FMIL RSVP

Knottie1441809165

Due to some recent drama with my future in-laws (too much to get into) my FMIL and FFIL reluctantly RSVPed to be at the ceremony for my upcoming wedding - about two weeks away. To be honest, we're not sure if they're even coming to the ceremony even though all planning with vendors is including them (i.e. walk down the aisle, readings, etc.) My FH is obviously upset about this, but is over fighting with him family regarding who should be in the wedding and our choices as we move forward in our life together. Our final head count is due in a few days and despite current events, my FH and his family are very close. I want to reach out to my FMIL to give her one last chance to attend both the ceremony and reception because I think she will regret not going to her oldest sons wedding. I think a simple "Hey, we're working on final arrangements and just wanted to see if you and FFIL had reconsidered coming to the reception. We would love to have you both there to share this special time but don't have much time to make changes" would suffice.

Looking for any ideas/helpful hints for preventing to turn this into a fight. Thank you in advance for your suggestions  

Jen4948

I would stay out of it and let your FH handle things with his parents.

charlotte989875

 Knottie1441809165 said:

Due to some recent drama with my future in-laws (too much to get into) my FMIL and FFIL reluctantly RSVPed to be at the ceremony for my upcoming wedding - about two weeks away. To be honest, we're not sure if they're even coming to the ceremony even though all planning with vendors is including them (i.e. walk down the aisle, readings, etc.) My FH is obviously upset about this, but is over fighting with him family regarding who should be in the wedding and our choices as we move forward in our life together. Our final head count is due in a few days and despite current events, my FH and his family are very close. I want to reach out to my FMIL to give her one last chance to attend both the ceremony and reception because I think she will regret not going to her oldest sons wedding. I think a simple "Hey, we're working on final arrangements and just wanted to see if you and FFIL had reconsidered coming to the reception. We would love to have you both there to share this special time but don't have much time to make changes" would suffice.

Looking for any ideas/helpful hints for preventing to turn this into a fight. Thank you in advance for your suggestions  

They RSVPed yes, so leave it at that. If something else comes up let your FI deal with them. 

If you want to be safe ask your caterer how they deal with two additional people at the reception than your final numbers in case they decide to show up. 

ei34

Knottie1441809165 said:

I think a simple "Hey, we're working on final arrangements and just wanted to see if you and FFIL had reconsidered coming to the reception. We would love to have you both there to share this special time but don't have much time to make changes" would suffice.

Looking for any ideas/helpful hints for preventing to turn this into a fight. Thank you in advance for your suggestions  

If you're trying to extend an olive branch, maybe send the text but end it with "special time"...they are probably aware of deadlines.  I ditto PP though, I'd let my FI handle his family.

SP29

I would not say anything.

Include them both in your head counts for the ceremony+reception.

If you want to extend an olive branch, go ahead and talk to them, but leave your wedding out of it. They received the invitation. They know the date and location. They RSVP'd "yes" already. There is nothing more to ask, they are either going to show, or they won't. And asking, particularly after they've alredy RSVP'd, "head counts are due, are you coming?", I think will only had more fuel to the fire.

kimmiinthemitten

I'm confused, if they RSVP'ed yes why do you need to follow up and ask them if they're coming?

I think if FH wants them there that badly, he needs to say "Mom, I'm really excited to see you on x day."

MobKaz

kimmiinthemitten said:

I'm confused, if they RSVP'ed yes why do you need to follow up and ask them if they're coming?

I think if FH wants them there that badly, he needs to say "Mom, I'm really excited to see you on x day."

It sounds as if they RSVP'd for the ceremony only.  OP wants to extend a final invitation for them to consider attending the reception as well.

kimmiinthemitten

MobKaz said:

kimmiinthemitten said:

I'm confused, if they RSVP'ed yes why do you need to follow up and ask them if they're coming?

I think if FH wants them there that badly, he needs to say "Mom, we've reserved two seats in your names, and  I'm really excited  hope you'll stay to see you on x day."

It sounds as if they RSVP'd for the ceremony only.  OP wants to extend a final invitation for them to consider attending the reception as well.

Gotcha; thanks! - edited my response above.  Place your relationship with them above the cost of 2 extra dinners.

missfrodo

Yeah, I'd submit my final catering numbers as if they're coming to the reception.  Give them seats at a table.  That way you're covered if they do decide to come; if they no-show, at least you'll know you were prepared.  I wouldn't bring it up with the FILs again, though.  

lnixon8

Ditto PPS but no one has mentioned the reading/walking down the aisle.  If its not too late I would skip programs if they dictate who is walking with whom/when- it will just call attention if they don't show up. Ask someone else to do the readings.

OliveOilsMom

I would get a back up for the reading, just in case.  If I were a close friend, I would have no problem being a back up reader in case the parents don't show.

You should not do anything.  If anything, your FI should reach out and say that even though they said they were only attending the ceremony, you will have seats for them at the reception with their siblings or whoever.  It shows that your FI would like for them to come.  It may also say, without it being verbally said, that it will be obvious to other guests if they do not show up to the reception.  Sometimes saving face with relatives is greater than being stubborn about a fight.

levioosa

I'm all for cutting shitty people out of my life.  But I'm also a fan of making life as easy as possible.  It doesn't sound like you are at the "cutting out" phase with the in-laws, so I would just suck up the extra $200 and count them as attending both ceremony and reception.  Ball will be in their court, they are free to attend or leave after the ceremony, and you will have been a gracious host. If you like, you can take OliveOilsMom's suggestion about FI reaching out to them.  Then, regardless what happens, you will have risen above, and if you mend things, the wedding won't be as bitter of a memory.  If you chose to cut them out eventually, you'll know you were gracious about the wedding.