Wedding Woes

Break-up for his sake and do some self-reflecting (and/or therapy).

Dear Prudence,
Everything my boyfriend does irritates me, but I’ve come to realize that I need to change more than he does. It’s always dumb little things—phrases he overuses, foods he won’t eat, socks on the floor, too much football. I even know where it comes from; my mother spent her marriage of 50 years being aggrieved and angry at my father (who was a very nice man). On the one hand she had no self-confidence and no sense that she had a right to ask for anything, but she also had this idea that people should intuit what she wanted and do it without being asked. So she never told him when she was angry, but was furious he never changed on his own. I am working really hard not to be this way, and I do discuss the more important issues with my boyfriend, who is always sympathetic and responsive. But I also feel like a nag who carps on a million little things. How do I get past this?

—Tired of Being Irritated

Re: Break-up for his sake and do some self-reflecting (and/or therapy).

  • I think everyone has at least one trait that drives their SO crazy.  Mine likes to be very careful about the decisions he makes, which is great most of the time.  But when the question is "Do you want Mayo or Honey Mustard" and he takes two freaking minutes to respond...well I can get it.

    In this case though, it sounds like there are many things annoying LW.  I think LW needs to take a moment and stop before nagging the BF and really reflect upon why.  Why does it bother them, and what good will nagging do?  If this is a constant thing, then maybe they just aren't compatible...but at the very least LW needs to be more aware of what they are saying and think about the reasons why they want to speak up.

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    It sounds like LW is trying to change her BF, which doesn't work in real life.  I think LW needs to either let go of these things or break up with the BF because she can't deal with them. 

    I think everybody has foods they won't eat or phrases they say more than other ones.  I think that might be LW being too picky and trying to find the PERFECT person. 

  • Does she like him?
  • Does she like him?
    It's always awesome when the venn diagram of peole one loves and people one likes is a circle...but it's totally not always what happens.

    I think the Mr. could use a swift kick in the head today.  I stilllove him, but, damn I'm out of patience with him.  Luckily, I'll like him probably 29 of the other days this month, so it works out.

    But yeah, the whole 'you have to LIKE him as well as love him" thing probably needs to get more attention.
  • short+sassyshort+sassy member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited October 2016

    I'm curious if it is just this b/f that has 100 little things that annoy here.  Or has it been EVERY b/f.

    If it is the first case, I think they're just not compatible enough and she needs to end it.  A few annoying things can be worked on or lived with.  But when it is most of what he says, does, and eats?  Ummm, how did she wind up with him in the first place, lol.

    If it is the latter case, than the problem is hers and she needs to get some counseling STAT.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I love SO, but he apparently might die if he were to wipe off the counter after using the kitchen sink.  The house we bought has very poor quality marble, so if you leave any sort of liquid on it for more than about 20 seconds it sinks into the stone and permanently stains it.  I've tried explaining this to him.  Our brand new (albeit poorly done) kitchen now has a ton of stains on the counter.  And every time I walk into the kitchen and see water on the counter, I want to strangle him.  But, you know, I do love him. 

  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers

    I'm curious if it is just this b/f that has 100 little things that annoy here.  Or has it been EVERY b/f.

    This. There's a difference between emulating your mom and explaining away behavior that 10 years down the line will annoy you 100x more. 
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