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Wedding Party
annalisemsinclair
member
Bride Tribe versus Bridesmaids
My fiancé and I have decided that we want a small wedding with about 75 guests (almost all family), thus we think it would be weird to pull out a bunch of those people to be bridesmaids or groomsmen. Plus my family and friends are from out of state- making things tricky when it comes to prewedding planning. We are playing around with the idea of having a maid of honor and best man, and then inviting our close friends to join the Bride Tribe or "whatever name my fiancé calls his friends" to get ready with us, be apart of barchorlette/bachelor parties, etc. IF they want to. We would hate for them to feel like they have to spend extra money on matching dresses or getting their hair done since they are
teaveling from afar anyways, so this idea seems like the most fitting for our situation.
Is this rude? We want to include our friends but want to keep everything small and low-key. Feedback appreciated!
teaveling from afar anyways, so this idea seems like the most fitting for our situation.
Is this rude? We want to include our friends but want to keep everything small and low-key. Feedback appreciated!
Re: Bride Tribe versus Bridesmaids
1. It is an honor to be a guest at your wedding. Being an invited guest is "being included". You do not need to make up a title for guests.
2. Bachelorette parties and showers should not be expected. These events are not planned by you. If someone offers to throw a party for you, then your only task is to furnish a guest list, which is made up of people who are invited to your wedding - no one else! Many brides do not have these parties.
3. A bridal party is not necessary. If you want just one attendant (MOH), this is perfectly OK.
You are never required to have a wedding party. I'm relieved when I'm not asked to be part of a wedding party as then I get to enjoy my day. Just invite your friends/family to the wedding. Being invited is an honour!
Just in case - you shouldn't be planning any pre-parties in your honour. If someone offers, you can accept a shower/stagette but you shouldn't be part of any planning.
And ditto the bolded. You don't get to plan parties in your own honor. If someone offers, that's great, but you can't plan them for yourself. It's pretty tacky.
I didn't want a large bridal party and opted for just a MOH. She decided to throw a bach party for me. I gave her a list of names of our close friends I wanted included. I invited my best friends to get ready with me the morning of, and they also had come dress shopping with me. Additionally I had one friend do a reading.
And that's it. It's an honor to be invited. You don't need to do anything further. And as PPs said, you shouldn't be throwing your own pre-wedding parties.
^^^This. I've been to a few bachelorette parties where I wasn't a BM. I loved it - I was invited for a fun party with my friends (an invitation isn't a summons, after all) and didn't have any obligation. the name doesn't bug me that much but I can see how it might be a bit off putting because you're still like picking favorites without the honor.
But it wouldn't hurt to say, "Hey, would you girls be up for some pre-wedding hair and makeup and mimosas??"
I can't guarantee that I'd commit (especially now that I'm married, it's a logistical issue), but it could be fun.
The party stuff has nothing to do with the getting ready. You may or may not get one even if you have a BP.
"Cocktails and food at my place pre wedding - feel free to get ready here if you want."
i dont understand spending 5 minutes to get ready to go to a wedding even as a guest. I'm pretty low maintenance but it takes me 20 minutes minimum to get ready for work.
I I don't think it is rude to invite someone to do this. Let her know you're fine either way, and if she doesn't want to come she can say no.
my general rules are:
A- you don't host it yourself or ask someone to throw it for you.
B- only people who are invited to the wedding may be invited.
C- this is often held as a party where everyone contributes to the cost, and therefore is often a group effort to decide on what will be done.
D- it isn't a gifting occasion.
Apparently it started to teach the woman about sex, men, etc. and then turned into "HEY LET'S GET WASTED AND GO SEE NAKED MEN!"
Even though it's not a gifting occasion, many times the bridesmaids will get together and get something for the bride-to-be. Usually racey, like something to wear on wedding night.
That being said, my bachelorette was completely different. Bridesmaids, my mum and MIL went to lunch, then got our nails done.
My girls decided to get me something, but it was more on the sentimental side. They printed out photos of us - plus a few people they knew I was friends with still but not in WP - and put in a photo album for me. There were little places on the sides for people to sign, put notes, comments, memories, etc. It was very sweet
It is also fine to invite (or have the hosts invite) anyone you wish (who is also invited to the wedding) to any event, whether that be a bachelorette party or to get nails done, or get ready with you.
You should not be planning in any parties in honour of yourself (shower or bachelorette). These parties are offered, but that doesn't mean you need a WP to do this. ANYONE can offer to host a party for you.
One of my friends did not have a WP. Me and 2 other friends (we are all very close) planned a shower and bachelorette party for her, and we all went to get our nails done 2 days before the wedding- because we wanted to.
This is pretty much what my sister did. She has quite a few close friends but didn't want 9 bridesmaids. I was her only attendant, but she invited several friends to come by in the morning to get ready or just have a mimosa. Some came, some didn't.