), but as a guest I don't think i would want to travel an hour each way on a shuttle before and after the wedding.... especially after if it's late! I'm from NH so I understand your thought process (airport in Manchester so easy access), I'm just curious what your thought process is on the travel for flyers.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • Quick question - do you mean that you want people to stay in the hotels in Manchester the night after the wedding? I don't know what your timing is for your wedding (sounds like it's too early to know), but as a guest I don't think i would want to travel an hour each way on a shuttle before and after the wedding.... especially after if it's late! I'm from NH so I understand your thought process (airport in Manchester so easy access), I'm just curious what your thought process is on the travel for flyers.
    Hrrm, you're right.  My main concern was making sure no one had to eat the expense of renting a car to either drive to the ceremony or to the hotels in Keene from the Manchester airport.  

    Would it make sense to have a location in Manchester near the airport where shuttles could take people to and from the hotels in Keene, and then shuttle buses taking people from Keene to the venue and back?  Although we'd still need shuttles to get folks back from Keene to Manchester the next day, I guess.

    Maybe I hadn't worked out all the logistics as perfectly as I thought I had.  Crud.

    image
  • No, your plan does not sound rude. There's some logistics to be worked out it sounds like but it sounds like you are trying to take your guests into account. 

    I think the issue in the other thread was that it was far away and the only hotels were very expensive. 
    ei34
  • Aww NH.  Love it.  My parents' second home is in Lincoln.   :)
    It's not rude to have a destination wedding as long as you've provided guests with hotel options in various price points that aren't too far from your venue. Opinions on "too far" varies...I'd say within a 30-min drive if possible.  The shuttles are a nice touch but not mandatory.
  • Some thoughts re: cabins for the wedding party.

    1. Don't require them to stay there (you probably knew that part already, but I like to cover all the bases for the sake of lurkers)
    2. In offering the cabins, do not ask them to pay (though you seem to be indicating you would cover the rental) and please do offer the space to any SOs/dates who are attending the wedding but not in the wedding party. It sucks to have a place to stay that is not welcoming to one's other half.
    3. Make it clear what amenities (or lack thereof) come with these cabins and what the sleeping arrangements are like. I do not 'rough it' and I would not be pleased about potentially sharing a bedroom with people I do not know.
    4. Don't be offended/upset if any or all choose not to take you up on the offer. Disappointed, sure. But be prepared they may not like the idea as much as you do.

    ***STUCK IN BOX***

    We're planning on paying for the cabins and definitely won't require them to stay there if they don't want.  I hadn't thought about the room sharing thing though -- the description of each says that a certain number of people can stay in each but doesn't say if any rooms are shared, so I'll find out that info and let the bridal party know far in advance so they can pick a diff place if they want.  Thanks!

    image
  • @ginnybinny17 I agree with @STARMOON44, I wouldn't even deal with a hotel in Manchester. If people want to come they will rent a car and drive themselves. Shuttles would be messy to deal with.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • A wedding with travel is not rude. You may have guests decline an invitation due to travel, but it is not rude in itself.

    Sounds like you've got some good options for hotels and shuttles. I do agree that I would not choose to stay at a hotel 1 hour away from the venue. Even with a shuttle, I would not want to travel one hour each way- I would expect your guests to want to leave early if this is the case.

    Hotel blocks are good- variety is good here (location and price point), but I would pick hotels close to your venue (within 30 mins). Let your guests be adults and figure out their travel plans. Hotel shuttles are always nice, but not required.
  • edited September 2016
    I'd don't think it's rude. My SIL got married near Lincoln NH this summer (she lives in Manchester but everyone is OOT) and had a hotel block at the resort and then again in town. No need for one near the airport. Additionally everyone flew in to Boston anyway because flights were cheaper and at more convenient times. I'd stick to room blocks in Keene and a shuttle. 

    I will say too, she did have a number of guests decide not to make the trip because it was too far/inconvenient. People that had come to Buffalo for our wedding (from PA) that couldn't/didn't want to fly or drive that far. That can be one of the downsides of a wedding with travel. 

    ETF words. 
  • I'd don't think it's rude. My SIL got married near Lincoln NH this summer (she lives in Manchester but everyone is OOT) and had a hotel block at the resort and then again in town. No need for one near the hotel. Additionally everyone flew in to Boston anyway because flights were cheaper and at more convenient times. I'd stick to room blacks in Keene and a shuttle. 

    I will say too, she did have a number of guests decide not to make the trip because it was too far/inconvenient. People that had come to Buffalo for our wedding (from PA) that couldn't/didn't want to fly or drive that far. That can be one of the downsides of a wedding with travel. 
    This is a really great point - Manchester has very limited flights/times. For example, I used to live in Philly and there were only like 1 or 2 flights a day that I could get to Manchester. Once I moved, my brother still lived there and they stopped those flights all together, so he had to start flying to Boston. 

    I live in Boston now and if your wedding is near Keene, that's going to be almost a 2 hour drive if people fly into Boston. Just something to keep in mind! :)

    FWIW, there are a lot of venues in NH that I would have preferred over the venue that we landed on. However, I decided that I'd rather have more people be able to make the trip so we picked a venue that was halfway between my family and H's family, instead of a venue in NH that would just be near my family. It all boils down to what's most important to you, whether or not your VIPs and other guests will do the travel, etc.
    charlotte989875lc07
  • Controversial statement ahead, and I apologize, but I have never understood how this situation gets a pass when other things that make the event harder or less pleasant for guests (rightly) don't.  Getting married in a destination that is far away/difficult to get to for the majority of your guests seems to me like the very definition of putting "vision" ahead of guest comfort.

    It doesn't sound like the OP and her partner live in this location.  It's not where a big chunk of the friends or family are located.  It's not between where the families live.  The only thing that this place has going for it is that it fits their vision so they "fell in love" with it.

    This is absolutely not an attack on the OP.  The fact that she is conscientious enough to ask the question means that she cares about her guests' comfort. But I have always wondered why the standard response was that this sort of thing is fine but a standing ceremony or a gap or a reception far from the ceremony or a million other vision-over-comfort things are a hard "no."
    InLoveInQueenslovesclimbing
  • Some thoughts re: cabins for the wedding party.

    1. Don't require them to stay there (you probably knew that part already, but I like to cover all the bases for the sake of lurkers)
    2. In offering the cabins, do not ask them to pay (though you seem to be indicating you would cover the rental) and please do offer the space to any SOs/dates who are attending the wedding but not in the wedding party. It sucks to have a place to stay that is not welcoming to one's other half.
    3. Make it clear what amenities (or lack thereof) come with these cabins and what the sleeping arrangements are like. I do not 'rough it' and I would not be pleased about potentially sharing a bedroom with people I do not know.
    4. Don't be offended/upset if any or all choose not to take you up on the offer. Disappointed, sure. But be prepared they may not like the idea as much as you do.

    ***STUCK IN BOX***

    We're planning on paying for the cabins and definitely won't require them to stay there if they don't want.  I hadn't thought about the room sharing thing though -- the description of each says that a certain number of people can stay in each but doesn't say if any rooms are shared, so I'll find out that info and let the bridal party know far in advance so they can pick a diff place if they want.  Thanks!
    Definitely get the info on those cabins. A cabin that sleeps 8 might mean 2 bedrooms each with 2 beds, and 2 pull-out sofas, for example. And have one bathroom. And virtually NO room to put stuff or walk around with the sofas pulled out. In essence, a cabin that "sleeps 8" might be better off for 2 couples and not 8 individuals!
    PrettyGirlLostshort+sassy
  • Having flown into Manchester from the MW multiple times including this past August - IMO, if your wedding is up by Keene, don't do your blocks in Manchester, no one wants to drive an hour and a half (Keene to MCO) after they've been at a wedding all day to just get to their hotel room.  Your guests are adults, let them figure it out.  In many cases they'll find better hotel deals on their own than they will for a block!  The only thing I'd make sure is that your guests coming in from the MW know to plan for the tolls that are around there.  Also, typing in the directions, that's an hour and a half from Manchester airport to Keene. 

    In a way though, your location is a DW for all involved.  Own it...

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited October 2016
    Our wedding was OOT for everyone and almost 2 hours to the most convenient airport (Philly).  Atlantic city was closer, but has few flights so Philly was the preferred airport.    

    It never occurred to us to get rooms in Philly.   I don't know many people who would have wanted to drive that far after a night wedding.

    Like others said keep the room block closer to the venue.  If people want to stay in Manchester nothing is stopping them from booking on their own.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    MesmrEwe
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MandyMost said:
    Controversial statement ahead, and I apologize, but I have never understood how this situation gets a pass when other things that make the event harder or less pleasant for guests (rightly) don't.  Getting married in a destination that is far away/difficult to get to for the majority of your guests seems to me like the very definition of putting "vision" ahead of guest comfort.

    It doesn't sound like the OP and her partner live in this location.  It's not where a big chunk of the friends or family are located.  It's not between where the families live.  The only thing that this place has going for it is that it fits their vision so they "fell in love" with it.

    This is absolutely not an attack on the OP.  The fact that she is conscientious enough to ask the question means that she cares about her guests' comfort. But I have always wondered why the standard response was that this sort of thing is fine but a standing ceremony or a gap or a reception far from the ceremony or a million other vision-over-comfort things are a hard "no."
    You can have a party wherever you want and people can choose to attend or not. It's not rude to have a party in a random location, nor is it rude to refuse to go to a party in a random location. It's different from other pre-event etiquette gaffs, like not inviting a significant other, or sending a save-the-date and then not an invite, because you are not offending any individuals by having a party somewhere that's inconvenient for them. And it's different for during-event etiquette gaffs because once you're there at the party, you should expect to be treated well, no matter where the party is. No gap, not cash bar, etc. If you're throwing a party it's a party for your guests NOT for yourself, that's the basics. You can throw it wherever you want, but if people show up you treat them well!

    Essentially, as the party-thrower, you are responsible for the etiquette of how the invite goes out, and what happens when people show up at the location. How people get there (or don't get there) is really none of your business, which is why it has nothing to do with etiquette. 
    I agree with this except for when there's an entrance fee or the equivalent.



    SP29
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