Limited Open Bar

No Delusion of Grandeur

After reading through many of the posts on here, it seems that guests paying for anything is looked down upon, which I totally get.  Here's my dilemma though: we are having our wedding reception in a venue that is a member only club.  There is not a bar in the reception hall, nor do they have a portable bar.  Because of this, our guests will have to get drinks from the club bar.  Since the club will be open to members still, some people that are not part of the wedding may also be getting drinks from the same bar. Our intent was to have beer, rail drinks, and soda available as an "open bar" option, meaning we are picking up the tab for it.  As I've read through the posts, many people have said to not have alcohol out if it's not included in the open bar.  Unfortunately, I can't ask the club to put alcohol away, because there may be members that want to get those drinks.  That means alcohol will be out in the open that I didn't intend to include in our drink options.  Is it still appropriate to offer only rail drinks, beer, and soda?  If so, how can I indicate this to our guests?  If someone wants to purchase a top shelf drink, is it rude that I'm not including it in the open bar tab? 

Obviously I want people to have a good time and be a gracious host, but considering the bar set up, I'm not sure what to do.  I have read through posts for over an hour and haven't seen this particular scenario.  If it has been asked before and I missed it, I apologize. 

Ro041

Wow!  Way to do your research!  If it were me, I would put a sign near the door that goes to the bar indicating what is included in the open bar.  Word of mouth is also a good way to let your guests know what to expect, so I may consider putting a few people there to give the information to your guests (at least for the first round).

In your situation, it is out of your control that there will be liquor displayed that you are not including (and I don't think that just because it is there, you have to include it in these circumstances).  

kahluakoala

I think the most similar thing I can think of is at a RD at a restaurant the couple may chose to host beer and wine but since it's a restaurant and someone decides they want a mixed drink, what can they do?

I think IMO a sign would be the best thing:

"Guests of the CGarritson Wedding - Please enjoy the following beverages on us:
- Rail drink list
- Beer List
- and a Selection of soft drinks"

Besides that, if a guest chooses to buy something else, I think that's on them. May I suggest though also offering a house red and a white? I think a lot of people really enjoy wine at weddings and with dinner. I think that should add some variety without upping the price too much.

No Delusion of Grandeur

Thank you both for your suggestions.  I thought about a sign, but didn't know if I should put one at each table and also at the bar? 

As for the wine, I'm not much of a drinker and hadn't considered that others would want wine.  I will check with the venue to see if they have a wine selection.  They said they could order anything we need, at our cost of course, so I could have that included as well. 

lyndausvi

I work at a club that has the same rules.  Just have a sign for what's available.  

Not sure your crowd, but a poured red and white at the tables would be a nice add-on.   

banana468

lyndausvi said:

I work at a club that has the same rules.  Just have a sign for what's available.  

Not sure your crowd, but a poured red and white at the tables would be a nice add-on.   

This  

Not sure about your group or age range but many guests wouldn't have a drink with those options if I had them.   Grandma would need a wine.

SP29

Agree with having a sign. You can't control what the bar offers to the rest of the club. I think one sign at the bar would suffice.

Or, if you are providing a menu at the tables for dinner, you could include it on there.

Also agree regarding the wine.

No Delusion of Grandeur

I'll definitely inquire about the wine selection and include it as a selection at the bar for those that might want it. Most of the crowd are beer and liquor drinkers, so I don't think having wine at dinner is necessary. Our caterer will provide lemonade and iced tea, so there will be options in addition to the bar drinks as well. 

I won't have a menu for dinner, so I'll just work on a sign for the bar and possibly a sign pointing to the bar like Ro suggested. 

Thanks to you all for helping me de-stress about this. I really thought we would seem tacky after reading through some of these forums. 

levioosa

cgarritson said:

I'll definitely inquire about the wine selection and include it as a selection at the bar for those that might want it. Most of the crowd are beer and liquor drinkers, so I don't think having wine at dinner is necessary. Our caterer will provide lemonade and iced tea, so there will be options in addition to the bar drinks as well. 

I won't have a menu for dinner, so I'll just work on a sign for the bar and possibly a sign pointing to the bar like Ro suggested. 

Thanks to you all for helping me de-stress about this. I really thought we would seem tacky after reading through some of these forums. 

It's only tacky if you say, "If guests want their own alcohol, well I'll be damned, they can pay for it!"  That's not what you're doing. You have made every effort to be a gracious host, and you can't control the venue.  As long as you are fully hosting whatever you have, that's what counts.  The sign is a great way to let people know what you are hosting.  And even though you have mainly beer and liquor drinkers, I would also try to make wine available.  

SaintPaulGal

Agree with all of the above:
-Don't worry, it's not tacky if you have no control over what is available for sale at a bar that is also open to others who are not guests of your wedding
-A sign at the bar is the best option.  Since it's right there where they will be ordering it should keep anyone from being surprised by what is covered/not covered.
-Definitely look into adding wine, particularly with dinner.  There is something about pairing wine with food that enhances both elements in a way you really don't get with beer or rail drinks.

No Delusion of Grandeur

I didn't type exactly as I meant to, saying that wine at dinner isn't necessary.  What I intended to say is that I don't think a poured wine at the table during dinner is necessary.  However, you're all right about rail drinks and beer not being a great accompaniment for dinner.  I wouldn't drink either with my dinner (or wine-although many people do), so we will include wine as a bar option, provided the venue has it or will order it. 

Thanks again to you all for the feedback! I want all of our guests to enjoy themselves and have options. 

OliveOilsMom

One thing OP.  How can your vendor make sure that only YOUR guests take part in your open bar?  Since the bar is not in the room with your guests and they have to go out to the main bar that is open to all members, can they guarantee you won't end up paying for someone else's drinks all night?

I'm not saying that your guests need to wear wristbands or anything like that.  But just something to think about if you are having a consumption bar, where you only pay for the drinks your guests get (that you are offering). 

Not saying this would happen to you, but there was a big brawl at a hotel in Philly when two big parties were going on and one was cash bar and the other open.  People from the cash bar event started going over to the open bar event just for the drinks.  But, just using this as an example, that if optional people will try to get the free booze - which may be done at your expense!

No Delusion of Grandeur

That's a great point OliveOilsMom.  I was at an event at a similar civic club last year (not a wedding reception) with an open bar for those of us at the event.  I didn't think anything of it at the time, but I suppose someone could have said they were with our event and drank on the host.  That's something I'll have to put thought into. 

The one thing I will say is that this is a small club and it's the same bartenders that work on a regular basis.  Perhaps they would be aware of who members are and be able to differentiate based on that?  It might not be a good idea to put a sign at the bar, unless we have just a certain area of the bar specifically for our guests to be served.  I'll have to talk to the manager and/or bartenders. 

lyndausvi

You make a good point Olive.

 I know at the club I work the bar tenders know most of the members. Heck, I know most of the members, if not by name, at least by face. Our members actually hate weddings at the club and stay away. So the amount of members around is pretty small during.  Our members tend to drink the higher end stuff. Which means they would have to pay any way.  It's possible that one or two drinks would get missed, but I would not something I would worry about.

That is just my experience, can't speak for all clubs.

No Delusion of Grandeur

@lyndausvi, I wondered about whether many members would even show up if they saw the all the vehicles outside.  I figured they would skip it because they knew some event was going on...either that or come in and party! lol jk

lyndausvi

No Delusion of Grandeur said:

@lyndausvi, I wondered about whether many members would even show up if they saw the all the vehicles outside.  I figured they would skip it because they knew some event was going on...either that or come in and party! lol jk

We have a golf course.   When they finish up golfing they come to the bar.  Often them finishing up is about the same time as the wedding starting.  So yeah, they will show up.

If our dining room is still open (often they buy out the whole place, so members are not allowed), then some members will come in for dinner.   It's the only bar, so again, they will patronize the bar.

Bottom line, at least at our club, is they are spending big bucks to be a member ($225K buy in). They don't give a shit if there is an event.  It's their club, they pay big bucks to belong and no one is going to keep them from going to the bar.

No Delusion of Grandeur

This venue is by no means a high dollar type club. It's more of a civic club. We drove by last Saturday night and there were maybe 6 cars outside. I just know they pay their membership dues, so they have a right to be there and I can't ask for their choices to be limited.