Engagement party/gathering

ellamber

So, my FFIL wants to host an "engagement party" for us in a few weeks. I spoke with FI and we both agreed it would be better if it was just an informal get together, not an engagement party but more just a family gathering since we still havent finalized a guest list, and wouldn't want someone to be invited who wasn't invited to the wedding.

Anyway, my problem is that his dad is still calling it an Engagement party, and it went from a backyard gathering to possibly being at the Yacht club. I'm worried that people will be invited who aren't on our guest list... I just have a bit of anxiety about it over all. Should we offer him a small list of guests that we KNOW we are inviting to the wedding? Or just let it go and let him plan whatever hes planning and be grateful for it? 

ILoveBeachMusic

Your FI needs to talk to his Dad and explain you haven't finalized your guest list yet (of course you wouldn't invite everyone on the guest list anyway). FI could ask him who he wanted to invite to the EP and see if they are people you would definitely invite anyway. If you aren't sure, give him a list of people that you know will be invited to the wedding. If people are invited to the EP, they will expect to be invited to the wedding.

ellamber

I'll have FI talk to him again. His dad can be hard to rein in at times. We will find out who is invited and try to navigate from there, FI says it will just be aunts/uncles that would be invited to the wedding anyway but it doesnt hurt to check.

ei34

If he's the type to get carried away, this EP/whatever it's being considered can be practice at reigning him in when it comes to your wedding (if he's helping to pay).  I love PP tip to check his guest list for the upcoming party and just ensuring everyone on it will be invited to your wedding anyway.  The simplest way your FI can put it is that only guests invited to the wedding can be invited to pre-wedding parties. 

ellamber

I agree... where we start to lose control is FI. He's the weak link. He is very beat around the bush, dont step on toes, we dont want to offend, etc when dealing with his family, whereas Im straight to the point. FI and I are on the same page, so within the next week or two when we get ahold of his plans we can get an idea of his guest list. We did trim it again last night and took off a bunch of FFIL friends and extended family so we will have to let him know. He's also not paying for any of the wedding, so there should be no problem there.

Also-- I'm assuming any possible gifts received would need a thank you immediately.. correct?

glasgowtolondon

amberdaisy1005 said:

I agree... where we start to lose control is FI. He's the weak link. He is very beat around the bush, dont step on toes, we dont want to offend, etc when dealing with his family, whereas Im straight to the point. FI and I are on the same page, so within the next week or two when we get ahold of his plans we can get an idea of his guest list. We did trim it again last night and took off a bunch of FFIL friends and extended family so we will have to let him know. He's also not paying for any of the wedding, so there should be no problem there.

Also-- I'm assuming any possible gifts received would need a thank you immediately.. correct?

Just like any time you receive presents, thank you cards should be sent in a timely manner. I mean, no one will cry if you don't do it the day after but certainly the sooner the better.

ellamber

glasgowtolondon said:

amberdaisy1005 said:

I agree... where we start to lose control is FI. He's the weak link. He is very beat around the bush, dont step on toes, we dont want to offend, etc when dealing with his family, whereas Im straight to the point. FI and I are on the same page, so within the next week or two when we get ahold of his plans we can get an idea of his guest list. We did trim it again last night and took off a bunch of FFIL friends and extended family so we will have to let him know. He's also not paying for any of the wedding, so there should be no problem there.

Also-- I'm assuming any possible gifts received would need a thank you immediately.. correct?

Just like any time you receive presents, thank you cards should be sent in a timely manner. I mean, no one will cry if you don't do it the day after but certainly the sooner the better.

I figured, but just wanted to be sure.