Wedding Woes

Resident Snow White (Prudie #8)

Dear Prudence,
I’m constantly cleaning up after my roommates, “Kerry” and “Dinah,” who are sisters. While Kerry is a more considerate roommate overall, she is a messy cook and leaves spilled food/dirty dishes all over the kitchen. She’ll return to clean up later, but usually it’s after I’ve cleaned up (I need to use the kitchen, too!) and she never wipes up her spills. Dinah drives me up the wall: She’s a pack rat, never puts anything away, never takes out the recycling, dirty dishes on the counters, etc. They’re both aware of how much the mess stresses me out. Kerry sometimes cleans with me during the week, but Dinah cleans irregularly and follows me around the house to talk at me while I clean. I’ve spoken to them both about wiping up spills and washing dishes (we don’t have a dishwasher), but after a year I still feel like their maid. Should I break down and hire a cleaning service?

—Resident Snow White

Re: Resident Snow White (Prudie #8)

  • I'm thinking chore chart might be useful. That it can be a passive-aggressive way of showing they need to do their share.

    Or come out and say it.
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer

    Move out?


    OliveOilsMomshort+sassykimmiinthemitten
  • bleve0821bleve0821 The Shire member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    From my experience, this kind of behavior won't change.  I have had the roommates from hell on a number of different occasions.  Chore charts will be ignored.  If LW hires a cleaning service, all the costs will be on her.  I would bet dollars to donuts that she won't see a dime towards any of those bills.  Passive-aggressive notes won't work, and they'll create resentment and hard feelings.  It sounds like LW has had discussions with her roommates (if they are aware that the messes stress her out), and nothing has come of them.  Why would that change now, if it hasn't in the past?

    I would just stop cleaning up.  Buy a rice cooker and a slow cooker, and prep and cook meals outside of the kitchen.  At this point, cleaning up after the others is just going to propagate this cycle, because the roommates now take it for granted that LW will do it for them.  If Kerry actually does return later to clean up after herself, she'll start once LW stops cleaning up her messes.  Dinah... well, that probably won't change.

    Tough luck, buttercup, but LW needs to adapt or move out.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

    charlotte989875
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Also, unless the maid is 24/7, how is this going to help her? There's still going to be a mess after every meal. She needs to either speak up, shut up, or move out. Things aren't likely to change at this point. 


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    short+sassylc07
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    So, after years of living with H, I've learned that my definition and comfort level of clean =/= others' definition and comfort level of clean. 

    If LW wants the place to be clean to her standards, she needs to do it (or pay for a cleaning service). Or move out. But she can't expect these other women to adhere to her cleanliness needs.
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    charlotte989875short+sassykimmiinthemitten
  • So, after years of living with H, I've learned that my definition and comfort level of clean =/= others' definition and comfort level of clean. 

    If LW wants the place to be clean to her standards, she needs to do it (or pay for a cleaning service). Or move out. But she can't expect these other women to adhere to her cleanliness needs.
    This.  There is no way to objectively know if these two sisters are really such messy pigs or if the LW is an obsessive clean freak.  And in the end it doesn't matter--unless it is an actual health hazard, it's all about preferences/comfort levels anyway.  When the one roommate comes back later to clean up after her cooking mess, does that mean "later" when she is done eating the food she made or "later" by days?  And are the food spills purifying meat juices everywhere or a few drips of soup on the spoon rest?

    I think getting a maid is a good idea if it's affordable, but I agree that it won't solve the problem of a daily mess if the professional comes in, say, every week or two.  In the end, it may be best to find a more compatible roommate.
  • I want to know if this place is a roach infested hellhole or if the LW is just overreacting. 

    It sounds like the LW just isn't compatible with the others and needs to find roommates that have similar standards. 
    OliveOilsMomShesSoColdcowgirl8238
  • I've lived in this situation, and as much I would clean up the messy bastards I lived with would turn the place upside down just as quickly. Once we had workmen coming to do work on the bathroom so I asked them to kindly put away the pile of dirty underpants that they would just leave in the corner when they had a shower. They huffed and puffed but they cleared them away.......until I discovered that they had simply kicked them all into the bathroom cupboard. I moved out 2wks later, it was the last straw.

    Snow white needs to get out or be prepared to live in filth.
                 
    OliveOilsMomshort+sassy
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I think LW needs to move out on her own or find new roommates.  This will only continue to cause frustrations for her.  Don't pay for a maid, save that extra money she would have been spending and put it towards a new place.
  • So, after years of living with H, I've learned that my definition and comfort level of clean =/= others' definition and comfort level of clean. 

    If LW wants the place to be clean to her standards, she needs to do it (or pay for a cleaning service). Or move out. But she can't expect these other women to adhere to her cleanliness needs.

    I largely agree with this, except I think at least cleaning up immediately after a spill is a basic standard she can/should expect.

    I'm a messy housekeeper myself.  I was definitely rolling my eyes at her complaint that the "better" roommate, will do the dishes the same night, but usually a few hours later.  And that wasn't good enough for her.  Yeah, girl.  You need to be living by yourself or with another clean freak.

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    OliveOilsMom
  • I've lived in this situation, and as much I would clean up the messy bastards I lived with would turn the place upside down just as quickly. Once we had workmen coming to do work on the bathroom so I asked them to kindly put away the pile of dirty underpants that they would just leave in the corner when they had a shower. They huffed and puffed but they cleared them away.......until I discovered that they had simply kicked them all into the bathroom cupboard. I moved out 2wks later, it was the last straw.

    Snow white needs to get out or be prepared to live in filth.

    Wow!  Ummm...because it was so hard to take 30 seconds, pick them up, and take them to wherever the hamper was?

    I wouldn't have said anything and then hoped for pervy workmen.  Who would have picked them all up to keep.  Problem solved.

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    glasgowtolondoncowgirl8238kimmiinthemitten
  • I've lived in this situation, and as much I would clean up the messy bastards I lived with would turn the place upside down just as quickly. Once we had workmen coming to do work on the bathroom so I asked them to kindly put away the pile of dirty underpants that they would just leave in the corner when they had a shower. They huffed and puffed but they cleared them away.......until I discovered that they had simply kicked them all into the bathroom cupboard. I moved out 2wks later, it was the last straw.

    Snow white needs to get out or be prepared to live in filth.

    Wow!  Ummm...because it was so hard to take 30 seconds, pick them up, and take them to wherever the hamper was?

    I wouldn't have said anything and then hoped for pervy workmen.  Who would have picked them all up to keep.  Problem solved.

    As it turned out, yes! They were so gross.
                 
    short+sassycowgirl8238
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